Flatline
by TrisLu
Summary: Edward was battling an inner pull he did not understand and thinking perhaps there is something wrong with him. But after meeting Bella, a girl who is battling her own demons, many things come to light. Together the two will walk the long road of discovering and accepting who they are and where they come from. THIS IS A MATURE STORY WITH BDSM, SPANKING, ABUSE 18 AH Canon pairs
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I wanted to apologize to everyone who may have been upset about the sudden disappearance of Flatline. To be honest I took it down after receiving a slew of e-mails from two very mean spirited readers. I was told that my writing was so bad that it was nearly unreadable, and well, that is the nicest part of the e-mails received. I tend to get a bit traumatized by such comments but I guess that getting things like that is part of the game, and I need to develop a thicker skin. Plus, there was a grain of truth in those statements; Flatline (and my writing in general) needs loads of work done to it. But, you can only get better if you keep trying. Even though I took it down, I did not stop writing it. I have gone back from the start and tweak a few things here and there, as well as, attempted to fix some major errors. So, I am putting it back up one chapter at a time. But, I know there will still be loads of issues found within the pages. Please feel free to continue to point them out to me, but if you could reframe from cursing at me or telling me I need therapy and religion, then I would appreciate that. This story is not for everyone, and if my poor writing skills irk you that much, to the point where you feel the need to take shots at my personality and morals etc etc (rather than kindly trying to help me improve,) than by all means just hit your back button. Otherwise, thank you so much for sticking with me and I shall re-post the first chapter by the end of the day.


	2. Chapter one: Easier Done then Said

WARNING: THIS STORY DEALS WITH THEMES AND ISSUES THAT ARE NOT EVERYONES CUP OF TEA. THERE WILL BE SPANKING, BDSM, DD, AND TALKS OF PAST ABUSE, IF YOU ARE UNDERAGE, OR UNCOMFERTABLE WITH THESE THINGS PLEASE HIT YOUR BACK BUTTON NOW.

TWILIGHT IS STEPHANIE MEYER'S WORLD I JUST LIKE TO LIVE IN IT FROM TIME TO TIME.

One: Easier Done Then Said

It was another night of nothingness, which meant it had been a good night. When you are an EMT a boring shift meant that no one had been hurt, no one had died. But even though the monotony was miraculous, Edward was still feeling the bleary eyed effects of an uneventful graveyard shift at Forks one and only EMT station. Not even spending the night with his best friend and partner, Jasper Whitlock, could speed up the tedious ticking of the clock.

"Looks like you won't get to see daddy dearest this evening bro," Jasper joked as he aimlessly clicked around on his lap top.

"Yeah, well thank God for that. But winter is coming cowboy so don't get too comfortable with those online dates of yours." Edward warned.

Edward loved him like a brother, but he did not find his snide remark the least bit amusing. Life had not exactly been peachy at the Cullen house these last few years. Not since Edward decided to drop out of his surgical internship and become an EMT. Carlisle just could not understand why his brilliant son would want to be a second rate doctor. It was something the first class surgeon could simply not wrap his head around, and Edward had grown tired of trying to explain it to him.

Jasper, on the other hand, just thought the entire thing to be a hilarious little tiff. But, that was only because Edward's families feuds could not compare to the life Jasper escaped from in Texas. He was always telling Edward to just suck it up, saying his family loved him, and he was lucky to have them. Jasper was, of course, completely right. Edward knew he was lucky to have his family, Carlisle included. Despite the fact that his father still could not help from dropping the occasional derogatory comment towards his beloved eldest son, Edward knew he was loved and supported no matter what.

Forks winters were always brutally icy, which unfortunately guaranteed at least a few injury involved car accidents. Those accidents were usually the pinnacle of Edward and Jasper's action filled work year, and sometimes Edward would find himself wondering if he should be putting better use to his talents in a bigger city. He had started out in Seattle, where he had completed his training, and that city had kept him working around the clock. In Seattle Edward felt useful. But his father had convinced him he was needed at home after Harry Clearwater, the town's oldest paramedic, had passed away.

Carlisle had urged Edward, saying that "It will only be for a few months son while we search for a new hire. Besides, you owe me for all that wasted medical school money."

Jasper was supposed to have been that replacement. But, when Harry's partner decided it was well past time for him to retire, Edward knew he was stuck in Forks for the long haul. Luckily, he really loved Jasper, and he knew it made his mother happy to have him so close by since everyone else flown as far away from the nest as possible in pursuit of their big dreams.

Emmett was chasing Rose off in Los Angeles. His younger brother had been following that little spitfire around for as long as he could remember. She had never made it easy on him, but that only seemed to make Emmett love the dramatic blond Goddess even more. "She keeps me on my toes, and has never put up with any of my shit" he would say. Edward would never wish to have to put up with such theatrics from the woman he loved,but he did not worry about his brother's happiness. There was no denying the way Rosalie Hale made his brothers face light up. The two of them seemed to have quickly built a wonderful life down there, with Rose having a small role on a day time soap, and Emmett working as a member of the training team for some major UFC fighter whom Edward could never remember the name of.

No, it wasn't Emmett, or even Carlisle that worried Edward. It was little Alley. At 18 Alice had skated away to San Francisco for art school, fashion school to be exact. Edward hated the idea of his tiny pixie sister in the big city all alone. He had begged Alice to go to school in Seattle, or at least to go to LA so Emmett could keep an eye on her. She refused to listen of course, and Edward's relentless griping about the issue had inevitably put a painful distance between the two close siblings. "You know you treat me just as Dad treats you," Edward remembered her screaming at him. "How is that fair? You cannot dictate what I do, and I am not some tiny breakable thing for you to protect and push around!"

Edward was still scarred from those words Alice assaulted him with two years ago, probably because that was the last time she had properly spoken to him. It was one day before Alice's high school graduation. Edward was on his way home for the big celebration, making his way through the winding roads of Washington at wee hours of the morning. Edward shuddered as he remembered that night, he still was not sure if he had done the right thing, even though Emmett, Jasper, and even his father say he had. Deep down, Edward knew he would still do the same thing today, but he truly wished it had not been him who had found Alice's car late that night. He missed his little sister.

But he had seen it He knew that little yellow bug anywhere, and he could not just ignore the fact that his baby sister's car was parked on the side of the road at 2 am in the morning. It did not take long for Edward to follow the tracks down to the meadow, he had already known that was where she was. He had been in high school once too, and the Meadow was where everyone went to cause trouble. When he found his little sister half naked and higher then a kite surrender by 3 unruly looking boys, it took all of his restraint not to commit child murder.

He had thought she was about to be forced into something awful. He had been wrong. Alice screamed at him "get the fuck away from her," that she was "busy and would fucking drive herself home when she was ready." Edward did not hesitate for one second. He picked her tiny form up and carried her back towards his waiting car. And, then he spanked her. Long and hard in the back seat of his shiny silver Volvo, making sure to cover every inch of her backside and even midway down her small legs. He spanked her because she needed to be spanked, and even though he knew she had never been spanked before, Edward was not the type of guy to ignore something that needed to be done.

Of course, he had not hurt her too badly. Edward was already well versed in the art of discipline, having been on the receiving end quite a bit as a child himself, as well as, having a strew of unruly and naughty girlfriends all throughout his undergrad years. Edward was, and always will be, a man who did not hesitate to take care of the people he loved. He was what they called a natural Dom, even though he did not yet really know what that meant. All he knew is that he loved his sister and would do anything needed to protect her, even if he needed to protect her from herself. But, after all this time, Alice still did not see it that way, and so Edward had to rely on Emmett to keep up with the little sister he had once been so close to.

"Hello... earth to captain Edward!" Jasper barked as he snapped in front of Edward's glazed over eyes. "Where have you gone off to now brother, you're not wallowing over your baby sis again are you?"

Jasper always seemed to be tuned into Edward's feelings, even when he himself was unaware.

Sighing, Edward gave a single nod in confirmation before reaching over to borrow Jasper's computer.

"Honestly brother, you know how women are; you are just going to have to make the first move here. And, you should do it before she comes home for Thanksgiving, write her a letter- that'all give her time to really think about it."

Edward knew Jasper was right, but it still did not change the fact that he was scared shitless to do it. If it did not work then that meant he probably lost his sister for good.

"And quit being a pussy about it Cullen," Jasper laughed. "She is your sister and she will come around. Besides, it was for her own damn good."

"Alright, alright I'll do it now," Edward laughed, as he tugged his bronze hair in utter exasperation and pulled up his e-mail account.

**To: PixyCouture **

** FROM: .com**

** SUBJECT: Please just read this.**

** Alice,**

** I know you do not want to hear from me still, but I was thinking of you tonight. Well, I think of you most every night actually. What happened to us Ally? Will you never be able to look past this? Mom says you just want an apology from me. And, God damnnit I wish I could give you one. But, every time I start to, I remember that night, and I know I am not sorry for what I did. You were putting yourself in danger, and I can never allow that. Maybe I am the one who is fucked up here? Maybe I am some big ogre? I will always feel the NEED to protect and take care of you. I am not going to be able to change that about myself Al. But, you have to know I fucking love you, you are my favorite damnit! And, your sugar induced crazy hyper self so much. I miss my partner in crime (to an acceptable point of course), shit, I even miss shopping. Can you believe that? You would die if you saw what my wardrobe looked like now. I just miss my sister, and I worry so much about you down there. I know Em says you are doing fine, but really Em just doesn't know you like I do. Please let this go, I cannot say I am sorry, I cannot even 100% promise it won't ever happen again. All I can say is that I love you and fucking miss you, and I hope you will talk to me again.**

** Edward.**

After Edward hit send, he quickly wished he could take it back. He fully expected to be officially rejected by his little sister, and he really was not ready for that.

What he did not expect, and was also not ready for, was the immediate response that popped up in his e-mail. Yet there it was, glaring brightly at him. It was 3 in the morning for God sacks, Edward thought, what is she doing up that late on a week night. But, it really wasn't the time that scared him, it was the speed of the response. He did not want to read her quickly typed go to hell right now, but he also just had to know. So, with a shake of his head and a pinch of his nose, Edward clicked the link.

**TO: .com**

** FROM: PixyCouture **

** SUBJECT: RE:Please just read this.**

** Edward,**

** I am sorry. If you are not too busy or too tired please IM me I need to talk to you.**

** A.**

Alice had blocked Edward from his aim list just days after spankaggeden, and he had long ago outgrown the silly application. But, he still remembered his password, so he quickly signed on and felt tiny butterflies when he saw Alice's screen name back at the top of his Family list: **PixyCouture1**.

**CrazyCullen:** I will never be too busy or too tired for you.

**PixyCouture1:** I am sorry.

**CrazyCullen:** Don't be. How are you? Is everything alright? I really did not expect to get an answer from you, though I am very happy I have.

**PixyCouture1:** Are you sure you are not tired? I don't want to bother you.

**CrazyCullen:** You already know the answer to that.

**PixyCouture1: **yeah... so are you at work then?

**CrazyCullen: **Yes, but you know Fork's there really is not shit to do ha ha ha.

Edward was uncomfortable with the small talk and it was such a shame, he had always had such a great flow with Alice, but now things just felt different.

**PixyCouture1: **Listen, I guess we just need to go ahead and get this out of the way, and don't even bring it up again, ok? I am not a fan of this shit and you know it! I, I am sorry.

**CrazyCullen:** I told you it is not necessary crazy girl.

**PixyCouture1:** No, I am sorry for ignoring you, for hurting you. It was... I am stupid.

**CrazyCullen:** Don't fucking call yourself stupid. I understand where you are coming from. It was not my place to do what I did, but I still feel like it needed to be done.

**PixyCouture1: **I know.

**CrazyCullen: **You know? Wait a min. is my little sister actually owing up to something?

**PixyCouture1:** don't push it.

**CrazyCullen: **Please just humor me. Comfort your old brother's soul for once :P ?

**PixyCouture1: **Christ! You really are going to make me do this. Yes Edward, yes I deserved it, and I am glad you loved me enough to do it. Ok are you happy now?

**CrazyCullen: **I'm not just happy Al, I'm fucking flabbergasted and really kind of proud here. Shit, I missed you! And I promise I will never bring it up again.

**PixyCouture1: **Thanks.

**CrazyCullen: **So why are you up so late? Have you turned into a night owl down there in big old San Francisco?

**PixyCouture1:** Well you know us artist! :) But I am not working tonight actually. I was, well I just can't sleep... I'm worried.

**CrazyCullen: **About?

**PixyCouture1: **Bella- my roommate. I always worry about her, but especially around the holidays. She has nowhere to go for them. She really is a wonderful girl Edward, you would love her. But she is... well she is broken. I'm trying to help her but... I'm really no good at it.

**CrazyCullen: **What's wrong with her?

**PixyCouture1:** I don't feel comfortable telling stories that are not mine to tell, even to you. Can you understand?

**CrazyCullen: **Of course. But I am always here for you, Okay?

**PixyCouture1:** I know. I am going to try to bring her home with me for thanksgiving. Maybe some of mama Esme will be the cure for her?

**CrazyCullen:** Yeah, she is pretty magical haha.

**PixyCouture1:** Thanks Edward. Really, I missed you. Maybe you can come visit me- you know so long as you don't go all brother bear on me. I do have a life here can you prepare yourself for that haha?

**CrazyCullen:** I will try ;P And I cannot wait to see you in that big city, but I am even more excited to see you home in just a few short weeks. Dad has been.. well he has been dad haha. It will be nice to have my reinforcement back!

**PixyCouture1:** Haha I will protect you I promise! Well, Bella is home at last so I think I will have a chat with her and then head off to bed. Good night brother.

**CrazyCullen: **Sounds good lil devil. Try not to do anything I wouldn't do. No scratch that- try not to do anything I wouldn't WANT you to do :P. And, please stay in touch this time.

Edward closed the laptop and sat back in the chair with a goofy satisfied grin across his face. He felt the waves of relief rushing off of him. He had his sister back. It really hadn't taken much to get her either. He would have to thank Jasper for the wonderful advice. But, Edward was slightly worried about this Bella girl; he hoped she wasn't a bad influence on Alice. Though, if he was being honest he would imagine it may just be the other way around when it came to that crazy pixy. Either way, he was not about to risk their shaky relationship anytime soon, but he was hoping Alice convinced this roommate of hers to come home for Thanksgiving.


	3. Chapter 2: Plans Change

**WARNING: This story contains mature content, including themes of BDSM, Spanking, DD, and talk of past abuse. 18+ only. Mrs. Meyer's created this world, I just like to play in it. **

**A/N: Hi again. I haven't done too many changes in these first chapters. I've just mainly fixed some major spelling and grammar mistakes. (no promises that I've caught them all). There are a few chapters that will probably be totally re-written though, BUT I will clearly label those as must re-read ones for the old readers. Thanks so much!**

Chapter 2: Plans Change

The past two weeks had been fantastic for Edward, having his little Alice back in his life had been the medicine that he needed. The world was now a little brighter, the nights a little less long. Every day, Alice texted or chatted with Edward as he worked his long boring shifts. And, even though she still wasn't very forthcoming with him about her personal life, Edward was more than satisfied with their silly banter. He could not wait to finally wrap his arms around her on Thanksgiving. Even Jasper had taken to the little pixie, often jumping in on Edward's and Alice's Skype sessions.

The three of them had decided to not tell the family about their reconciliation, thinking it would make for an even happier Thanksgiving Day dinner. But, with only two days to go until Alice's arrival, Edward was highly disappointed to get an early morning phone call from her. Mornings were very unusual time of day for them both, and it could only mean one thing.

"Hey Edward, I'm sorry if I woke you." She had, but Edward would never let on to that. "I just really wanted to tell you first, before talking with mom. I.. I am not going to be coming home for Thanksgiving after all. But, listen before you get all pissy with me, ok. I want to come, but I just can't, I can't leave Bella, and she won't come home with me. I will.. I will be home for Christmas no matter what though. I'll be home for the whole winter break actually... so just please..."

"Al stops. It is fine." Edward interrupted her curtly. He was none too happy about this unfortunate wake up call. "Look, just let mom know today she before she goes overboard shopping."

"Edwar-"

"Look I'm really tired, so I'll call you-"

"No! Wait" Alice shrieked, "Why don't you come down here to me? Mom will be ok with it as long as we both get home for Christmas. I do really want to see you." She added meekly.

Edward's heart instantly melted with the sound of Alice's sad words. He absolutely loved the idea of going down to San Francisco. "Really Al? You want me to come down there so fast?"

"Well of course stupid, and why don't you bring Mr. Jasper with you too? I kinda like that guy."

"Oh Jesus, you are going to be the death of me child."

"Hey there, I am not a child and I thought you liked Jasper?"

"I do, I do and yes I will bring him so long as you promise to behave yourself."

"Don't I always? Wait don't answer that," she giggled. "Hey maybe you can help me with Bel... well, anyway I better go face the wrath of mama bear now, love ya."

"Good luck with that, try to soften her up for me will ya?"

"No promises."

Esme was surprisingly OK with the idea of Alice not coming home. She was just so happy to see her oldest and youngest getting together once again. They had been so close before, that these past two years had broken her heart. Having to see Edward so crushed and conflicted over everything day in and day out had really taken a toll on the kind women. Carlisle, on the other hand, was not so thrilled with the idea of the towns two best EMTs being gone over a holiday. But, if it made his Esme happy he would deal with it, even if it meant volunteering to be on call with both the hospital and ambulance service 24/7.

"We will only be gone a week," Edward assured his father and himself. "And, I doubt you'll even have one major emergency during that time, they are not even calling for snow yet."

"Don't worry son, I am sure I can handle it. Just make sure you spoil my little girl rotten for me." Alice had always had the man wrapped around he little finger, which probably explained a lot when it came to her.

"Will do dad, will do- and I have a feeling Jasper here will be more than willing to pick up any slack I may have."

"Well you just make sure to keep your hands to yourself there kid." Carlisle growled at Jasper's over excited smirk.

"Don't worry sir, I will be a perfect southern gentleman- I wouldn't want Edward here kicking my ass." Jasper mocked.

"Alright let's just go Alice will flip if we make her wait for us at the airport," Edward warned, pulling Jasper towards the security line. Really, he just wanted to get away from Carlisle as fast as possible though.

When the San Francisco sky line came into view, Edward found himself oddly nervous. He was nervous to finally find out if he could ever really go back to normal with his sister. Nervous, to see what kind of environment she had implanted herself into, and nervous to meet this mysterious Bella girl, who seems to be occupying such a big part of his sisters life now.

Jasper was nervous too, but for entirely different reasons. Over these last two weeks, he had been falling and falling hard for the quirky little spit fire. Alice and Jasper had been texting and calling each other much more then Edward could even imagine. And, it was his mission on this trip to work his magic charm on both Alice and Edward. He knew he would have to win his friends approval before he could ever really take it to the next level with Alice.

It was easy to spot Alice's little bobbing black head from the escalator at the airport. She was holding a try of steaming hot Philzs coffee, and dancing around like an impatient jumping bean. _ Alice should not be allowed to consume caffeine _Edward smiled to himself, _she is her own natural stimulant._

By the time they had made their way down the long moving stairs, Alice had already pulled out Edward's heavy luggage bag, she did not have the patience to wait for them to mosie on over to it! It was way too heavy for her though, and she just about spilled the tray of coffee all over the place trying to drag it away.

"Whoo there little lady, calm it down and let me help you." Jasper chuckled as he reached her stumbling side first.

"Well, if it is not Jazzy Jazz himself in the flesh!" Alice laughed with pure excitement. She was more than a little bit nervous to meet this stranger who had whisked her off her feet digitally these past few weeks. "Why don't you go grab your bag, I did not know which one was yours... Eddie here has been using this heap of junk for as long as I can remember though."

"Hey kid, don't hate on my bag it is a classic." Edward arrived, grabbing the large canvas bag away from his little sister. He eyed Jasper questionably, "Jazzy Jazz?"

"Don't ask me man, she is your sister."

"So is one of those coffees for me?" Edward eyed the brown paper cup with longing. "You know I'm not use to being up so damn early."

"Of course, of course... here this is the best thing you will ever taste."

Edward was not disappointed in the steaming robust drink; it was strong enough to make a baby sprout chest hairs. He choked more back before handing a cup to Jasper. "I don't know if you should be drinking two of them" he laughed at his sister, following her out into the chilly San Francisco air.

"No silly, this extra one if for Bella. She will need it, believe me, now lets go home and wake her up I know she wouldn't want to be rude and miss your arrival!."

"Alright then, give me the keys and tell me where to go." Edward smirked reaching out his upturned hand.

"Ha! Just for that little comment, you can sit in the back." Alice chirped, opening the passenger side door of her yellow bug for Jasper. Edward did not notice the wink she threw out him though.

"So stubborn pixy, you better buckle up Jasper, she is a terrible driver."

"Watch yourself cowboy, I wouldn't put it past this one to make you walk home" Jasper jokes before sitting himself down next to Alice, exactly where he wanted to be.

The three of them were rather quite on the ride back to Alice's apartment. Edward lost looking out into the city he had never visited before, Jasper stealing side glances of Alice, and Alice weaving in and out of traffic like a crazy person. It was a rather short drive from SFO to the SOMA section of the city, where Alice's parents had bought a loft for her.

"Alright boys... we are home. Now, let me go in first and wake up our sleeping princess... she, well she had a long night last night." Alice tried to imply that her and Bella had been partying late into the night, but Edward could see right through his little sister. Something else entirely was going on, but he did not want to press any issues right now, so he just nodded and began unloading the trunk.

"Wow dude, I am a little intrigued to see what this Bella is all about. Something seems off right?" Jasper whispered into Edward's ear, as he watched Alice disappear into a large yellow building complex.

"Yep." was the only reply Edward could give, he was beyond curious now.

Almost 20 min passed before Alice stuck her head out of the fifth floor window to yell down to the boys. "hey call up to apartment 584 and I will buzz you in!"

"Well, it is about damn time" Jasper mumbled.

But Edward had not grown impatience, because he knew he sister was not one to wait around, or make anyone wait around. There had to of been a reason for such a long delay. To him, the short ride on the elevator was more taxing then the long wait outside. _Just who is this Bella Swan_, he kept worrying as he watched each floor tick upward.

His answer came immediately after stepping through Alice's painted red door, Bella Swan was the loveliest creature he had ever laid eyes on. And, he knew he was in trouble.


	4. Chapter 3: Travels and Trances

Three: Tours and Trances

"Hello, earth to Edward, stop being so damn rude," Alice snapped her fingers in front of a very bewildered Edward. He was standing in the doorway staring at a now very uncomfortable Bella. Edward could not pull his eyes away from her alluring heart-shaped face. A face that barely peeked out from under the cover of the dark navy blue hoodie, which seemed to swallow her small frame up. Bella was sitting Indian style, slunk back into the sofa, and clutching onto her cup of coffee for dear, dear life. And, though she was beautiful, the deep dark circles under her eyes could not go unnoticed.

Edward was drawn to her unearthly pallor, a translucent white that suited her, even if it did symbolize a health issue. But, Edward knew he was being rude. He cleared his throat and attempted to shake the senselessness out of his mind.

"Sa, sorry, jet lagged," Edward stuttered up as a lame excuse.

"It is nice to meet you little lady, my name is Jasper, Jasper Whitlock. I hope you don't mind us two oafs hijacking your apartment for this holiday." Jasper stepped in, effectively breaking up the awkwardness.

"No, I am only sorry Alice here refused to go back home, I know you had not planned on coming all the way out her... it really was not necessary." Bella's voice was meek yet warm. She seemed to shrink down even more into her oversized clothing with the each syllable she spoke.

"That is nonsense," Alice barked, "I am just glad I got an excuse to get out of going back to that mad house, you really should believe me Bells, I had no desire to go home." Alice laughed her nervous laugh, the one that was a dead giveaway that she was telling a lie. "Besides, we are going to have so much more fun here without the Rents hovering around!"

"Well, it doesn't matter anyway, what's done is done right... but you are by far the most stubborn woman I have ever met." Bella snickered, revealing some of her special spark to everyone.

"You should have a look in the mirror there Miss Mule," Alice joked while playfully smacking the back of Bella's head.

The two women had clearly become as close as sisters over the past two years. It was nice for Edward to see, and it elevated some of his constant worry.

The morning got off to a nice start. Alice fluttered about making breakfast and talking up a storm, while Bella just silently intervened here and there, handing the very distracted Alice the butter, a plate, or whatever was needed to complete her frantic actions. Jasper was quick to jump in and help too, easily flowing along with Alice's fast pace. But, Edward just sat on the sofa, taking in the entire scene before him.

The home his parents has purchased for their little Alice was just as he had expected it to be, beautiful and slightly over the top. A two bedroom, two bathroom loft, complete with a studio/office space, a balcony with a distant view of the bay, and a state of the art kitchen. The place could not have been cheap, but that was a relief to Edward as it probably meant it kept his girls well away from any dangerous neighborhoods. Yes, Edward was already considering Bella his to look after. It was irrational and terrifying, but it was a feeling he could not control.

The woman struck a chord with every inch of his body, including his manhood. Whenever she would bend down to pick something up, Edward found his cock would shamefully react. Bella had barley said all of 5 sentences, and to him even less, yet Edward was already trying to plan on how to get to know her better. And, he knew that would take great effort, Bella seemed to easily allow herself to fade to the background, a trait he did not find suiting for her.

"So, Bella... Is that short for Isabella?" Edward forcefully interjected into Alice's silly ramblings. The unexpected question caused the beautiful brunette to jolt and slip on the slick kitchen floor. Jasper was closest to her, and quickly stabilized her tiny form before she fell. For some reason this greatly bothered Edward, he wanted to be the one to save Isabella.

"Yep, sure does Eddie," Alice laughed, using Edward's most hated nickname. "I tried to get her to let me call her Izzie but.."

"I prefer Bella," Bella quietly interrupted, her cheeks bursting into full flame mode now as she forced her chocolate brown eyes to meet with Edward's. Bella was determined not to seem like a useless fish to this fascinating man with the alluring green eyes. When Alice had told her that her brother, the brother, was coming into town, Bella had just about passed out from anxiety. Ever since Alice shared the story of how Edward had shamelessly spanked Alice, Bella had been fantasying of how he would turn her over his knee and take care of her too. Those dreams were so wonderful, the only dreams she ever looked forward to, but sadly they came few and far between the other dreams. The bad dreams.

Bella did not want to think of those dreams, or any dreams at all. Yet, every time that God of man glanced at her, the image would pop into her head and it was horribly embarrassing. She was more than thankful that Edward was not some kind of mind reader.

"Good don't let this one push you around; she can get out of hand. And, I think Bella suits you way better too, though I do love Isabella." Edward stood and walked closer to the kitchen, taking care to stay on the other side of the counter. His Mr. Ed was still not fully under control, and he did not wish to scare the young girl.

"Thanks, you can, you can call me Isabella if you wish." Bella smiled before turning away to set the table.

"Wow big bro I think she likes you," Alice whispered.

"No, no I think you got it backwards there lil miss," Jasper snickered while shooting Edward a knowing glance.

"Whatever guys lets go eat I'm fucking starving and you should mind your own business."

Alice's food was, as it always is, slightly burnt. You really needed a bit of tranquility and a soft hand in the kitchen, things Alice would never possess. Edward never understood how she managed to sit still for hours on in at her drafting table, because everywhere else his sister acted like a toddler on soda. But, Edawrd didn't mind the crispy toast. He had not expected to eat fabulously this Thanksgiving, that was not what this trip was about.

"Wow Alice this is like the best scrambled eggs I have ever tasted," Jasper boasted, gobbling up bite after bite. He was hardly even trying to hide his interest now. In his mind Edward was much too occupied with his own desires to care one way or the other.

"Well, I thank you Jazz, but I know I can't cook. That is why Bella will be playing head chef tomorrow, and I will just be her humble assistant."

"You like to cook Isabella?" Edward asked gently.

"Yes. Very much so."

"Is that what you are studying in school?"

It was an innocent question, but this seemed to be a very wrong question to ask, as Isabella's cheeks immediately flamed up again.

_She is not in school you stupid fuck _Edward scolded himself.

"She could probably teach a cooking school, she is so good Eddie," Alice interjected. " She doesn't need school for that. Besides, Bella is the best nanny in the entire city of San Fran, and one day I think she will be the best writer too... if she would just ever let someone read all her fabulous work."

"Enough Alice," Bella hissed. "I am a nanny to two sweet little boys, I don't go to school right now. I did for a while, but not anymore." She left it at that and Edward knew not to push the situation anymore.

"Well, I sadly do go to school still. And, I have a studio class I cannot miss today, can you believe that I'm still having class the day before thanksgiving..., but Bella here is off for the holiday. She can show you around until I get back," Alice winked at Edward before jumping up and kissing Bella on the cheek. She then proceeded to kiss Edward and even Jasper in the same brief manner before whisking away to her room to get ready.

"Don't worry about us," Jasper drawled, "we are happy to bum around town by ourselves."

Bella paused her slow and deliberate chewing briefly as her eyes darkened with some unidentifiable emotion. "I would love to show you around today, but if you want to be on your...

"Oh, if you are not too busy we would love your company," Edward quickly interjected, tossing Jasper a stern look in the process.

Bell visibly relaxed with this assurance and started giving the boys options on where they could all go. They settled on exploring union square, Chinatown, and then the famous piers, which was good because Bella could easily pick up some fresh produce at the farmers market for tomorrows big dinner. She was so nervous. Bella simply needed to make their holiday special. She felt it was all her fault that they were missing out on being with their entire family.

The rest of the day was surprisingly less tense. Bella showed the boys around town, stopping off shop after shop so they could load up on knicks and Nacs to take back home. Bella found that the boys were easy going and fun to be around, their banter so entertaining that she could easily forget all of her worries. Edward was happy to see Bella loosen up more and more as the day went on. She still insisted on keeping her hoodie cocoon wrapped tightly around her, and was sly about always avoiding personal question. But, Edward loved how quick witted and funny she was when it came to talking about non-threatening conversations, even if you had to strain your ears to hear her smart lipped comments.

By the time they finished up at the farmers market they had more food than they could possible carry. So they all had to wait for Alice to rescue them in her little bug. In fact, they did not even have space enough for all of them and the food in her spunky little car. Jasper was quick to claim the passenger seat, leaving Edward to insist upon walking home with Bella. He wouldn't dream of leaving her on her own.

As they strolled up Market Street, Bella quickly retreated back into her shell, walking as far away as possible from Edward. He began to sense a fear in her and figured that Alice must have told her some colorful things about him. The idea of this lovely woman fearing him turned his stomach roughly. "Isabella, I don't know what Al has said to you of me, but I can promise you that you do not need to fear me, I am... well I am not so bad."

Bella looked up to the man and saw nothing but vulnerability in his face. It tore her hear apart, she did not fear him in the least. She feared a many of things, but not him. "Oh, I don't fear you silly, sorry if I am... strange, I just.. I..."

Edward waved her off, "No need to explain yourself to me love." _Love? _He thought. "I just don't want you to be uncomfortable in your own house."

"Oh, well.. trust me it is not you Edward. So, why don't you tell me about yourself- so I can see how Alice's stories match up to reality?"

Edward was glad to have the chance to ramble on with Bella, and was careful about keeping the conversation on his own self rather than on her. He told her of his studies and how he had always been his parent's favorite little student until he decided to quit and change careers at 26. He wanted to be honest with her, but not fish for pity either, so he glossed over the damaged relationships within his family. Instead he moved on to talked of his love for music, his new closeness with Jasper, and how he missed his partner in crime, Emmett.

Bella seemed interested in everything he had to say, asking appropriate questions here and there, but otherwise staying generally quite. The sound of his voice was soothing to her, yet after a while, she started to feel guilty in how one sided the conversation was. Bella did not wish him to think her as rude, so she forced herself to speak up more saying, "Well have to tell you Alice was really does adore you, she actually didn't say anything to terribly detrimental. I really do love your crazy sister.. I don't have many... friends here and, well finding her has been really, um- great."

"Awwh well yeah Alice is hard not to love, how did you two meet anyway."

Bella briefly squeezed her eyes shut before saying "well, I needed a place to live and she was very welcoming..." she laughed, "insistent really. I moved in on my birthday two years ago... it was a great present."

"Oh, well I'm glad she has found a great friend like you." Edward soothed. "So, how old are you... I'm going to guess... 20, 21?"

Bella's face light up with happiness at Edward, "No, I'm older than your Alice she sighed, but I do appreciate the compliment... I am 25." Edward was thrilled at this piece of information, with him fast approaching 29, he was glad she was older then Alice. Not that he ever expected to win this mysterious girl's heart.

"I'm about to kiss my 20's goodbye, so you shouldn't worry so much. Besides, your absolutely perfect by the way."

Bella blushed deeply and squished up her face in disagreement at his words.

The two of then walked the rest of the way in silence, each lost in their own thoughts and worries. When they got back Edward felt completely exhausted from his long day of travel and sight-seeing. He found Jasper and Alice in much the same situation, sprawled out on the sofa and floor taking a much needed rest.

"Phew I am beat." Jasper exclaimed, "whose says we all take a nap before we hit up this town at night?"

Edward heartily agreed, and started to blow up his air mattress, keeping one eye on Bella as she softly slipped away into her own bedroom. Bella had no intention of sleeping right now, in fact she desperately wanted to get away. If she had any chance of peaceful sleep this weekend she would have to burn herself out to the point of comatose. Once in her room, she quickly changed into her running clothes, grabbed her I-pod, and tried to sneak out unnoticed.

When she tip toed through the living room she couldn't help but giggle at Jasper's loud snoring and the site of Alice lost staring at her country crush unabashedly. Edward was sprawled out on his mattress and appeared to be sleeping as well, and for that she was highly grateful. Quickly, she squeezed through the door, and broke out into a full run the second she was safely in the hallway. This was her daily routine, even twice daily sometimes. Bella would run and run until her legs throbbed and lungs burned, until she simply could run no more, all with the hopes that it would allow her to sleep through the night.

Back home Edward had not yet fallen asleep though, and when he heard the door creak open, panic quickly set in. _How the __fuck could she be going to work__ out__ after walking around nearly all day. She had looked so tired too. And__,__ it is nearly dark out__- is she running alone outside?_Edward tried to jump up after her, but struggled to make his way out of the awkward air mattress, cursing and groaning all the way. He would have to chase after her now.

But just as he was putting his shoes on, Alice softly touched his shoulder. "You are going to have to just let her go Edward. She will be fine, trust me."

"Alice what the fuck is going on with her?"

Alice sighed and shook her head. "I am tired Eddie, and so are you. I am happy though, I am so surprised she went out with you today. Let's just try to get her to come out with us tonight too ok? I knew you would be good for her." Alice kissed Edward's cheek before turning into her room. "And, please for God Sake take a nap and then... a shower" she laughed turning her nose up high.

Edward plopped down on his bed in resignation. He would never know which way to go to find her now. _How had __this woman__ gotten so deep into his heart already? _He needed to know her, he wanted to feel her. He closed his eyes again with no intention of sleeping until she had returned safe and sound. But even he could not fight his own exhaustion, and he soon found himself lost in dreamland.

_"Hello Sir, how was your shift, I missed you." Isabella was standing in the hall of Edward's old Settle apartment, wearing nothing but a pair of navy blue undies and a white tank top. Her hair was wet and her eyes darkened with lust. _

_ "It was good love, but I missed you __too and__ I am tired. I hope you have cooked something nice for me today."_

_ "As always Sir, it is my pleasure to. It will be ready shortly." She walked __over and __kissed him softly__ before going__ into the kitchen to grab him a beer. Edward followed behind__,__ staring at her beautiful ass, which was __slightly__ fuller then the one she sported now._

_ "Thank you love,__" Edward praised__.__ "Now__,__ have you been a good girl today? Did you eat and do your work out?"_

_ Bella looked down sadly before shaking her head. "I did eat breakfast and worked out, but... I did not __remember__ to eat lunch. I got much too involved in my writing..."_

_ "Li__ttle girl I will not tolerate that__ you know. I am going to spank you before bed__." Edward stated it calmly with__out __a trace __of anger__ in his voice__. And__,__ Bella merely nodded in acceptance. Edward pulled her closely and hugged her tight. She smelled incredible to him__,__ and he could not keep his cock from growing at the touch of her soft skin. "Oh Bella, my Bella look at what you do me" he laughed._

_ Bella blushed deeply and looked at him with a silent question in her eye. Edward cupped her chin and whispered "Only if you wish my love," which caused Bella's blush to deepen and a smile to spread across her pink face. Slowly, she melted down to her knees and unzipped his pants, granting his throbbing member its much desired freedom. _

_ Edward murmured in approval and placed a soft hand to the back of her head, guiding her lips over the slick surface of his head. She did not stop there though. Bella closed her eyes, placed both hands on either side of Edwards hips __as she__ began to deeply take in every inch of __his cock__. __Edward__ soon felt weak in the knees and had to brace himself upon the marble counter._

_ "Jesus Christ love__,__ that feels good." He panted, allowing his head to roll back. Bella began to increase her speed and suction, rolling her tong roughly over his head before quickly taking him all back down into her throat. _

_ "Oh... fuck." Edward grunted. "I am almost there love, get ready... I want... ugh.. I want you to drink it... take every last... arrrgggh." Edward screamed as he shot himself into her hot mouth. Bella did not hesitate in sucking him dry either._

_ Afterward, she clean__ed__ him up and pressed her flush cheek into his firm stomach, breathing all of him in. Edward gently stroked her hair and whispered his praise and gratitude to her._

_ "DING"_

_ "There's dinner" Bella smirked before rising up._

"Ding, Ding Ding." Edward opened his blurry eyes at the noise that kept repeating over and over again throughout the silent apartment. _What. The. Fuck. Was. That. Dream. About. _He thought to himself bitterly. The apartment was pitch black now, and it seemed everyone was still sound asleep. Edward's dick throbbed in painful alertness. He would not be going back to sleep anytime soon.

"Ding, Ding, Ding."

_Bella. _Edward remembered she had left for a run, probably hours ago when he heard the doorbell chime once again. Quickly, he jumped up and adjusted himself as best he could, before fumbling his way to open the front door.

And there Bella stood, covered in sweat, panting and leaning against the door frame.

"Sorry, I … I did not bring my keys with me for some stupid reason." she mumbled. She had hoped to God that anyone else but Edward would come to answer the door.

He stared down at her with harsh disapproval before moving over slightly to allow her entrance. She figured he was angry at her for waking him up. He wasn't. He was angry that she had forgotten her keys, or forgotten to take anything with her for that matter. He was angry that she had ran well past dark, and that he still did not understand that crazy ass dream he had just had.

"No worries, but you should be more careful about stuff like that."

"Yeah. Sorry." Bella shuffled off down to her room and gently shut the door, leaving Edward to sit in silence brooding over everything.

Once in her room, Bella nearly collapsed into her mattress in pure exhaustion, just as she had intended too. Sleep was what she needed, what she craved.

But 15 minutes later the house was filled with her agonizing screams. Bella was lost again in the nightmare.

"Alice! Her fucking door is locked," Edward screamed, as he burst into his little sister's room. "What the hell is going on with her, and no more of avoiding it, start fucking talking now!"


	5. Chapter Four: Gobble Gobble

**Four: Gobble Gobble**

Alice was sound, a set of nice new ear plugs stuck snugly into her ears. She felt guilty about trying to tune out Bella's inevitable screams, but she also needed some beauty sleep. With Jasper here Alice was determined to be the best version of herself. Plus, she really hadn't expected Bella to nap, or even get back from her run, before she was done with her nap. Oh how wrong Alice was.

When Edward burst into her room, ripping her covers off and tearing her away from a great dream that had something to do with Jasper and a white horse, Alice knew that Bella must have actually fallen asleep. Her brother's face was livid and full of concern.

"Alright, alright just leave her alone. I'll be out in 5 min and we will talk." Alice yawned as she nudged Edward towards the door. "Oh, and Edward, make coffee, strong coffee."

Edward did not need to make the coffee; Jasper had already taken up the task. Looking up to meet Edward's concerned gaze with an equally concerned grimace, Jasper said, "Well, I guess we know why Miss Bella did not want to come up to Forks."

A few seconds later the screams stopped, leaving the house in stifling silences once again. Edward wondered if Bella was still sleeping. He hoped she was, though he couldn't imagine anyone staying in slumber through all that. Then the thought occurred to him that perhaps she was having the same kind of dream he had, but just reacting in an entirely different manner.

_Don't be stupid Edward,_ _that is not what this is._

When Alice strolled into the kitchen 30 minutes later, Edward was annoyed to find she had dressed and applied makeup. She looked peaceful and ready, excited even. Edward grunted and waited for her to start with the explaining.

"Well, that one was not as bad as it normally is." Alice graciously accepted a steaming mug of coffee, sipping it cautiously, before beaming up at Jasper, "This is just the way I like it Jazz."

"Of course, I think I am beginning to know you little pixy."

"Alice," was all Edward had to say curtly.

"I really don't know Eddie. She has these... these nightmares. She has them almost every single night. She tries to not sleep, or to exhaust herself so she can just pass out, but that rarely works... she, she doesn't ever want to talk about it with me... I really just don't know why."

"How long has she been like this," Edward asked. His gut was feeling queasy thinking of that sweet girl laying alone in utter terror every night.

"Always," Alice whispered.

"Well, I have seen stuff like this before." Jasper sighed. "In the service, after we came into some real shit... some of the boys started to get these, um, these night terrors."

"So, you think something real must have happened to her right," Alice's lip started to quiver. "I sort of figured this, but she never wants to talk about herself. I mean we are really close, but still I hardly know anything about her. Shit, she won't even tell me when her birthday is."

"It was whatever day she moved in with you," Edward stated flatly.

"Wow," Alice muttered to herself. "Ok, brother I am officially giving you the job to fix Bella. You seem to be able to get her to open up faster than I ever could."

"You are damn right I have the job, I cannot believe you are telling me she has not celebrated her birthday in at least two years."

The door to Bella's room creaked open, and she rushed past everyone in the kitchen without acknowledging them on her way to the bathroom. She had overheard everything and was totally mortified. But, there was nothing she could do about it. Except to ignore the situation, and vow not to sleep again when anyone was home.

Jumping into an ice cold shower, Bella let the stinging spray assault her skin for as long as she could stand. _You will not burden this man with your stupid, insignificant nonsense Bella. Keep your mouth closed and let him enjoy his damn vacation. _ She could not even understand why she felt this pull towards Edward, and she did not like it one bit. She had only ever felt this way once before in her life, with Jacob. And, that clearly did not turn out so well. Jake was Bella's everything. The man she would have done anything for, did do anything for. Hell, she even gladly followed him across the entire country, and now she was alone and afraid all of the damn time. Bella knew she could never let herself trust anyone like that again.

After the shower, Bella stalled around the bathroom for as long as possible, strumming back and forth with the idea of going out with everyone tonight or not. In her hands she held both her coveted bottles of no doze and sleep aid. In the end, Bella decided to pop three sleeping pills, with hopes of getting her sleep in while everyone was out enjoying themselves.

"Bells are you ok yet? I was thinking of taking these goons down to the mission tonight... maybe doing some pub trivia?" Alice tapped on the door, speaking in a soft rush with her head on the smooth gloss finished door. "I know you probably want some alone time though, and I think I can get them to agree... though Edward may be trouble."

Bella swung the door open at this statement. She was now dressed in her favorite flannel pajamas. "I am going to rest Al, please just give me like 2 hours."

"Don't be silly lady, I will keep these boys occupied until at least 2. You just get some rest, and make sure to lock the doors." Alice squeezed Bella's arm softly, she was still slightly offended that Bella had opened up to her ogre of a brother, but she loved Bells too much to hold grudges. Bella was desperate for some kind of release and if Edward could get her there then so be it. But, Alice also knew what Bella really needed was some damn sleep. "Now, count to 30 Bella then high tails it to your room," Alice winked before turning on her heel and running into the living room.

Edward and Jasper had both reluctantly, and excitedly dressed for a night on the town. Edward, of course, had not wanted to get ready until he had spoken with Bella, while, Jasper was just ready to go and play with Alice. When Alice rushed into the room, they both looked up with very different feelings in their eyes. "I need both of you strong boys to help me in my room please," Alice beamed.

"Al, have you spoken to her yet?" Edward sighed, pulling on his own bronzed hair.

"shhh, shhh come on now, she is ok- but I, I need you." Alice pulled on Edwards's hand, guiding him into her master suite. "I have been having the worst back pains, and I just realized it is probably because I have never turned my mattress once in these last two years... so can you two big strong men take care of that for me?"

"What? Now? Sometimes Mary-Alice..." Edward warned shaking his head, though he had already started to peel the sheets off of her bed. The task wasn't hard, and together Jasper and Edward had the bed flipped in under a minute. But, a minute was all Bella had needed to slip back into her room and secure the door nicely. When Edward heard the click of Bella's lock, he immediately put two and two together.

"I am not leaving her here Alice."

"Come on buddy, if she doesn't want to go out then she doesn't want to go out." Jasper sighed.

"It is not that Edward, listen I know her and she needs to sleep. She is not going to be comfortable trying to sleep when she knows we are all here and are all awake. So, we need to just give her some time... it is what is best for her right now."

Edward couldn't argue with his sister's impeccable reasoning, and he knew she learned her dirty mattress tactics from none other than himself. So, with resignation and light brush of his hand across Bella's closed door, Edward followed Alice and Jazz into the cold night air.

The mission was a fun place filled with the enticing smells of taco carts and tequila. It had been in full swing this Wednesday night because of the impending holiday. The gang had settled on a bar called Monks Kettle, and they were happy to sit and sip exotic beers all night. But besides from coming up with the funny festive team name, Jingle my bells and I'll give you a white Christmas, Edward was no help for trivia. He had left his head and heart in SOMA with the pretty and disturbed Isabella Swan. Tonight he could only go through the motions enough to appease his little sister.

Back in the loft, Bella was quick to fall asleep with help from her medication, and the great rush of relief that came with some much needed privacy. Perhaps, it was this lack of stress that allowed Bella to drift into one of those oh so rare pleasant dreams this night...

_"Isabella Marie Swan, I think it is time you crawl under th__is desk and take care of me now," __ Edward said __with a devilish crooked smile. She was all to__o__ eager to oblige. Edward was practically glowing__,__ sitting at a big mahogany desk__, as__ Bella slowly crawled her__ way over to him, the cold hardwood floor scratching her knees. __Once at the beautiful man__'s side, Bella __ slowly helped him to release his man__ hood, before slipping under the__ desk._

_ The small space felt like a warm cocoon. Edward caressed the side of Bella's face and sighed as Bella licked all around the edge of his taught head. He tasted just as he smelled, like freshly washed cotton and juniper berries. It took forceful restraint on Bella's part not to ravish him too quickly. She knew that when he asked her for his, he intended for it to last. That was confirmed when she heard the tapping sounds of Edwards keyboard resuming._

_ With ease and great care, Bella worshiped his penis, licking it slowly from tip to root__,__ over and over again. She was growing painfully wet with every twitch and grunt she evoked from the man whose face she could no longer see. Pretty soon she needed more, much, much more, and she begin to roughly gobble him up whole. Grunting and humming as she took the full length of him into her mouth__, Bella __ was becoming breathless and dizzy from the work of it. And__,__ it was clear __that Edward was quickly losing __ his battle for control._

"_Fuck you are good at this love;__ I am losing my mind up here.__" His words of encouragement only provoked her frantic movement more, and tempted her to begin to rub herself as well._

_ "mmmmmmhhhhhh," Bella chanted over his rock hard length, pressing herself over and over again into Edwards leg._

_ "I. am. Close. Now, " She heard him grunt before he pushed his hips up hire, forcing himself even deeper into her stinging throat. It was a movement that sent her right over the edge._

_ "Ahhhhhhh!" Bella screamed as she came all over her own painted fingernails._

_ "Sooooo, naughty!" Edward grunted before unloading himself as well. " I don't believe I ever gave you permission to cum, now did I little one," Edward laughed playfully._

_ "Sorry, you are just so irresistible" Bella sighed, laying her head in his laps and closing her eyes._

The rest of the night passed blissful uninterrupted for Bella. It was the first time in months she had slept for more than 3 hours without awaking in terror. And, after sleeping nearly 11 hours, Bella awoke at 8 am to find two passed out lumps huddled on the sectional sofa, Alice and Jasper. They were both snoring out of sync so that there was practically no silence to be found at all in the house. Bella shook her head at the sorry sight of them. But, she was sad and concerned to find that Edward was nowhere to be found.

_H__e probably ran away as fast as he could after hearing your wailing last night moron. Jasper only stayed because he wants Alice. You should just leave and stop messing up her life. But, you have __nowhere__ else to go__,__ now do you?_Now that her head was no longer cloudy from exhaustion,Bella's fears and frustrations were building up at and unstoppable rate. She needed to clear her head out before her sanity totally slipped away. She needed to run.

So, once again Bella dressed in her workout clothes and grabbed her I-pod. In a flash, she was sprinting down the street, on the way to nowhere in particular. Lost in her own world, she did not see or hear Edward as she flew past him. She did not even mind the traffic lights as she darted into interaction after intersection, nor did she notice the sound of the pounding footsteps that followed in tune with her own, Edwards's footsteps.

Edward had first heard the car horns honking loudly before he saw her, the lady who had haunted his dreams the entire night, the one who had inspired him to get in line for four overpriced Turkish coffees at 8 am on a holiday. Bella. Running yet again and doing so in the most unsafe manner he had ever seen. The woman ran as if not one other person or object existed in the world, as if her entire life depended upon going to where ever she was going to. In Seattle he had seen so many young runners die from this same kind of stupid carelessness. Pedestrian and vehicle accidents were one of the worst kinds of calls to get for an EMT.

Edward did not even think before throwing down the tray of coffee and jogging after her. He needed to make sure she was safe, and he desperately wanted to know where she was going. Catching up to Bella was fairly easy, Edward had always kept himself in great shape, and though it was obvious Bella was over exerting herself, her pace was actually rather slow for him. _Of course it is, she is ter__ribly exhausted and malnourished,_he thought to himself sadly. Edward couldn't decide if she should just run up and stop her, or if he should be the freaky stalker he knew he wanted to be and follow closely behind.

_Stalker._ He decided, unable to let go of his need to better understand this woman. He watched as she ran, fumbling and stumbling along the uneven pavement. She paid no attention to anything around her, and kept nervously clicking her I-pod, never listening to one song for more than a few seconds. Together, they went blocks and blocks away from their neighborhood. Edward was horrified to notice that her random route seemed to be taking her into a seedy section of town. Soon, she was running inches away from sleeping bums, and maneuvering around what was clearly groups of hoodlums making "deals." Bella noticed none of it. She just kept running and clicking her damn I-pod.

There were cat calls and dirty looks thrown her way, this was absolutely no place for her to be and Edward was beyond livid about such carelessness. But, Bella didn't mind. She had no real concern for herself anymore. She had already been a victim in the streets of San Francisco, and that was in a good neighborhood. So, to her, it did not matter. She never felt safe anywhere as it was, always felt as if someone was following just behind ready to pounce.

And, today Edward was ready to pounce. He wanted to grab her up, throw her over his should and cart her ass back home. Instead, he picked up his pace and ran alongside her until she finally noticed him and halted in pure shock.

"Wha...what are you doing here?" She asked breathlessly.

"I was getting coffee when I saw you nearly get hit by a fucking car, so I felt slightly obligated to follow you and make sure you stayed alive... as it seems by the looks of this shithole neighborhood, that you have no intention of doing so."

Bella had never been spoken to like that and she couldn't understand why he would care at all. This man was infuriating to her. "Well why the fucks do you even care. I don't need anyone to take care of me and I certainly can do without a stalker." Bella turned to leave, stepping out into the street without looking.

Edward's heart leaped when he saw the oncoming car just inches from Bell's path. He grabbed her arm roughly and tugged her back onto the street. "Yeah, clearly you are tooootallly capable of taking care of yourself." He huffed.

Bella could feel the sharp traitorous tears of embarrassment and exhaustion forming in her eyes. There would be no fighting them at this point, the only thing she could do was try to get away before he saw them fall. "I am... I am sorry," she whispered before turning to slowly walk away this time. Her tears ran hot down her cheeks the second she turned away from him.

He followed slowly for a few blocks, watching her shoulders heaving up and down as she tried to silently get her sobbing under control. But she was quickly losing her battle, and he could see unruly people ahead of her, priming to pick on the poor crying women. He needed to calm her down.

"Isabella please stop. I am sorry for being such a first class ass to you. I just, I feel very... protective of you. I don't really even understand it myself but... can you please just talk to me. You can trust me; I only want to help you." Edward reached up and wiped her blotchy face with the back of his sleeve.

"I don't need any help," she stubbornly replied, sticking her bottom lip out for extra measure.

Edward found that lip so enticing, even at a time like this he could not help but to imagine what it might taste like. _Focus dumb-ass._

"Isabella Swan do you think I am a fool, or that I am a stupid man?"

Bella was shocked at his question. She thought he was nothing short of brilliant. "No of course not, please … just I am not worth your time. Let's just go home I need to start dinner."

Edward shook his head, and placed his hand on the small of her back, leading her towards a line of taxi cabs he had spotted. "Bella we are going to go somewhere you love, and we are going to talk. We can talk about anything you like, but we are going to talk for one hour before we go home. Now, tell the driver where you want to go."

"South Park and 3rd street please."

The words just flew out of her mouth before her brain even had time to argue. _What is wrong with me _she wondered as they silently drove along the street.

The taxi pulled up to a gas station and Bella got out, walking off down the small secluded side street. Edward kept his eyes on her while he was payed the driver and quickly followed behind her. He had not expected her to go without a fight, and he was suddenly feeling very optimistic and excited. Alone time with the women of his dreams seemed like a great thanksgiving present, even if they would be talking of unpleasant stuff.

Bella made her way into a small playground surrounded by upscale houses and closed French bistros. She sat on a swing and waited for Edward to join her. "I love this street; it reminds me of New York City... I very much love New York City."

Edward smiled at her innocent sounding voice, he thought the area she choose to be perfect, beautiful, safe, and calming. It was also dead empty.

"Are you from New York Isabella?" He asked her quietly in a tone that said he expected her to answer all of his questions.

"No."

"Well then where are you from little one?"

Bell sighed and closed her eyes, swinging ever so slightly. "Let's see I was born in Arizona but I grew up in Georgia."

Bella was not going to give any more information than required, but Edward was more than happy to supply the questions.

"Georgia- that is quite far away from here. What brought you all the way out this way?" Edward asked, eyeing her facial reaction closely. A sad smile spread across her face and she started to slightly blush.

"Well, why else," she sighted bitterly, "I followed a boy."

Edward felt that familiar drop in his stomach. He wasn't sure if he could handle any of this information, yet he still wanted it. Standing up, he walked behind Bella and started to push her on the swing a little. It would be easier on her if she couldn't see his reactions.

"So, you followed your...um... your boyfriend?"

"Jacob, the only boy I have ever loved _or ever thought I could love __until you__, _she added in her head."

Edward remained silent and Bella knew he expected more from her. "Well, Jake and I grew up together. We had been dating since we were pre-teens," she laughed. "I love him... I mean I loved him. When I was 18 I was so sure he would... you know propose to me... but he never did. He was confused about what he wanted to do with his life, and I, well I just wanted to be his wife."

Bella stopped talking, and Edward saw her wiping away a few stray tears. He stopped the swing and rubbed her shoulders. "And when did you two decided to move out here?"

"Well Jake finally decided he wanted to go to school here... and I never questioned it. Where ever he was going, so was I... plus I really wanted...a... break from my family."

Edward heard it in her voice, her family was another issue all together, and she was not ready to go there with him yet. In fact, she was close to shutting down the conversation all together, but he had to know first.

"Bella did Jake hurt you... physically?" He asked through gritted teeth, not even noticing that he was now squeezing her shoulders much too tightly.

"What! No, no no.. he just.. he just left me. When we first moved here things were great. Jake was... is doing really well in school. And, I found a job that paid for all our bills, just barley but it did. It is my fault really. After 10 years of being together I decided to ask him when he wanted to... you know get married... it was stupid really, why would anyone want to marry me."

"So he left you? He brought you 3,000 miles across the country, to a place where you know no one, and then he broke up with you... that bastard." Edward wanted to go find the idiot at once, and give him a piece of his mind.

"It's ok It is not his fault that he doesn't love me." Bella said in a small sad little voice," I don't blame him for what has happened to me."

"Isabella there is more? What happened... why why do you scream at night love." _Love? _He thought to himself, the word sounded so right coming out of his mouth.

Bella remained silent.

"Isabella. Just. Tell. Me."

"No it is not important."

Edward was ripping chunks of his own hair out by roots. "Don't say such things, I have only just met you and already you are so very important to me." He said with much restraint.

"No. I am not important. I do not matter, Edward you are wasting your time on something that is totally and completely worthless."

Edward felt like he had been slapped, to hear her say such awful things about herself was beyond painful. And it was painfully obvious that she wholeheartedly believed every word she spoke.

He had never wanted to spank some sense into another person as much as he did in that moment. But, he was afraid to even try for fear that she had suffered some type of real abuse before. "Isabella Swan I want you to listen to me real carefully right now. Everything you just said is total bull shit. I can see that you are not ready to talk about whatever it is, and we have to get back home soon so I am going to drop it- for now. But know this, if I ever hear you talk negatively about beautiful Bella ever again, I. Will. Spank. You. And, on-top of that, you can also count on a spanking if you ever do anything as carelessness as this running episode again, because Bella you are now a person who is very much loved and cared for."

Bella lost all knowledge of the English language after hearing his stern words. She was loved, but why, she wondered. And, she knew she should be angry about his brutish threats, especially since he has been known to follow through. Yet, really all she felt was an odd exhilaration and an overwhelming happiness. _He cares about me? _She questioned over and over again. But she wasn't about to let him see how he was affecting her, she would never be that weak again. So, without responding she painted a scowl on her face and stood to walk home.

Edward let her go despite the gripping fear that clenched down on his heart. _I am such a goddamn fool, I am going to scary this poor girl away. _He really had no idea why he said the things he had, and was beginning to wonder if he was perhaps a bit of a freak. It wasn't that he liked the idea of punishing a woman, _Ok maybe just for fun because Bella would look amazing strung out upon my lap... NO, NO NO- WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME ? _Edward was disgusted with himself and now it was he that needed sometime to just wander around and get his head clear before facing everyone yet again.

He walked the streets for a long while until he finally found his way back to the coffee shop where this horrible day all started. The owner was already closing shop, having limited holiday hours on this day. But, Edward put on his best charm and dazzled her into brewing just four more cups of Turkish coffee-extra strong. He wanted the peace offerings, just in case Bella had reported back to Alice his inappropriate behavior, not that he could blame her if she did. Rather than taking the elevator, Edward sipped the coffee slowly as he dragged his feet up the many flights of stairs to face what he was sure would be a firing squad lead by Alice.

When he arrived he was surprised to find a bundle of brown hair and pale arms heaped in front of the hall door. Bella was curled up in a tight little ball sleeping and looking oddly peaceful considering her awkward position and location. She had forgotten her keys again and Alice and Jasper still must have been knocked out cold from their heavy night of drinking. Edward couldn't possibly leave her in the hallway, but he also knew he was the last person in the world who should be startling her awake. So he quietly went inside and found his sister curled up in Jasper's lap.

"Tink, time to wake up Alkie..." he sighed, waving the coffee mug under her nose. And, as if she were a toy just turned on, Alice jumped up ready to go.

"Oh shit Edward, what time is it," She pushed off of Jasper, and tried not to look too guilty about her new sleeping partner.

"It's almost 11 freak, and look... I need you to go wake Bella up. She is in the hallway outside the front door... and please don't ask... just do it." Edward pinched the bridge of his nose and stalked off towards the balcony.

"Oh dear, what is she a sleep walker now too." Alice pondered with concern.

"Oh, little lady, by the look on your big brothers face, I don't think that is the problem at all. Go take care of that girl... while I take care of your idiot brother," Jasper groaned sleepily. Alice could not help but smile at the man as he wiped the crusty sleep out of his eye. She leaned in to kiss him without even thinking about it.

"What would they do without us," she teased as she dramatically fluttered her eyes.

"I don't know darlin, and quite frankly, I don't know what I would do without you either... we may be in trouble here," He laughed rubbing his nose against hers before heading towards his sulking friend.

Jasper stood silently leaning against the stone wall, as he watched his friend stare down intently at the street below. Edward looked much older than his age in this moment, and Jasper finally realized what everyone else had always said about his friend, he was a bit of an over reactor. Whatever had happened between the Bella and Edward this morning was not so bad that it merited this level of devastation.

"Listen there pansy boy, if it's that bad why you don't just go on ahead and jump," Jasper cackled.

The harsh remark seemed to do the trick of pulling Edward back down to earth though, causing him to face Jasper and sink down into Alice's fluffy white lawn chair. "Dude, you have no fucking idea. I seriously think I have mental issues," He scrunched up his face for extra emphasis.

"Well, that is no big surprise here... but why don't you enlighten me on what finally made you see the light," Jasper chuckled.

Edward ripped at his hair before giving his best friend a dirty look. "No really. I... I threatened to spank her. And... what's more strange are these God damn dreams I have been having... I …. I."

Jasper could no longer keep his chuckle under wraps, and soon found himself bursting out in a full fit of laughter. "honestly buddy, I have never met anyone more clueless about their own selves then you. I knew from the very first week I met you, that you are, and always will be, a Dom- and Edward this is not a bad thing."

"A wha what now?" Edward responded in awe.

"It is just your personality, you have the need to take care of the people you love, a need that is so strong that it spills over into your sexual desires as well- it is perfectly normal." Jasper continued on, feeling only slightly worried about the turn the conversation would inevitable go to.

"Oh." Edward responded in deep thought. "And, how do you know so much about this?"

_Here we go, _Jasper thought, _say bye bye to any chance I ever had at dating Miss Alice Cullen. _"Because it is easy to spot someone who is exactly like themselves."

"Oh. Wow, really?" Edward stammered, "is that why you haven't dated anyone since I've known you."

Jasper laughed at this question. "Why were you wondering if I had a crush on yourself there pretty boy?"

"Not hardly don't flatter yourself." Edward cursed in annoyance.

"Well, I guess that is part of it. I don't date casually though, and I would only date someone who felt the same way I did, I am not trying to force anything upon anyone."

"Well, I... I just don't know about all of this. Fuck I just wanted to come down here and visit my little sister... now... now.."

"Well, now you are finding yourself falling in love and love makes everything messy, sorry to say."

"But, why? How is that even possible."

"Hell if I had those kind of answers I would be one rich as man! I don't know why or how but I do know it is clear as day, you are beyond interested in that little Swan in there- and I can assure you, she feels something for you too. "

"But, but I have no business even thinking of the kind of things I am thinking about with her. She is, she is broken. And now I have gone and probably scared the shit out of her. I'm sure she will never ever talk to me again. I should probably just go back home."

At this statement, Jasper sat back and thought a bit before smiling sadly and placing a hand on his good friend's shoulder. "Maybe so Edward, maybe so, but have you ever thought that maybe you and- even that dirty little mind of yours, is exactly the kind of medicine she needs." Jasper guided his friends head towards the kitchen where they both watched two happy and relaxed girls talking and cooking up a storm. She was at ease in the kitchen, and did not seem in the least bit on edge or offended over their previous conversation.

"Shit man women are more than confusing." Edward muttered.

"you are telling me man, you're telling me." Jasper responded watching his own beautiful dark haired jumping bean with envy. He had no idea how to get what he wanted and still keep his best friend. This was one confusing ass thanksgiving weekend.


	6. Chapter 5: a Turkey Coma and a Pixie

**Five**_**: **_**A Turkey Coma leads to a very Black Friday**

Out of all the wonderful aromas that come along with a holiday like Thanksgiving, Edward was most fond of the sweet and spicy smell of a freshly baked pumpkin pie. There had always been something about that warm pungent odor. It relaxed him. Esme knew this, and was always been sure to bake plenty of the tasty treat all year around for Edward. Today that smell was concocted by a different woman, and it wasn't just calming Edward's nerves, it was downright charging up his libido; a libido which really needed no help in that department.

The smell had woken him up from a most satisfying sleep, and before he even opened his eyes, Edward was picturing the sexy chef who must have been baking it. He imagined Bella in nothing but his favorite football jersey, flour smudged across her face. Her cheeks were vibrant and flushed with life as he saw her rolling out dough and humming some jolly Christmas tune. He couldn't help but to allow a soft smile to spread across his face, nor could he fight the growing hardening in his pants.

When he opened his eyes at last, Edward was surprised to find the house still blanketed in darkness. He had figured it must surely have been morning if baking had already recommenced. But it was only 3 am. Edward quickly grew concerned for his new fascination, Isabella. She had seemed shockingly happy the rest of the day on Thanksgiving, cooking a first class feast for everyone, effectively rendering them all useless slugs for the rest of the day. It was only when Bella had retried to the balcony to take a call from her family did Edward spy the remnants of the broken girl he had first met. He had hesitantly attempted to follow and console her, but by the time she had gotten off the phone, Bella had composed herself back to normal. She was quite good at doing what Edward was now calling the Bella Bot.

It was an act, and Edward had known it. Now, he was chastising himself for not prying past her plastered on cheerfulness. Tip toeing into the kitchen, Edward spied unabashedly at the beautiful girl. She looked exhausted once again, with deep purple smudges under each eye, a drastic difference from the flour smudges he had imagined. Dressed in those same damn workout clothes, and flipping through her I-pod at an even more frantic pace as before. _Ok, Edward go to her. You can help her and get her to sleep__. S__he needs to rest. Just remember to be patient and for god sakes, don't think with your dick. _And, with that thought, Edward swept into the room with grander, so as to force her to take notice of him. He did not wish to startle her in anyway.

Isabella had been expected Alice to be the first one to come barreling into the kitchen well before dawn. It was black Friday after all and Bella knew there would be no getting out of her shopping torture today. She had not slept at all this night, though she still did not yet feel sleepy. She was too conflicted by the confusing emotions running through her body now; they caused her to see flashes of light anytime she dared to close her eyes.

Thanksgiving had been surprisingly peaceful this year. Bella had always been a holiday crazed person, which usually only lead her crushing disappointment when they did not live up to her high expectations. And, with a family like hers they never had. But, after last year, Bella's hopes had died. She no longer expected anything, and so she actually enjoyed this year's low key affair. The only low point of the day was when she made her obligatory daily call home. Those calls were always worse on a holiday, and always left her ridden with guilt and sorrow.

But, she forced her feelings down deep this time, seeing Edward's big green eyes looking at her with concern gave her a strength she had not known existed within her. Bella had no desire to hash it out with this strange man yet again, and she knew she could not filter herself if he started asking questions. Now, at 3 am in the morning though, there was really nowhere for her to hide.

"I'm sorry I woke you up," Bella said, quietly handing Edward a cup of steaming hot coffee.

He took it gratefully saying, "maybe you shouldn't drink this Isabella, have you slept at all?"

"No, but I am ok. And, I need the coffee... trust me Alice will be up any time now to drag me off to black Friday shopping," she shuddered. "I'm sure you boys can get out of it though, if you put your charm on real strong."

Edward had no plans of getting out of going anywhere Bella was going to be. He smiled and shook his head no, saying he wouldn't ever dare try to cross Alice this early in the morning.

The buzzer dinged, indicating that Bella's delicious pumpkin pie was done at last. She turned to open the oven but was shooed off by Edward who said he would take it out. Inside Edward was surprised to find 24 perfectly baked muffins rather then the decedent pumpkin pie he had been expecting.

"They are pumpkin muffins," Bella cooed, "I, um, I thought you might like them for breakfast... ya know since you practically ate two entire pumpkin pies yesterday."

"Well, they were amazing pies... you really can cook. And, um, I really appreciate you thinking of me for the muffins- they smell just as damn good as the pies."

Bella blushed deeply and nodded in response. She could hear the movement of Alice from the back room, it was for once welcoming noise. Bella was dying for the distraction that was tornado Cullen. Dealing with Alice was a small price to pay to get away from alone time with Edward.

"Bells! Shit. I over slept, how could I of done that? We have to hurry if we want to get there right when they open at 4," Alice flew into the kitchen, ignoring Edward's exasperated groan. She was already dressed sharply in a pair of tight jean leggings and a long white tank top, accessories included. Alice was not joking around when it came to this day. She really had no need to hunt sales down at all, since her parents were more than generous with her credit card. But, today wasn't about her. It was about Bella and the desperate need Alice felt to dress the poor girl, despite her demanding she never spend any money on her. Bella was just going to have to suck it up today because Alice had every intention of overhauling her entire closet.

"geeeesh lady, go and get yourself dressed right now! And," she turned to Edward, "If you or your cowboy wants to join us you have exactly 20 min to get ready."

"Is she serious," Edward joked to Bella.

"You really have been away from that unstoppable force for a few years haven't you? Mall opens at 4 today and she will be out for blood." Bella chuckled before patting Edward shoulder and heading off to get dressed, leaving Edward to wake the sleeping giant that was Jasper.

Jasper was dressed and ready to go quicker than Edward had thought was humanly possible, especially for a man almost always keen on living a 'leisurely paced life'. It was obvious to Edward that his best buddy was developing not so innocent thoughts about his little sister. Warning bells were flaring loud and clear inside his head as he remembered Jasper's reference to his less than ordinary sexual preferences. Life was quickly becoming much too complicated for Edward's taste, but_ at least I have some warm tasty muffins to comfort __me__._

After three hours of marathon shopping with his sister, Edward realized he had needed those muffins for much more then comfort, he needing them for fucking stamina. From the second Alice had shuffled them all through the grand golden doors of the Westfield mall, they had all just been trying to keep up with the small frenzied woman. There were skinny jeans, scarfs, sweaters and shoes to fight for. And, fight for them Alice did.

Bella grew more and more anxious with each and every purchases she caught Alice making in a size 8, at least three sizes too big for her small frame, and of course a perfect fit for big Bella. She did not want anyone spending their money on her, but she also did not want to cause a scene in front of Edward and Jasper. Her nerves were shot well before the sun had even risen.

It was somewhere in the middle of Bloomingdales when Bella finally snapped. Alice was attempting to slyly purchase a 460 dollar navy blue cocktail dress which she knew was meant to be for her. Bella had already decided she would just return everything the next day, but this dress was so beautiful she was beginning to resent Alice for making her have to do that. _I just need to get the fuck out of here, there are too many people all around I can't breath_... Bella thought as she tried to sneak away.

Luckily, Jasper was the closest at that time, leant up against a marble banister in exhaustion. Bella could barely make out his pointy noise and small blue eyes behind the pile of bags he had gallantly offered to hold for Alice. Leaning in to alert him of her departure, Bella quickly whispered, "I need a break from the herd, I'm going to grab a snack and a coffee. I will call you guys later..."

Jasper took one look at Bella's grayish sweating skin and knew Edward would kill him if he let that girl go off on her own. But, she most definitely needed out of this hell hole, as she appeared to be seconds away from having a panic attack. So, he did the last thing poor Bella wanted, he called for Edward.

"Hey Edward, Bella is heading out for a snack and seeing as you are such a dag gone pig, I thought you may wanna tag along with her."

Edward was damn near delirious with exhaustion as well from following his crazy sister all around the mall. He was going to have to seriously talk with his parents about the raging shopaholic they had raised. Edward had never claimed to be the most patient of the Cullen clan, that award would have to go to his dear mother, and today what little patience he did possess was quickly fading every time he looked at Bella's pale face.

She was tired and teetering on the edge of some type of breakdown, but short of murdering his sister, there really wasn't anything he could do about it. That is until Jasper, God bless him, gave him a chance to at least dote on the women a little one on one. Now, he could make sure she had something with a decent amount of sugar and carbs in it to help hold her over, he could get some damn control back over the situation.

"Yeah, you know me buddy, I'm starving," Edward replied, thanking Jasper silently.

"No, what you are is a fucking pansy." Alice griped, "But I love you anyway, meet us at the car in an hour.. the sales are almost over." Alice loved making fun of her big brother, but she was secretly happy he was going to be keeping an eye on Bella.

Bella, on the other hand, had already tried to steal away on her own, hoping to get lost in the crowd. She weaved in and out of the zombie like shoppers, trying hard to ignore the disgusting sweaty smell that reeked off of them; it reeked of salt and metal. If she did not get out into the fresh air soon, she knew she was surely going to pass out. Edward was right behind her though, and quickly guided her around the masses into the cold morning air.

"Just take slow deep breaths Bella and you will start to feel better." His voice was low, calm and soothing, which both infuriated and comforted Bella.

"You really are some kind of professional stalker aren't you?"

"No love, I am just... hungry and you have impeccable taste in food. So, where are we going?

Bella stalked off, knowing he would follow, and turned towards a small Mediterranean coffee shop that was known to have great pastries. The idea of eating was actually a pleasant one for her for once. That is until she saw who was standing in line. Jake, the man who had broken her heart, the man she had been attempting to avoid for the past two years, and he was not alone.

_Shit, shit, shit, shit. _Bella chanted over and over again as she found herself frozen in her tracks. Jake had seen her even before she had noticed him, and he was making his way over as fast as he could. Yet, Bella could not pull herself away, she could not... focus on anything. Not even on Edward's concerned voice in her ear. "What's wrong love? Bella?, Isabella, look at me," he pleaded with her.

"Bells," Jake panted as he ran up, nearly knocking Edward over. "Bells, please just talk to me. How, how are you. And, who are you?" he practically growled at Edward.

Edward eyed the dark haired man, who was slightly taller and bigger built then he was, with pure hate. This had to be the 'boy' that Bella followed, the bastard that broke his Bella.

"Jake? I am guessing. I am Edward, a person who actually gives a shit about Bella. Now, why don't you just get out of here… haven't you done enough?" Edward motioned towards the still rooted sweating Bella, whose gaze had seemed to of zoned in on the woman Jake was with.

"Listen Assward, you have no idea what you are talking about. I love Bella and I never wanted to hurt her.. Fuck I have been trying to get her to talk to me for the past two years!" Jake screamed out in frustration. "Bells, please stop changing your number... you have to let me back in. Please? Let me be your friend. And, for the love of God stop sending those checks... I have been sending them to your parents since I didn't know how else to return them."

Edward could feel Bella shaking even though he was not touching her. He needed to get her out of here, but Jake was not going to let them go easily. So, as slyly as he could, Edward texted Jasper 911 and hoped his friend would get there quickly. He had expected Jasper to swoop in and take point against Jake, while Edward tended to Bella. He had not expected his firecracker of a sister to come barreling down the street, knocking into Jake at full Alice force. She even dropped her Fendi bag before basically mounting the giant Jake, screaming incoherently the entire time.

"You. I know all about you, you're the one she screams about every god damn night! Does it make you feel like a big man beating up on a woman!"

It took a few seconds for everyone to shake the shock off their faces and spring into action. Bella was the first to respond, having been jolted out of her cationic state. And, she was angry, angry at Jake, angry at her parents, angry at Edward, and most of all angry at Alice.

"ENOUGH," Bella's usual meek voice belated out. "I have had enough. Alice, Jake. is. Not. The. One. Who. Hurt. me. So just get the hell off of him."

Her words were laced with both frustration and pure concern for the beastly scoundrel who was standing there allowing Alice to have her way with him. He was strong physically and un-phased by the tiny form cling around his neck, but Bella knew how shark fingernails could hurt. Edward was about to interject Bella's defense, wanting to rip into the man that he knew broke her innocent heart. But, even he could not deny the look of pure agony and alarm that radiated off of Jake after he heard Bella's word. Jake may have broken Bella's heart, but he most definitely had never physically harmed her. Not that it made Edward feel better at all.

"Somebody ha..hurt you Bells?" Jake asked quietly over top of Alice's inky head. His jaw was taught and twitching when he grunted something that sounded along the lines of "who I want his Goddamn name."

But, Jakes words only re-directed Bella's anger, "Why the hell do you even care Jake? I am no longer your concern- and I am also able to take care of my parents without your help, though I am sure Charlie has been more than happy with double allowance. WHY CAN'T YOU JUST TAKE THE DAMN MONEY I WANT YOU TO DO WELL IN SCHOOL."

"Wait, what," Alice gasped. "You have been sending this... this.. mutt money? Have you gone completely insane Bella... he.. he left you homeless!"

"You know what? Fuck this." Bella yelled before doing what she does best and turning to bolt.

"No, no no no no Bells don't leave... please," Jake muttered with his head hung low. For some reason the sight of him caused Edward to pity the man. He was not about to do anything to make Bella uncomfortable, but he did wish to throw the guy a bone, at least until he got the full story once and for all.

Edward placed his hand gently on Bella's sagging shoulders to stop her progression. "I will go with her man, and you here are going to give my good friend Jasper your information. Later, whether Bella wants to speak to you or not, I will at least contact you and let you know how she is doing... And, when I do, you will be providing me with some answers."

With that, Edward turned him and Bella around and started to walk towards home. He could hear Jasper busily trying to sweet talk his sister into "climbing on down off of the big man now." It was hard not to smile a bit at Alice, she defiantly was a Cullen and she would of made Emmet proud today. As they walked, Edward kept his hand on Bella's shoulder, and Bella leaned almost all of her weight onto his side, allowing him to guide her anywhere he wanted.

"Shall we go back to your park little one?"

Bella sighed and snuggled even closer into his warm body, taking in his sweet vanilla scent. She didn't need to give any further reply then that, Edward was already hailing a cab.

The air was dense with the cold morning fog on this side of the city, causing everything in the park to be coated in fine damp moisture. Edward wiped the swing set off as best he could with his jacket before sitting Bella down and heading off to buys breakfast. "Do not run away from me little Swan because I will find you." Bella barely registered his words, his departure, or his return. She was unaware of her shivering either, because she had retried into herself. Numb and basically cut off from the world, all she could hear was a slight humming in the back of her head. It was usually nice, a feeling she had been able to turn to these past years when things just got to overwhelming. It was not quite as good as her beloved missed good nights of sleep, but it was at least something.

Today, it did not feel nice though. Bella was tired of being afraid and alone. She was tired of feeling in-human, of not feeling at all. And, she felt increasingly sorry for the frantic man kneeling down in front of her, trying for some unknown reason to drag her out of this deep dark pit of despair.

"Bella? Bella? ISABELLA!" Edward barked, staring into two muddy lifeless brown eyes. She was looking right at him, and yet he doubted she could even see him. Her lips were tinted blue and clenched into a tight line as she bit down hard on the inside of her cheeks.

Edward had seen this reaction before in shock victims, but he couldn't understand what would have sent Bella over that edge today. He picked her up and sat himself down on the swing, cradling her cold body into his warm chest. "Bella love, just listen to me, and follow my breathing. You are going to be fine."

It was his smell again, that damn vanilla smell. It was much too powerful for Bella to hide from, and with each whiff she breathed in, her shell began to thin and crack. "Edward... please." Bella moaned.

"'Yes love, anything just tell me what to do."

Bella knew what she wanted, and it was totally incomprehensible. She could not, and would not ever ask for that. So instead she tried her damnedest to find her way back into her hole, glazing her eyes over once again.

"Not uh love, no fucking way." Edward grabbed her tiny body and turned her around to face him. "You are not going to hide yourself away anymore," he whispered before slowly kissing her forehead, nose and finally lips.

In an instant Bella swung back to life, clinging to Edward's neck, her nails digging painfully into his shoulder skin. "Please, please, please Edward."

"Yes. Just tell me what you want little one."

"Fuck. No I can't"

"Yes, you can I want to take care of you Bella."

"Jesus fine, I want you to spank me, spank me Edward, spank me so I can fucking feel something again," Bella shrieked before burring her face into the crock of his neck.

Her words were not at all what Edward had expected to hear and he did not know what to do. But, what he did know is that he did not ever want to embarrasses Bella, or make her stop opening up to him. So, he rubbed small circles into her back to try and sooth her nervousness while he collected his own thoughts and feelings.

"Isabella I need you to sit up and look at me now. Don't be afraid," Edward lightly pushed her body off of his and guided her chin up to meet his eyes.

Two chocolate brown eyes met his. Two eyes that was no longer muddy and lifeless, though they were sparking with insecurity, need, shame, and perhaps a bit of lust. It was all Edward needed to see to ignite his resolve. "Let's go home" he said in a voice that sent shivers down Bella's spine.

The walk home was fast and silent, the only noises being that of their shuffling feet and Edward's clicking on his cell phone.

"_**Please do not come home for at least the next two hours. Everything is fine. Maybe get something for dinner if you can... lets stay in and relax tonight.**__**-E**__**" **_Edward had hoped it was vague enough not to spark questions neither him nor Bella were able to answer quite yet.

Bella's stomach was a wreck, flipping and flopping with worry and anticipation. She could not believe this was actually happening. Edward had not said one word to her along the way home and she was starting to worry about whether or not he thought she was crazy. She was also praying that Alice still had Jasper stuck under her shopping claws, if the house was not empty her embarrassing confession would have been for nothing.

But, her fears were eased once they reached the building's lobby. "I have told Jazz and Ally to stay away for at least 2 hours, so let's go to your room and talk," Edward spoke softly. It was not a question. It was an order that Bella dared not to disobey.

Edward was slightly disappointed at the baron state of Bella's room. There was a shabby bed, a desk and a massive pile of books stacked neatly on the floor. And, that was it. He noticed the open closet was just as vacant, with a few outfits strung about, but nothing like what a beautiful girl her age should have had.

"Sit," he commanded, pointing to her unmade bed.

Bella listened eagerly, her body covered in a deep pink blush. She watched as Edward pulled out her wooden desk chair and brought it over to face her, searching for any traces of anger or judgment upon his face.

Edward sat down face to face with the clearly nervous Bella and asked her quietly, "Isabella have you ever been spanked before?"

Bella immediately turned her gaze down and shook her head no. Every inch of her body was now noticeably tense. "No... I know I am a freak... that there is something horribly wrong with me. Just forget what I said. I was just being stupid."

"No, pick your head up right now," Edward demanded, "And I would be real fucking careful about how you speak about yourself in front of me from now on. I don't think you are truly ready for a real punishment little one, but if you push me that is exactly what you will get."

His voice was so eerily assertive, that is felt as if it was physically pulling her head up in compliance with his request.

"Now, Bella love, I am going to spank you because you need it. And, I expect you to allow me to take good care of you. I expect you to submit to me as best as you can. Do you trust me Isabella?"

"Yes."

"Sir is appropriate when you are in this situation... do you understand?"

"Yes Sir." The words just seem to be flying out of her mouth, and they felt oddly easy to say.

"Good girl," Edward cooed. "Now, stand up and take off your pants for me... Do not be alarmed I will not take down your panties."

Edward watched Bella intently for any sign of panic. He saw lots of emotions run across her face in those few seconds, but panic was never one of them. And, as she slowly stood and began to take off her pants, Edward knew that this beautiful girl had him. He was falling in love with her and there was nothing he could do about it.

"God you are so beautiful Bella. Now come over to me and lay across my lap."

He watched her debate with herself, giving her time to let it be her own choice. She looked so damn delectable standing there in a pair of silver panties. He saw her nod and whisper something to herself before placing her body awkwardly over his lap. It was impossible to keep his manhood under check once he felt the pressure of her warm body. But, this time would not be about himself, so Edward tried his best to adjust so as not to make her too uncomfortable with the already strange situation.

Lying across his knee, Bella was blazing with embarrassment and second guesses. Yet, even so she felt oddly safe as Edward stroked the small of her back. "I am sorry about that love, I cannot help what your beautiful body does to me. But, I will never do anything you are not ready for." Bella wished she could tell him how happy she had been to feel his hardness, it made her feel pretty, and she never felt pretty.

"Ok, now listen closely to me. I want you to hold on tight to my legs, do not ever let them go. There is no reaching back once this starts, Do you understand me Bella? There will be consequences if you try to block me."

"Yes, yes sir."

"Good," He sighed.

Bella felt him shift his weight and place one of his legs over both of hers, rendering them powerless. "I do not expect you to be able to hold still... and that is ok, just concentration on keeping your hand on my legs love." He sounded somewhat sad to Bella, and it bothered her greatly. She would prove him wrong on this, and take it so well that he would be proud.

"Ok love I am spanking you because your actions this entire weekend have been doing nothing but screaming out for something like this. You need it and so you shall have it. Do you agree?"

"Yes, sir" she whimpered.

The first smack took her breath away. It caused her to immediately let go of his leg. She caught herself quickly though and forced her hands back down. It was much harder then she could have ever imagined, even though Edward was actually going easy on her. He followed no rhythm of pace, sometimes slapping the same spot four of five times in a row before moving on to a new area.

Within one minute Bella was beginning to panic, she did not think she could take much more of his rapid pace, and no matter how hard she tried to kick and squirm her way out, Edward's leg pinned her down effortlessly.

After two minutes, Edward was quickly losing his resolve. Bella's fair skin reddened so quickly under and around her panties that he was fearful of hurting her. But, she still had not broken yet, she had yelled like hell, but not broken.

_Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry _Bella kept sang over and over in her head.

_Just let it go baby, please just let yourself go, _Edward pleaded in his own mind. She was so stubborn; he was going to have to lead her to it even harder.

"Isabella Marie- do not fight me. Do not be afraid to let yourself cry... because it is about to get very intense." _SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK. "_You are to never put yourself in danger again!" _SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK. "_You are to never bottle yourself up." _SMACK, SMACK, SMACK. "_You are special. You are loved, and you will TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF."

"owwwwh please Edward... I.. I can't do this." Bella cried out, as she flung her hands around, trying hard not to cover herself up.

Edward stopped his assault to give her some reassurance. "We are almost done, you are doing so well. But, if you don't think you can keep your hands down, and then let me help you- reach them back to me."

Hesitantly Bella reached both her arms behind her. She was surprised to find how easily Edward could grab them both within his one hand. He encompassed them gently, but with enough force to pin them snug against the small of her back. She was now utterly trapped.

"If you really must have me stop before I am through I want you to yell out... red light. Don't do it unless it is critical... now, let's gets this over with love."

_SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK. _Edward concentrated on her sit spots and lower legs. From the first smack this time Bella could no longer fight it. With her arms pinned there was nothing to distract her from the pain, and within a few seconds she found herself sobbing uncontrollably.

_Good girl just a little longer now. _Edward thought, slowing down his pace significantly. He began to land firm and evenly spread out blows to the center of Bella's behind, trying desperately to harden his heart to the sound of her wailing, to ensure that she allowed herself a full release.

And, Bella did let go. She cried, and she cried, lying limply over Edward's lap. She cried for her lost dreams, for herself, for her parents, and she cried over the hellish ordeal she went through at the hands of a man name James. An ordeal she had been too ashamed to tell anyone about. She cried so hard that she did not even notice when Edward had stopped spanking, or how He had begun to rub her back and shoulders, whispering words of encouragement and comfort.

It hadn't been a very harsh spanking, her behavior had truly merited much worse, but for a first timer it was harsh enough. There would be burning for at least a few hours. It was bittersweet for Edward, who was finding himself lost in turmoil of contradicting questions. _Have I made a huge mistake? I wish I could see her bottom uncovered, could feel heat rising off of it... kiss it. Am I a cruel person? _His mind hummed with the mixed up emotions. He hates having to give this sweet girl such a harsh punishment. He wanted to love her, to worship her, and yes perhaps to spank her for fun. But, he also wanted to take care of her, even if spanking her to tears is what was required to do that.

Bella's wailing had tapered off now into soft sobs. Edward gently carried her to bed, placing her down on her stomach.

"Now you need to rest love. I am not going far... I'll be here if those dreams come for you. And, love, I do not want you rubbing that bottom of yours, only I can rub the pain away when you have been punished. Do you understand?"

Bella nodded. "Please stay with me until I am asleep," She asked shy.

"It would be my pleasure love," Edward smiled, laying down next to Bella who quickly fitted herself snugly alongside the length of him.

"Thank you Edward

Within a moment she was fast asleep, a content smile spreading across her face. Edward stayed next to her enjoying her warmth right up until he heard the arrival of Alice and Jasper. He desperately wanted some counsel from his buddy. But before he spoke to anyone, Edward quickly rummaged around his suite case looking for his new sketch book. He had only drawn a few random pictures, which he quickly tore out before jotting down a note to Bella on the first page.

_Bella love, I want you to take this journal and write down all your thoughts and feelings. One day I hope __you will share them with me, but even if you never wish to__,__ please make sure to write in here. It is important to share yourself somehow... so for now__,__ let this be your escape. Please take care of yourself because you are important to me. See you at dinner_

_love_

_Edward._


	7. Chapter 6 a 48 hour relationship

**A huge thank you to my second pair of eyes, tekmlb06 for pre-reading this chapter.**

A 48 Hour Relationship

-November-25-5pm-

_Edward,_

_Writing your name sends chills up my spine, but since you have asked me to do this, and you have given me your own journal to do so, it only seemed fitting. But, I have to admit I don't really know what to say, and I cannot imagine ever having the courage of allowing you into my head. If I did that, it would surely send you running for the hills! I would be lying if I said I am not utterly terrified of having to face you again. yet I am even more afraid of when you will leave in two days. What happened today- well I am embarrassed, yes, but I am also thankful. I have not slept so well in many years! I do not understand it one bit, but I have awoken feeling calmer, and I don't know cleansed? I am sorry that I am not a nice normal girl, but it is clear to me that I am not. My bottom is burning, my throat is sore from crying, yet I cannot remember a time I have ever felt more loved or happier. Edward, I think I have fallen in love with you, in a way that I have never felt with Jake. I can now honestly say I understand why he did what he did. All our kisses combined did not ever feel like the one brief kiss you gave me._

_ Jake is not a bad man, he is amazing. What happened to me is my own fault. All he did was leave me, everyone has that right. And really, Why shouldn't he have? I am nothing worth holding on to. It was my choice to run out of our home in the middle of the night. It was my stubborn self who refused to go back home ever again. What did I think would happen if I lived on the streets? It was a good neighborhood too. His name was James... He, well I guess you can imagine what he did to me. I will never forget the smell of his breath, or the feel of his grimy hands. He had me for days. You see Edward I am not clean anymore. He has left his scar, both mental and physical. This is all the detail I can give you. I do not want to think about it anymore and I do not want to you to remember me only as some victim. I use to be afraid that I would run into him again, even though I always avoid his neighborhood. I am not afraid anymore though. I haven't cared about what happens to me for a long time now. I should probably just go home and meet my fate of becoming just like my parents. I do feel so much guilt about being so far away from them. They need a lot of help. But the idea of being there is just too exhausting, and I don't really have the money to make that move anyway._

_As you can see Edward, I am a mess. You deserve someone much better than me. Ever since Alice told me all about her big protective brother I have dreamed of you. You far exceeded all expectations, but I refuse to muck up your life. I am sorry I have forced you to do such intimate things to me, a person who is not your responsibility whatsoever. No one has ever done that to me before though, so I will cherish the memory forever. Do not feel any obligation towards me, I do not expect anything to come out of this and I promise never to burden you with my problems again._

_Thank you my friend,_

_Bella_

The letter had poured out of Bella easily. It was the decision of whether or not to give it to Edward that took a long time. For hours she paced around the confines of her tiny room debating the issue. If she had any choice at all Bella would of love to just pretend like nothing had happened. But, from what she has seen of that man, doing that would be an impossibility. So, after much thought, she decided to go ahead and give it to him. She needed to get it over with, to let him know her feelings, but also to let him know that she did not expect or want anything to come of them

Bella could hear Alice's soft laughter and the low murmured of the television set filtering in from the living room. It sounded like they were all curled up watching a movie, probably suffering through Alice's favorite the Devil Wears Prada. Bella decided it was the perfect time to just get it over with. Come on just rip the band aid off stupid girl, she coached herself, as she set about picking out some type of decent clothing to wear.

Thanks to Alice, that was not such a hard task. At some point the sneaky little pixy had snuck into her room, and stocked up her closet full of the spoils of her day long shopping extravaganza. The fact that Alice probably saw her bright red bottom did not escape Bella's mind. But, she didn't really care if Alice knew, she was her best friend in the world and Bella had not ever really treated her properly. She probably deserved to know her whole story as well, but that would have to wait for another day.

Bella chose a pair of purple tights and a cozy long white turtle neck sweater, which appeared to be cashmere. Alice had at least restrained herself, sticking to the more comfort friendly clothing Bella enjoyed, rather than the restricting high fashion pieces she always choose.

As Bella tip toed her way into the living room, her heart rate picked up and her stomach started its normal flip flopping. She would have to be diligent in order to avoid another panic attack. She simply had to do this, no matter how afraid she was.

The sight that met her in the living room brought a smile to her tense face. Alice sat on the sofa curled up on a sleeping Jasper's lap. She looked so carefree and content in his arms, mouthing the words right along to her favorite movie. It was so innocent and intimate that Bella did not wish to disturb it. Plus, there was no Edward.

"He is in my bedroom Bella." Alice knowingly stated, keeping her eyes trained on the screen.

"Thanks Alice... and um, thank you for all the clothes. I'm sorr-"

"You're welcome and I don't want to hear it. Now please go put my brother out of his misery."

"Actually Alice- um, could you, um could you just go give this to him for me." Bella stammered holding up the black mole skin journal.

Alice sighed and paused her movie, stealthily sliding out of Jasper's grasp. "Sure Bella, but I'm sure he would rather see you."

"That is doubtful."

"Tisk tisk," Alice mock scolded, "People in this house just need to go ahead and admit it to themselves- Alice Cullen knows all and sees all... but alas I shall be your messenger." Taking the book, Alice skipped down the hallway, leaving Bella standing alone with her nerves.

But she was not the only one in that house battling anxiety. Edward was just as much a mess, if not more so. He was lying wide awake in his little sister's obnoxiously large and soft bed, replaying over and over again his conversation with Jasper.

"I really cocked up this time man. I spanked her, I actually spanked a grown woman who I barley know. I'm probably going to jail."

"Hey now, just calm down a second and tell me everything that happened, Edward. I know you, and you wouldn't do anything that was not necessary or needed."

"No, even if she asked for it, and I do mean really actually asked me to do it, I should of known better. She was not in her right mind. What if, what if..."

"What if nothing. Christ Edward, my mama always said you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.. and boy was she right. How many times do I gotta spell this out for you. Isabella is screaming for your attention... she, she is perfect for you."

"No man, she needs someone who can take care of her, who can worship her, who won't beat her," Edward hissed in disgust.

"Dude, you need to stop shooting yourself in the foot. You are a good man, you are just... you have not ever beaten anyone and you damn well know it. Now, I am only going to say this one more time before I make my way to hang out with your sweet little sister, there is nothing wrong with you. You are just a traditional man living in a modern world, a world that could use a little more tradition. And, Bella.. well she seems to have the same mindset as yourself. Just... look, take a yonder over to these websites and see for yourself," Jasper chuckled, before jotting down a number of places for Edward to go to.

"Now Eddie, if you don't mind, one of us wishes to spend some time with your sister," He winked.

"Thanks man, but hey Jasper, We are going to have to talk about this, this thing with you and my sister. I am preoccupied now, but not blind."

"I know buddy, but for now, just know I have no intention of hurting that woman in any way."

"If I doubted that you would be on the floor already."

Since then, Edward had been lost in a sea of information online. And, he had to admit, Jasper was right. There was a whole world out there or like-minded people, and people who seemed even much more extreme then himself. Domestic displacement, BDSM, the Spencer plan... it was all a little overwhelming. So when Alice swept into the room and curled up next to him, peaking at his swamped computer screen Edward was slow to notice.

"Well, well big brother, it took you long enough. You may want to call Emmett up," she snickered.

"Christ Ally can't you knock."

"It's my room doofis, and don't worry you're not looking at anything I haven't already seen before. It is you who is the slow one," She said sticking her tongue out at him.

"WHAT!" Edward truly did not think he could take anymore new information.

"Ok, ok, I'll say no more. Don't you worry your pretty little bronze head about it, just call your brother for once, and here, Bella asked me to give this to you."

Edward's heart skipped a beat at the sound of Bella's name. He glared down at the matte finished journal in Alice's hand, almost afraid to touch it. "She's awake? How, how does she look? Are you sure she wanted me to read this?"

Alice shook her head at her poor sap of a brother. "yes. Nervous. Yes. Now goodbye dear brother."

Edward waited a full 15 minutes before he got the courage to read the letter Bella had penned for him. And, once he had read it, he wished he had waited longer. He was not prepared for the gauntlet of emotions that attacked him, rage, being the most prominent of them all. Someone, no two someone's had hurt his Bella in horrific ways, James and Jake. No matter what Bella tried to do to defend that man, in Edward's eyes he was just as much at fault.

He let her live on the streets! I will rip him apart, Edward seethed, as he read and re-read her tragic words. The women had no sense of just how badly he yearned for her, of just how special she was. And, why would she? He wondered, it seems as if she has never been treated right once in her life. Edward was boiling and filled with more questions than answers. He had to read the one reassuring line of her letter hundreds of times, she is falling in love with me, falling in love with me, while he tried to figure out what to do next.

There were so many things going against them, especially time. All Edward wanted to do was run and find his Bella and hold her close to him. But, he needed to get his anger under control first, and in order to do that he would have to do something Bella would probably disapprove of greatly. He was going to call Jake.

Fuck it, that bastard should be tormented with it, he needs to know what he has done. Edward scrolled down his cell phone list until he came to the entry labeled "dog." It rang two times before cutting over to voice mail. Jake was most likely screening the call.

"This is Jake you know what to do" beep.

"You wanted to know how she is, well she is not well and it is your entire fucking fault dog. You left her to fend for herself on the streets of a fucking city she doesn't know. YOU LEFT HER HOMELESS AND ALONE FOR, FOR, FOR I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW LONG. I bet even your worst imagination of what she went through won't even come close to the truth you scum. If, no when, I see you again you can be sure I am going to put you in your place… ON THE GROUND AT HER FUCKING FEET."

When Edward was done ranting his phone was covered in spit and his hands were trembling to grasp onto it. He had yelled much louder then was necessary for a phone call, and the eerie silence that met him when he was finished meant that the entire house had heard. That Bella had heard.

Edward ran out to the living room as fast as his feet would carry him, this was not the way he wanted Bella to hear his reaction to her letter. He was met by one very pissed off tired looking Jasper and a sad looking Alice.

"You better fix this; above all else Edward a man like you must always be in control of his own damn self before he can earn the right to control anyone else," Jasper drawled out in anger. He seemed to actually be sheltering Alice away from Edward, which was both endearing and infuriating to him.

"How, How do I fix it?"

"Jesus Edward," Alice sighed, "I don't know, I am not even sure what the hell is going on anymore. But, you can start by stopping her from going on another damn run, it is the last thing she needs right now. And, who knows if she will even come back this time."

Edward turned towards Bella's room only to see her striding down the hall dressed in full workout clothes. Her head phones were on, her face taut with determination. She was in full flight mode yet again. But, there was no way in hell Edward was letting her through the front door. At some point Jasper and Alice had slipped away, leaving the two of them to battle out an epic staring match.

Bella broke the silence first, and stunned Edward with an apology. "I am sorry for making you angry."

"Never have you ever made me angry. Why would you think such a thing?"

Bella shrugged slightly, "Well, you were yelling, and... and... " She slumped against the wall and closed her eyes. "Please I really need to run."

"Not going to happen, love."

"Who exactly do you think you are?"

"Bella, I was angry but not at you, never at you. I am angry at what happened to you. And I, I want to thank you for being so honest with me, I don't deserve your trust."

Bella's nostrils flared at this. "Edward you and Alice are the only people I trust in the entire world. But I'm done with this. I am done hurting the people I-"

"The people you love." Edward finished for her, watching as she flamed up beet red.

"Don't be embarrassed- I am honored to have your love, because well, I love you too."

Bella gasped "impossible."

"Yet, so very true," Edward whispered, grabbing her by the back of her neck and pulling her in for a fierce kiss. A kiss that left her lips swollen and sore, "And I am not letting you walk away... I know you are scared... but I am not going to hurt you," Edward panted into her ear.

"It is not me who I am afraid of getting hurt. Edward I'm... I'm broken."

"So am I. And, I did not even know it until I met you."

"You live so far away, you don't even know me, this doesn't make any sense."

"And, yet it is still true."

"Yes, yes it is," Bella sighed, resting her forehead against his.

"I love you Isabella Swan."

"Marie, Isabella Marie Swan."

Edward smiled, "I love you Isabella Marie Swan."

"I love you Edward Anthony-Mason Cullen."

Edward raised one eye brow at this, wondering how Bella had come to know his full name. "Boy Alice sure has told you quite a bit about me, hasn't she?" He chuckled nervously.

"Yes, I will be sure to never go into the woods alone with you," Bella snickered; now causing Edward to blush for the first time in his life.

"Oh, so you know that, I am, I am not a violent man."

"Don't be stupid Edward, I think you are perfect."

"So, what now?" Edward asked.

"I have no idea."

"Well I do," Chirped Alice from behind her closed bedroom door. "How's about we forget about all this heavy stuff for once. Let's play some charades! Let's enjoy the time we have and leave the worrying for later!"

"Way to ease drop there Alice," Edward dryly stated.

"Well, she is right," Bella and Edward heard Jasper laugh through the door. "If there ever were two people who could benefit from letting a sleep dog it was ya'll."

"Um, I am not sure what your buddy just said, but I think I agree with Alice," Bella laughed. " instead of charades let's play Pictionary I want to see your drawing skills!"

And, that is what they did for the rest of the weekend. The four of them held up inside the loft, playing game after game, watching movies, cooking, drinking, laughing and even dancing. Bella taught Edward how to bake, and Edward began to show Bella how to draw. Late at night he would read to her from some of her favorite authors until she drifted off to sleep peacefully. No one dared to talk about any of the many elephants in the room, and Edward even shut his phone off. Bella had never been so happy or carefree in all her life, momentarily forgetting all her worries. She even forgot to ask Edward who he had been yelling at.

There were hugs and innocent kisses shared between Edward and Bella over that weekend. But, Edward made sure to keep things light and easy for her, not wanting to overwhelm or bust their blissful bubble. Alice and Jasper, on the other hand dived head first in love, doing any and everything they thought they could get away with in front of Edward.

Sunday morning snuck up on everyone much too quickly, and with it all the harshness of real life awaited. After breakfast, the boys would have to say goodbye and Bella would be left alone once again. She awoke that morning just before sunrise. Edward was still fast asleep next to her, a copy of Wuthering Heights sprawled open across his chest. His breathing was shallow, and his face so very peaceful, it brought sharp pains to Bella's heart.

She fell for him quickly and completely. It terrified her, and now he was leaving, and they had not one plan made. Bella suddenly felt so compelled to write to him. She needed to write down everything, to send him away with a piece of herself, so that even if they never saw each other again he would at least have known her.

It did not take long to find the journal she wrote to him just two days prior and once she began to scribble away. She wrote for hours while the rest of the house slept in silence. She wrote even after Edward awoke and began to rub her shoulders, barley acknowledging his presences. She even allowed Alice to cook up breakfast so she could continue to write all through the morning. Bella wrote until all but one of the pages of Edward's journal was filled with her messy ramblings, and then she packed the journal into Edward's carry-on bag before she could change her mind.

Edward was also busy the morning of his departure. When he awoke to find his Bella's brow furrowed in deep concern, hunched over the small desk writing, he knew he was the cause of her new pain. He watched as she cowered over the pages protectively, writing in fast erotic bursts that followed periods of deep contemplation. He was afraid to know what she was writing, afraid to read the words 'goodbye' from her once again.

He also wanted to leave something behind for the beautiful girl whom he desired nothing more than to take care of. And, so with reluctance he left Bella to her writing and sat down at his computer to type an e-mail message to her, one that she would hopefully read well after he was gone.

TO: WuthernSwan

FROM: .com

SUBJECT: GOING FORWARD

Dear Isabella,

Thank you for an unforgettable weekend. Meeting you was more than I could of ever hoped for. I know our time together was short and weathered by some tough issues, but it was still the best time I have ever had. I think there is no denying that I feel an incomprehensible connection to you sweet girl. I do not want to let the miles that separate us scare us away from exploring what I believe we both so strongly feel. I have never once felt this way about anyone, not even past girlfriends.

Yet, I do understand that this is overwhelming. So, know that I do not expect much. But, what I do expect from you really must be followed, even if you do not feel the same way as I do. I beseech you to follow these expectations I have for you because I only have your best interest at heart. I know that moment we shared Friday morning has not really been discussed, or really anything between us for that matter. Yet, still I would like to make it clear to you what I would expect you to do for your own well-being.

Rules for Isabella

Always eat three meals a day

exercise at least 4 times a week but no more than 6 times

never ever run in a bad neighborhood

Never run without the proper gear for protection and identification.

Sleep- or at least try to sleep 7 hours a night.

Keep writing out all your thoughts.

Never talk bad about Isabella

Start thinking about your goals and working towards them- whatever they are, you can do them.

Do not let people walk over you.

Call or e-mail me everyday

That last one is optional, of course, though I would be very sad if you do not stay in touch with me. And again, even though I am not going to 'punish' you for breaking these rules, since we have not discussed something like that, (and since I myself do not know how I feel about that quite yet) I still just needed you to know what I wish for you.

Isabella, you are beautiful, special, intelligent and funny. I want you in my life, in some way shape or form, from now on. Please don't shut me out. And, if you can, keep an eye on my crazy sister, between the two of you I may be bald before I am 30.

Love Edward.

By the time Edward sadly walked into SFO airport, he was well beyond emotionally drained. As was sulking Jasper, who had not gotten the kiss goodbye from Alice that he had been hoping for. They both had so much to think about, that the two men hardly spoke on the long journey home. What was supposed to have been a fun holiday weekend had ended up totally and completely changing them both. Edward knew that Jasper was falling in love with his little sister, and as much as he hated to think of his sister with anyone, he could not come up with a reason to not trust his best friend with her.

In fact, he was a little relieved to think he had another person looking out for Alice. Yet, he was still concerned and burning with questions over what he had learned from Jasper, and what his sister had hinted at. He had a feeling that he was out of the loop majorly, and couldn't wait to give his brother a call. But, first he had to face the music, and start to read the novel Isabella had slipped into his bag.

She had been so nervous, he was afraid she would get sick right in front of the gate.

"Um, well I don't know why- it is really stupid actually, but uh, I wrote some stuff down... Maybe you can read it when you are board at work those, um, late nights," she stammered as beads of sweat dripped down her forehead.

"Thank you little Swan," Edward had soothed. "And, please check your e-mail when you get back."

Edward had to basically peel Bella out of his arms when it was time for them to board, placing her in the hands of Alice. Her vacant dead eyes were a sight he knew would be haunting him for nights to come. But, they also filled him with a new found resolve; he was going to find a way to make it work with that woman. He simply had to.


	8. Chapter 7: Left My Heart In San Fran

**A/N: Thanks again to my lovely pre-reader, Tekmlb06! Please note that this chapter contains content that is quite different from how the chapter was originally posted, so if you are return reader, you may wish to re-read this one. **

Left my heart in San Francisco

_**Domestic Discipline Contract**_

_ I understand that every relationship is a game of give and take, but that in the end, there must always be one true leader. Emmett Cullen is that leader for me. I am not only willing__,__but wanting to be part of the team that makes up US. As part of this team, I know that at any time if I choose to break a rule, Emmett can and will perform his duty to punish me. He does this out of pure love, and I am happy to submit to what he feels is best. All rules will be per-determined and agreed upon by both partners, and therefore there will be no room for argument in the cases of any necessary punishment._

_ Signed Rose_

Edward could hardly breathe. He read, and re-read the faded contract Emmett had faxed over to him. Not in a million years had he ever thought his little brother was capable of something like this, especially with a woman like Rose. He had to truly hear it from Emmett's mouth to really believe it, and so he gave his little brother another call.

"Wow Edward, three calls in one day," Emmett joked without even saying hello, "you are really losing your edge there huh?"

"How the hell did you get Rose to agree to this? Did you drug her," Edward chuckled. He ignored Emmett's comment on the current state of his sanity, truth be told he was not only losing his edge, but his mind too. Since leaving Bella, Edward had been able to accomplish exactly nothing. Well, nothing accept thinking about Bella and how quickly his world had changed.

"Well, Rosie is trouble, I'll be the first to admit that. But, no one knows her like I do... besides you haven't seen the contract I signed."

At this, Edward almost choked on the coffee he had been sipping.

"Yeah well, Rose would never agree to something she thought to be unfair now would she," Emmett chuckled. "And, let me tell you, that girl has a strong arm."

"Holy shit..."

"Yeah, yeah. Well, I didn't send that over because I know that is not for you Eddie. In this lifestyle you really must find what works best for your own self. "

Edward could not believe he was getting such sound advice from his goofy little brother. "Thanks man, but I don't know about this lifestyle. As you say, I am not even truly with Bella anyway... in fact I cannot get her, or our stupid sister, to even answer the phone. I am about to go right back down there."

"Well, listen I don't know your girl, but I do know Al, and she says to just give her some time to work on Bella."

"Work on Bella," Edward huffed. "Dude you should see the shit she sent me home with. It is a book that practically reads like a damn eulogy. Warning me… begging me to stay away. I am this close to packing mom up and going down there..."

"Edward, I know..."

"No, you don't know... she has been through so much, and I don't think I even know the half..."  
"Edward, I don't know for sure, but I can guess. From the way she is acting, she reminds me of Rose after...well you know."

Edward did know, and he felt ashamed to have allowed himself to forget. He had known Rose all his life. She had always been what they all called little miss bossy pants. Always, except for right after she traveled down to LA for the first time.

She had an audition for one of the most popular day time soaps on TV, an opportunity not often given to small town girls fresh out of high school. The weekend of the audition just happened to be the same as Edward and Emmett's annual rafting trip, so she went alone. She was confident Rose, and she was determined to show everyone she needed help from no one. But, it was apparent from the moment she arrived back home that something had happened to her out in LA. For weeks everyone just thought she must have bombed on her audition and was just sulking away her woes. But, when she got a call back audition, it became clear something else, something much worse, had put out her fiery personality.

Rose had been raped. Raped and left alone in a strange city at the tender age of 18. The knowledge quite nearly destroyed his little brother, and almost ended Rose's career before it even started. She was going to turn down the call back, but Emmett stepped up, and together they somehow weathered the storm. Edward really never did give his goof ball brother the respect and credit he deserved.

"Yeah... I know, and I am almost positive you are right. Em, I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Just trust you little brother for once. And, trust Al. Give her a week. If she needs you, she will call you."

"Fuck. Ok... but Em how the hell did she know about you and Rose?"

"hahaha well, she is very perceptive, that one. And, you should know, she had me fax two people that contract. You and... Your partner."

Edward's throat constricted in shock and rage, "Tell me you did no such fucking thing!"

"Sorry bro. I'll say it again... you need to trust her, and I would hope you trust your own damn partner," Emmett laughed. "Now, seriously, get your ass out of bed and go do something. Don't call me again tonight, I've got Rose tied up in the basement and she must be getting quite impatient with me."

"WHAT," Edward gasped.

"Calms down it's all in good fun... boy you have so much to learn. Are you sure I am not older?"

"Dude, I should tell mom." Edward joked.

"No dude, you wouldn't be able to handle that reaction... or lack of reaction," Emmett laughed before quickly hanging up the phone, leaving Edward's brain in overload.

Over the past four days Edward had managed to fall in love, find out the woman of his dreams is damaged, learn disturbing truths about himself, his family and his best friend. What he needed now was a damn drink.

Of course, there really was no place to go in Forks this early in the day for that. _There has to be a bottle of something around here,_ Edward bickered to himself as he rummaged around his dusty desk draws.

"Knock, Knock," Jasper hollered behind his bedroom door, opening it before Edward could even respond. "Your mother let me see myself on up, I thought you may be in need of something a bit stronger then soda this afternoon."

Edward beamed up at Jasper, who was holding a bottle of Irish whiskey. "You have impeccable timing my friend."

"Yeah well, I was really just looking for a partner in crime. I gotta say dude, your sister may just drive me out of my mind." Jasper shook his head and poured two ample cups glasses of the amber liquid.

"Yeah... well I am not sure I can talk to you about that right now," Edward shuddered. But, I feel your pain. I actually have not been able to get my darling sister on the phone..." he sneered out in anger, adding in a whispered, "or Bella."

Jasper gulped down his glass, reveling in the burn of the fiery liquid. "I know man, Alice says Bella is fine."

_"Fine, fine, fine. _I fucking hate that word," Edward coughed, taking small sips of his drink. He was not a whiskey man. In fact, he much preferred beer over anything else. He hardly ever drank the hard stuff.

"Shit I know, but that is really all the information I got for ya right now. Just give it-"

"Time, I know. I have heard it already. Alice gets one week, and if I haven't heard from them by that time-"

"Then you and I will both make another trip down to good old San Fran," Jasper finished for him. "Now, just try to keep yourself busy for now, who knows, maybe we will get some calls in tonight."

Edward laughed at his friend's futile excitement over seeing any paramedic action in the town of Forks. "It's not likely buddy, but we should probably stop the drinking just in case."

"Hell you really are a light weight aren't you? We don't have work for another 8 hours," Jasper teased. "I'll just leave this bottle with you... in case you need it. See you tonight," Jasper sighed before heading out towards the front door.

Edward spent the rest of the day hauled up in his room, reading and re-reading Isabelle's jumbled erratic writings. He both loved and hated them. It was as if Bella had needed to pass on as much random information about herself as possible. Edward loved the information. But, in the pit of his stomach he knew the reason behind the rushed stories. Bella had felt the need to give some of herself to him, before she went about doing what she does best, cutting and running. Edward knew that if didn't fight for her, these scribbled pages full of memories would be the only snippets of his Bella that he would ever get. The thought terrified him, making him want to destroy the pages. Instead, he read on though….

_I have always had a very overactive imagination. I'm a dreamer. A day dreamer, a night dreamer, I'm constantly living in the clouds. It worked out well for me as a child. It gave me a place to run away to. I had plenty of reasons to want to run away. I don't know how to take a bath without pretending to be a mermaid. I once spent an entire day pretending to be a Russian spy, completely with a dingy 'studio' apartment, AKA I hijacked the only bathroom in the house and moved into it for the day. I won't tell you how __NOT __young I was when I did this. I like dreams, dreams are my friends. Or, they use to be anyway. But, I'm not here to share my sad stories; we all have our own tiny tragedies, and I am not asking you to shoulder any of mine. I really just wanted to thank you Edward Cullen. You gave me a gift, I didn't think I could ever be able to feel again. To feel love, to feel pain, to feel anything at all, and now I can. So, I am going to give you something in return. I am going to say goodbye to you now love. It is what is best for you, and you just have to trust me on that. All I ask is that you think back on me fondly. I want you to know Bella as more than just a broken girl. So please remember this…. _

_I love chocolate, but not chocolate ice cream. Ice cream needs to be vanilla based. _

_I covet my book collection. _

_Barnes and Nobel is my safe place, I love everything about it. There is something about the smell of books and coffee combined which calms my soul. _

_My favorite writer is Dr. Seuss. Yes you read that right. _

_I know the lyrics to nearly every song on earth, and if I don't then I will make it up and you will never notice. _

_I like to cook. _

_My feet are insanely ticklish_

_Even though I'm shy and quite, I am competitive and I hate to lose. Cranium is my bitch. _

_I love coffee even though it makes me sick._

_I am loyal and honest and protective of the people I love. You are one of those people. I am leaving you because it is the best way to protect you, but you will always live inside my heart. _

Throughout the course of the next few days, Edward read that one particular passage over, and over again. He sent one more e-mail to Bella, before resigning himself to the one week waiting game. The email simply said "I do not accept, love, you're not leaving me." The days passed by agonizingly slow for both Edward and Jasper.

"Not even a gash darn splinter, do you think we can just start sleeping with our beepers on, and not even come in," Jasper complained, as the two of them sat through another long boring night. He waited for Edward's customary retort chastising him on his need to feed off of other folk's misery, but it never came. Looking over at his friend, Jasper saw that Edward would never last the full week without hearing from Alice or Bella. To be honest, Jasper was a bit surprised by how long this was taking too, Alice had not even once mentioned Bella to him over the past three days.

"Alright... that's enough of this," Jasper sighed, taking his cell phone out.

"She must be sleeping anyway," Edward replied in the melodramatic monatomic tone had adapted over the past two days.

"Ha!" Jasper responded with a knowing chuckle, pressing the speak phone button, and handing it on over to Edward.

It rang twice before Edward heard the musical voice of his chirping sister on the other end. There was no reason or sense behind where this girl got her energy from at 1 o'clock in the morning.

"Well, good evening there Mr. Whitlock. I know I am being quite a naughty girl staying up so late on a school night, but I was just busy shopping online... and, before you say anything, I am shopping for a treadmill, not clothes. But, if you think I should be punished..."

"Alice," Edward cringed at his sister's sexually laced speech.

"Oh! Shit... Edward."

"Yeah," He replied dryly, "I know." Edward tried to block out what he heard for fear that his brain might actually melt. But, then her words came back to him full force, "t_readmill." _There was no way on God's Green Earth his little sister would be in need of a treadmill. The only athletic activity Alice would ever be caught dead doing was dance, and possible yoga. This was a good thing though, seeing as she was so small and dainty, she did not have any fat to spare.

"A treadmill Al," Edward questioned.

"Yeah well, ya know I've gained a little college weight."

"Alice."

"Ok, yes Edward. I want to buy Bella a treadmill." Her reply was short and testy. "I don't really see why this is any of your-

"Watch yourself little lady," Jasper warned. He was glad she could not see the goofy smile her frustrated voice gave him.

"Oh, hi Jazzy there you are. Look, I just thought it would be wise for her have one. She has been taking to her little running habit a bit more than usual these days."

Edward's chest constricted at the words of Alice. He could hear the worry and fear laced deep within her casual tone. "Where is she now Alice."

"Um, well... she is actually sleeping?" She lied poorly. Alice had always been a fairly good liar, so it was clear she really did wish to tell on her friend but was simply conflicted.

"Al, just spill it. What the hell is going on? I know I am a crazy ass who only just met this girl, but I feel something... something real for her. And, even if I didn't, I would still not want to let one of your friends-"

"Ok calm down, she is fine she is just out for a run that's all."

"FOR FUCKS SAKE IT IS 1 IN THE MORNING," Edward screamed, bashing his hand down on the cold metal table. Alice's sniffles could be heard clearly through the line now.

"I know, I know... I thought I could fix her. I thought introducing you to her would make everything better for you both... but I... I think I made it worse. Her nightmares now are double... and sometimes she... she screams for your Edward. I... I don't think she will come to Christmas. Eddie I am afraid I will wake up one day and she will just be gone..."

Edward did not have the capacity to feel bad for his crying sister. All his emotions were tuned into worry for the sweet woman that was off trotting along the streets of San Francisco. He could feel his restraint slipping fast, and he knew if he didn't step out for a time, he would end up saying something horrible to Alice.

"You. Call. Me. The. Second. She. Gets. Home," He gritted out, before tearing open the stations door and storming off to sit in the old ambulance. On the way out, he could hear the soft but stern scolding Jasper was giving his sister for lying to him. Oddly, this time it did not turn his stomach. As he sat there upon the worn leather seats, Edward tried to imagine just what his Bella was doing right now. He saw her lost inside her own head, running desperately along deserted and dirty side streets. He saw her trembling from the cold, with tears and sweat all mixing together.

He was not too far off with his imaginations. It was raining in San Francisco. Well, not quite raining. There was a fine mist hanging heavy in the air, a byproduct of the cities quintessential fog. Bella was running at her steady slow pace, oblivious to all the dangers that surrounded her. The dangers and demons inside her own head were much scarier to her. Now, she not only had to face the horrors of James, the loss of Jacob, and the stress of her parents. Now, she also had the knowledge of happiness. The fleeting traces of hope that Edward implanted into her. Try as she might, Bella could not force herself to forget him, and so she ran until every inch of her body burned in distracting pain. She ran all around the city until the dark sky faded into a light purple, until it was time to go home and get ready for work. When she ran home she was so exhausted she did not even notice as she passed a very familiar rabbit outside of her apartment building.


	9. Chapter 8: Bleary eyed and

**A/N: Thanks to me lovely wonderful Pre-reader! Tekmlb06! 3**

Bleary Eyed and Belligerent

Edward checked his phone over 100 times, within the first hour he sat awaiting word on Isabella's safe return. Every time the glow on his cell phone would go out he would click it again, relighting the dark ambulance with the warm comforting glow. Mentally he was trying to will her home, to will Alice to text him, to will anything at all to happen. It was not his will that was heard that night. It was Jasper's.

15 minutes before their shift ended, as the sky was beginning to soften into a comforting pink, the Forks dispatch called. And, for once in his life even Edward welcomed the tragic distraction.

"What do we got," Edward asked, starting up the truck.

"16 year old female, possible alcohol poisoning and head trauma, she is at the camp ground," Jasper reiterated, his voice raw with excitement.

Edward nodded and sped off towards the reservation. He was always the driver. He loved to drive fast, and he knew Fork's country back roads by heart. It would take a normal person 20 minutes; Edward got them there in 10. That was not fast enough for the poor young girl sprawled out in the dirt though.

She was covered in her own vomit and blood, and more importantly, she was alone. Her friends had clearly fled the scene long before making their call to 911.

All the traces of excitement that Jasper had felt were washed away the moment he laid eyes on the lifeless body. "Those mother-"

"Name Jasper?" Edward interrupted. At moments like this Edward was all business, he knew how to shut off his emotions when the need truly arose. Another lesson he had gotten from the streets of Seattle.

"Umm... uh it was Marie, Marie Myers." Jasper was finding himself out of his element. Facing a dying child was much, much different than facing an injured solider.

"OK. Go get a full body board, brace set, alert the hospital, and call my father. The on call is just going to page him in when we get there anyway."

"Marie, sweet Marie, my name is Edward, and I am going to take good care of you now. If you can hear me, just hold on. I am not going to leave you ever Marie, not until we get you all fixed up."

The child was totally unconscious, but Edward continued on talking to her as he checked all her vitals. Her injuries were much more substantial than just a normal fall from passing out. She must have fallen from somewhere else, somewhere at least a good 10 feet off the ground. Edward couldn't tell if her neck was broken or not, and her pupils were not responsive to his light what so ever. She was alive though, alive and still attempting to vomit despite being knocked out. Her body was fighting to live for all it was worth, even when no one seemed to care about it one way or the other.

Edward did his best to keep her airway clear, without jostling her head to much. She was a pretty girl, a girl that was fast on her way to becoming a beautiful woman. Her long dark brown hair distinctly reminded Edward of Bella, but he refused to allow his mind to wander that way just yet. Marie deserved all his attention.

Jasper arrived back to the site in no time, his composer put nicely back in place. "Your father is already in route to general, and I alerted Port Angeles copter team just in case she needs transport to Seattle."

"Great. Her pulse is faint, and her pupils unresponsive but she is breathing on her own- well at least when she is not regurgitating. I don't even want to know what the blood alcohol level is... possible broken neck, and swelling of the head."

"Got it," Jasper responded as he set about stabilizing Marie, while Edward continued to suction out her mouth. "Let's secure her down, get her into the back of the truck and go from there. I'll just start her on a banana bag until we know more clearly what we are dealing with."

Though it was truly their first life or death case together, Edward and Jasper worked in perfect sync. Jasper preforming all the medical tasks he could on Marie, while Edward drove as smoothly as possible around the curvy bumpy roads. They could not have worked anymore flawless. Yet, Marie began to convulse with seizures three miles outside of Forks General. Her head was simply swelling too much. By the time Edward pulled the ambulance up to the emergency entrance Marie was in full on cardiac arrest.

Edward rushed the gurney in towards his father, as Jasper straddled the poor young girl to begin CPR. _Live child, live_ he thought franticly. The girl was fading right before his eyes, her warm olive skin turning pale, translucent even. Soon he knew it would be blue and cold. Edward grabbed a hold of Marie's foot as he ran, hoping to give her some type of comfort, to remind her that she was not alone anymore.

"OK son, bring me up to speed," Carlisle barked. He was wearing his lab coat, yet he still had on the silly penguin pajama pants Alice had given him one Christmas. It had been a gag gift, but much to Alice's dismay, my father actually loved them.

"As you know... 16 year old female, blunt head trauma, with resulting swelling, and possible skull fracture, broken neck, and internal bleeding. Clear overdose on alcohol, but unknown if any other substances have been ingested." As he stared down at the child, Edward found his steel composure slipping away.

"She, she um, she started..."

"She started to go into arrest about 3 minutes ago sir. I've been hand pumping ever since," Jasper took over.

Carlisle nodded and pinched the bridge of his nose in thought. "Ok, bring her back to trauma 3 the crash cart is already in there... and page Dr. Stevens in Port Angeles we may need the helicopter..."

"Already been done dad," Edward sighed.

"Great son, good job." Carlisle briefly looked upon his son with warmth and pride, a look not often reserved for him. "We will do everything we can, see if the police have contacted her parents."

"Yeah, ok... Dad, please... she is just a baby... and they just... they just left her..."

Carlisle nodded again and took over pushing Jasper and Marie on back, leaving Edward standing alone, amongst all the hustle and bustle of the night nurses going into action. It took Edward more than a few moments to pull it together, and when he stepped back outside to take the ambulance back to the morning shift guys, the sun was blindingly up.

Edward dropped the truck off, ignoring the complaints of the day crew. They were a little peeved that they hadn't been the ones to get such an exciting call, but Edward was grateful it had been him instead of Mike Newton and Eric Yorkie. Those two fools had never worked outside of Forks, meaning their worst call probably amounted to nothing more than a yard work injury.

Despite his utter exhaustion, Edward went straight back towards the ER. He was not going to leave Marie; especially after he found out she did not have any relatives in the area. Apparently, Miss Marie was in town to visit her best friend. Edward hoped it was now her EX best friend. He could not even fathom how any group of teenagers could be so afraid of getting in trouble, that they could leave a young girl to die alone in the dirt.

The thought made him shudder, and think of his Bella again. If he was right, and he really thought he was, people had been leaving Bella all her life. He knew for sure Jake had left her, and now he himself had left her. Guilt rose up his throat, it tasted much like bile. _Was she safe? Was she STILL out on the streets? _Edward fumbled around for his private cell phone. Relief flooded through him when he saw the text from SIS: she is back. It was marked for 4:45 in the morning. Ridiculous, Edward fumed as he pulled into the hospital parking lot.

The site of a red rimmed Jasper squatting on curb told Edward all he needed to know. Marie did not make it. They hadn't been able to get her to Carlisle in time. Edward punched his steering wheel before going off to find his father. He knew Jasper was not yet ready to face anyone.

Carlisle was still in the new empty trauma room, slowly cleaning up all the used supplies. He too wore a vacant stare upon his face. Edward silently started to help him with the mess. "Did she ever wake up?"

Carlisle shook his head. "She didn't feel anything son. This is not your fault."

"She was all alone, those bastards."

"No. She was not alone son. You were with her, and then I was with her. You should go home and get some rest. I will stay and wait for her family. They should make it to town soon." Carlisle could see that his oldest son was close to crumpling. He couldn't blame him; this was one of the hardest parts of the job, but he also wondered if there wasn't anything else going on. It seemed to him that his son had been slightly off since coming home from San Francisco, but Edward did not talk to Carlisle about personal things anymore. Carlisle had destroyed that bond years.

"Son, I know this is not the time... but did something happen in San Francisco?"

"You are right Dad this is not the time. If you are worried about Alice… she is fine." Edward barked before storming out of the room.

Jasper was waiting in the car when Edward returned in a huff. The two of them drove in silence, both longing for the break from reality that their bed could offer. But sleep could not come for Edward. Every time he closed his eyes either Bella or Marie would appear. He needed to hear Bella's voice, needed to make her see how foolish she was being, and how much she means to him now. And, so he broke his promises yet again, and called picked up his phone.

"**Hi this is Bella Swan I am unable to take your call, please leave me a message and I will get back to you as soon as possible. I hope you have a wonderful day.**_"_

_ "Fuck,__" Edward_ swore as he waited for the beep that would allow him to pour his heart out.

**Beep**

"Isabella, my beautiful girl, I hope you are safe and sound and asleep. I, I know you are not wanting me to call you. I know you are afraid... and I am sorry I was trying to give you some time. But," Edward shuttered, "I just...I had...well tonight was a bad night. We tried to save a girl, a young girl Bella. She was just a kid trying to act older then she really was. She drank to much, she fell...and she was alone, alone Bella. Her _friends _just left her." Edward could not hold back his tears now, "We failed. She is gone. And, Bella...I...just need you. And I need you to know that I will never ever leave you. You never have to be alone again. You are cared for Bella. Alice loves you...I...I love you. Please love, you have to call me back. I am not afraid of you, so stop trying to protect me. The only thing I fear, is you being alone just like Marie. Marie Isabella...just like your middle name- please, I can't get the thoughts out of my head. Please call me back."

In San Francisco, Bella never heard the phone ring. She was too busy sucking down red bull, so she could get ready for her work day. Work was getting to be increasingly hard for her these days; as a nanny she always had to put on a happy face, and be ready to shower her two little ones with lots of hugs and kisses. Bella did not feel like hugging and kissing anyone.

By 8:30 am Bella had her painted on facade back in place and was ready to for work. However, there was something awaiting her outside that she was not mentally prepared for. Jacob.

He sat leaned on the hood of his old Rabbit car. Their old rabbit car, actually. Bella had helped to pay for it. She loved that car even despite the bad memories. That car had gotten her all the way across the country, far away from the turmoil of her old home. As soon as Bella recognized the rusted red heap of metal, her heart began to pound. _He has found me, just keep walking and keep your head dow-_

"Bells, I see you. I have been waiting for you," Jake sighed. He looked older then the last time she saw him, just even though it was but a few days ago.

"Why? Why are you here…and how?"

"Well, that little spitfire of a roommate you have goes to my school too... and even though we are not in the same department…well she is quite popular..."

"Ok, so why?"

"Bells...I...I am so sorry."

"Please Bells we have been friends forever. Please I miss you, and just need to know you are ok. How could you not of told me what happened to you-it is all my fault. I am-"

"What the hell are you talking about Jacob," Bella asked even though she already knew, she could see it clearly on his face.

"Bells," he whispered. "Edward called me a few days ago, and...and...just tell me what happened to you."

The waves of emotions that attacked Bella were so varied and profound, that it nearly took her off of her feet. Surprise, fear, sadness, shame, all filtered through her veins. But, above all Bella was just plain old angry. The first person she ever told even part of her story to went and betrayed her trust. In that moment, Edward Cullen was unforgivable in her eyes.

"Jake nothing happened to me, and, and, even if it did, it is not your concern now," Bella stated in an eerily calm tone. "Now, I am not going to be late for work. Go and live your life and stay out of mine."

The coldness in her voice was physically painful for Jake. "Bells, do you hate me?"

"Of course not Jake, how, how could I ever hate you. You are… you were my best friend..."

"Will I ever be that again?"

"I…I don't...know... no," Bella sighed and bit her lip obsessively. "I really have to go."

"OK, but I...I want to talk with you. Bella I need to know..."

"Maybe one day... but I'm not ready," Bella choked out, before pushing past him to run for the next bus.

_How could you Edward, why_! Bella screamed in her head. She had to know, she had to let that man know just how wrong he had been. She was livid and ready to tear Edward Cullen a new asshole. Before she could call him to do so she noticed her phone had a voice mail...

Bella didn't even make it half way through the message before her she had forgotten how angry she was at Edward. She still had to call him, but for a much different reason now.

** This is Cullen leave me a message and I will get back at you. Thanks!**

"Edward, I am so sorry. I hope you are alright. That girl was lucky to have you with her. Please don't worry about me... If you need to talk... I will be here."


	10. Chapter9: It doesn't matter if you don't

**A/N: Thanks to my lovely pre-reader as always! **

It Doesn't matter if you don't understand

Alice's closet looked as if it had developed a case of indigestion and had thrown up all over the place. Alice did not look much better. Sprawled out fast asleep on the floor, covered in frayed pieces of fabrics, Alice was lost inside a very jumbled and hectic dream. Now, not even her sleep was relaxing. Between school, Jasper, and the nagging ulcers that were Edward and Isabella, Alice's sanity was slowly slipping away.

It was well past 1 pm, making the once habitual morning person extremely late for class. The chirping sound of chickens is what finally awoke her, and that could only be one thing… Edward was calling again. Ever since she got her first cell phone, Edward's ring has always been some variation of chickens, because he was just that, a chicken, always afraid and worrying about something.

"Good morning brother what can I do for you?"

"Not morning little one, hasn't been morning for a few hours now."

"Holy fuck," Alice jolted up and began to pack up all her newest sketches for class. "Talk fast Edward I am later then a knocked up whore."

"Excuse me miss potty mouth," Edward chuckled.

"Just why do you sound so damn cheerful," Alice asked, her voice muffled by the sweater she was throwing over her head.

"Well, I wouldn't say cheerful... but more like...hopeful." Edward's velvet voice cooed out, it was once again back to its charming pitch.

"So, you have spoken to Bella then I take it?"

"Well, not yet. But she did leave me a message... she is still working right? I am going to call her soon... I just want to... get something settled first."

"Ok... go on...and make it fast I really must go."

"Oh, well just so you know- you don't need to buy her a treadmill. I am having one delivered there today, let your doorman know, and yes, before you ask, it is top of the line."

Alice giggled, "You do know me well big brother, and thank you so much, maybe now I won't have to stay up all night worrying about your little insane..."

"Alice."

"Hey she was my friend first, so I can call her insane if I want. In fact, I think I will call you both insane…you really are meant for each other I think."

"Good bye Alice... I will call you tonight," Edward huffed in mock annoyance.

But, he was not annoyed. It was impossible to be cross on this cool fall afternoon. His Bella had actually reached out to him. Having her soft voice as the first thing he heard after a long torturous night made all the difference. Even if nothing had been solved yet; they still had more problems than any one relationship should be able to handle, there was now possibility. Edward could work with possibility.

Before even getting out of bed Edward had ordered the best treadmill money could buy, and had it expressed shipped to his sister's house. He knew it was not the answer to the problems, but it was a starting point. After talking to his sister he was more than relived he had done it. It seemed to him that things were taking their toll on Alice as well.

_Perhaps I should alert Jasper on this? _Edward thought to himself, and was then promptly shocked by his own thoughts. He wasn't even sure of the relationship between his best friend and his sister, nor was he sure how he felt about it. Yet, still his heart told him he should give Jasper a chance.

There were two other people he needed to talk to first, Mom and Dad. He found them both in their usual spot, his mother's immaculate kitchen, having one of their silent conversations. Carlisle was reading the paper and periodically handing ingredients to Esme without her uttering so much as a word to him. Esme was cooking up what smelled like Carlisle favorite food, lasagna. She always seemed to have the ingredients around for our favorite dishes, and every time one of us was down and in need of comfort Esme would whip it up. It was one of her many magical mommy traits

"Hey there sleepy head," Esme smiled. "There is fresh coffee in the pot, and I will whip you up some eggs. Dinner won't be ready for a few hours."

She looked at her son, taking in the dark circles under his eyes, his wild hair that sadly looked dull, and the stubble that etched across his face. Edward was so much like his father that it sometimes scared her. He would brood and brood with the things that irked him until they just about tore him apart, never wanting to burden anyone else with his problems.

"Thanks Ma," Edward smiled, taking a seat at the counter next to Carlisle, who handed him a section of his coveted NY times.

"Clearwater's son just graduated the paramedic program," Carlisle stated.

"ummhmmm."

"So, well I was thinking... you and Jasper may be poised for shift change, if you want it that is. Of course, it won't be for a while... training and what not."

Edward knew what his father was doing, and he could appreciate the effort. They had both long ago known of Harry Clearwater's son's intention of following in his dad's footsteps. Bringing it up now was Carlisle's way of dealing with last night. Edward also knew that his father expected him to quickly turn the offer down. He wanted Edward on the night shift because he was the best paramedic on staff, and the night is where the most life and death situations occurred.

But, Edward was not going to let the opportunity, however half-hearted it was, pass him by. It was time to make some changes in his life, and that most likely meant it was time to piss off his father.

"That sounds great, dad. I will let Jasper know, I'm sure he will be just as excited to stop living the life of a vampire."

Carlisle stop reading the paper. He looked his son over with unhidden surprise in his eyes. "Well, if you are comfortable with leaving the night in Clearwater's hands..."

"We will train him and his partner well dad. I was hoping we could start looking for some additional staff too. Perhaps speak to the county about transferring some from Port Angeles? What do you think?" Edward knew he did not need to ask his dad about this, he could have just gone straight to the county. Carlisle was the well-respected doctor in the entire town, and by default he seemed to have a hand in almost everything medically related, right on down to the schedules of the EMTs and nurses.

"That would be wonderful," Esme beamed. "You really work too hard son."

Carlisle still had yet to respond. He was back to flipping through the pages of the paper without actually reading a single world. Clearing his throat he said, "Son, if this is about last night... I know it is hard... but you did everything..."

"I know Dad, and so did you. It is not about last night though. From the start, I had always said I never planned on working the Forks station forever. And, I am not even saying I am leaving. I know you guys need the help, but things have changed now." Edward spoke softly, looking down at his steaming cup of coffee, he tried not to fuel his father's rage anymore then he had to.

"It is ok Edward. You know we fully support anything you want to do dear," Esme chimed in; though it was clear she was not actually speaking to Edward. Her eyes were piercing straight through Carlisle.

"Well, let's hear it then? What has changed? We have all noticed you have been extra mopey since coming back from San Fran, let me guess- you got yourself another taste of the city life, and you are now craving the excitement. You would think last night would have been enough to hold you over for a wh-"

"Enough." Esme scolded, effectively silencing Carlisle. Though he could easily get angry at his oldest son, he could never stand to hurt his wife. It was a trait of his father's Edward most admired, and one he hoped he could use to get him on his side.

"Look, I met someone in San Francisco, someone really…special."

"Eeeeeek," Esme squeaked. She always worried about her son the loner. Sure in college he dated a lot, but never once had he brought a girl home to meet her.

Carlisle was not as thrilled by this piece of news as his bubbly wife was. "Is that so… and you know this after one whole weekend? How much time could you of possibly spent with this girl, where you not spending time with you little sister?"

"Well, she is Alice's roommate actually."

"Isabella? Oh, that is wonderful. Alice seems so fond of her Edward- but she did express some concerns too. I do hope you are serious about her, if not you shouldn't lead her on," Esme babbled.

"Really son, you had to seduce-"

"Dad I think I love her, so you best watch what you say, and Mom I do not know what all you have heard from Al, but I will not hurt Isabella."

"Love- you love her- how can you possible know that?" Carlisle barked, he was starting to reach his breaking point. To him, this looked as if his prodigal son was once again well on his way to making life destroying decisions hastily.

But, Edward was not going to be deterred now. "Just how long did it take for you to know you loved my mother?"

The question hit the mark of course, and Carlisle's face immediately softened as he thought of his beautiful wife. He had fallen in love with her almost instantaneously, and from then that love had only grown and grown.

"Well, just don't do anything rash before you really know where this thing is going son."

"I promise Dad, besides I can hardly even get her on the phone with me. She has gone through some stuff- and, she is… well difficult," Edward chuckled.

"Oh son, any woman worth having is worth fighting for. Hell, your mother made me chase her for years," Carlisle smiled up at his wife adoringly.

"More like stalked," Esme snickered. "Now, when will we get to meet this lady who is stealing my baby boy away from me?"

"Well, if all goes right, Alice will be bringing her home for Christmas," Edward smiled. He knew this piece of information would be sure to put his mother into overload. She was a holiday master, and the idea of getting to put on the festivities for a new comer was probably the best Christmas gift Edward could ever give her.

"Oh that is wonderful. I will have to get started right away. There is so much to do!"

"Yes, well I am not sure if you should go into full blown Mom mode here yet. There is a chance that everything will not go as planned... and, well, if that is the case…then Dad, I am going to need more time off because I will be going down to San Francisco again. But, I do hope that is not necessary."

Carlisle looked at the sincerity on his son's face, and knew there was no point in arguing with him over this. His decision had already been made, and though he was not necessarily approving of the choices his son was making, he was appreciative of the advance notice. There was no notice last time.

Edward was just relived to have gotten that conversation over with. All he really wanted to do was get through the next couple of hours before he could call Bella.

* * *

Bella was enduring a tortuously slow day. The kids were always able to sense when she was truly upset. They seemed to feed off of whatever emotion she was currently consumed with, even when she did everything she could to hide her true feelings. She really did not understand why these childrens' parents kept saying she was such a great nanny. Her head and heart had not been in it for quite some time now.

"Belly, Belly look- a fire egging!"

"Oh yes, say good luck truck," Bella automatically replied. But, when she looked up she saw not a fire truck but an ambulance zooming past them. Edward immediately pressed from the back to the forefront of her mind. She was so angry and yet so in love with this man whom she barley even knew. Perhaps she had at last just gone ahead and fell off the deep end into insanity. She could do for some time in the local loony ward, If only to get away from all the harsh realities that she was about to be forced into confronting. Jake was back in her life, and she knew he wasn't going to just disappear again. Not now that he knew a bit about what had happened to her.

The odd part was that Bella found herself feeling actual relief and slight excitement over this new development. A weight had been taken off of her shoulders somehow. She was also slightly surprised to find that seeing Jake no longer brought a pain to her gut. Somewhere along the way she had gotten over him. Of course, a certain infuriating bronzed haired boy probably had a lot to do with that fact.

All day long Bella checked her phone for his call, even though it was a call she both dreaded and longed for. If she was going to be open to any type of friendship or relationship with this man, she would have to make sure her guard was always up. As the day dragged on, and her phone had yet to ring, Bella quickly fell into second guessing herself. Had she let it go to long before calling him back? Was she to rude on her message, perhaps her anger had come through to him after all? Or, maybe he just got wise and decided to run away from the crazy girl.

By the time she arrived back at the loft, Bella had wound herself up so tightly, that she was in desperate need of a run yet again.

_Just run, just run it out and then go to sleep. It is better this way anyway. _Bella chanted to herself as she climbed the steps rather than taking the elevator.

The house was dead silent, which was strange, because Alice almost always had music playing this time of day. But, Bella did not take notice of anything unusual as she charged her way straight to her room to change. That is until she smacked her toe painfully into some large hard bulky item that was now occupying a majority of the loft's small living room.

"Jesus, fuck that hurts," Bella screamed and hopped around wallowing in the sudden sharp pain shooting up her leg. Looking down at the culprit, Bella was stunned to find a giant professional grade treadmill all wrapped up nicely with a big red bow. There was a shiny red foiled envelope also taped tightly to the controls, and neatly written on it in bold black letters were the words ISABELLA.

Bella did not need to read the _note to_ know who this outrageous gift was from. She knew that handwriting from all the cards he had sent his sister. It had to be Edward.

Rage was quickly boiling up inside of Bella, there was no way in hell she could accept such an expensive gift. She was not worth all this trouble. Taking the card out carefully, she sat down on the carpet to mull over the words she found.

_Isabella, I know you do not like gifts, but this is not a gift for you. This is a gift for me, for my sanity. I still do not want you to run as much, but if you must run, run here. And, as you run think of me instead of any bad things that may be haunting you. I hope you enjoy it and are not mad. If you must think of it as a gift then think of it as a gift for your bottom- because I can assure you it will be saving that beautiful behind much angsts. ;P. Thank you for your call this morning- it made all the difference. I will be waiting for you to ring me when you are off of work._

_All my love_

_E._

Bella could not believe the words in front of her face were real. _Did he really just make a joke about punishing me? And, is he really implying that he cares that much about me? He is totally insane._ With her resolve set, Bella picked up the phone.

It didn't even ring fully once before she heard his velvet voice.

"My Bella, I am so glad you called. I hope you are-"

"Edward you are insane. This had to of cost a small fortune. I cannot, I will not, accept something like this. I am not worth it," Bella let her words flow out in one big long jumble, becoming more flustered with each passing second.

"Oh, love don't say such things about yourself. The cost is no matter to me, really... I just need to know you are safe. Think of it as an investment if you must."

"A what?"

"An investment, love. Just like how you take care of the things you own and care about..."

"Are you saying you own me?" Bella sneered while thinking you_ do though, somehow you do._

"No, no, no, love that came out wrong. Please- I am saying I care about you and I take care of the things I care about." Edward could feel the conversation spiraling out of control quickly. He wished this woman could just stop being so stubborn.

"I will pay you back."

"That is never going to happen Bella."

"Edward I am not yours to take care of... we are not even together, I am not ready for any kind of relationship..." Bella could feel the hot tears building up in her eyes now, she hated feeling needy and never wanted to give anyone trouble.

"Shhh shhh shhh love, I know you are not ready for anything. That is OK. But, you are still mine and you know it. Even if we are nothing but friends for the rest of our lives you will still be mine. _But I plan on never letting that happen Beautiful. _Now please just accept the gift and put it to good use. No more putting yourself in danger or I am going to go bald over here!"

Edward heard her resigned shudder and knew he was winning her over. "I promise to keep the gift giving to a minimum, so long as, you promise to never shut me out like that again. Bella, I need you. I don't know why, but I do. I am not saying we need to jump right into anything you are not ready for. Hell, I know this doesn't make any sense, and on paper I am really the last thing you need. I am too old, too -"

"Hey don't talk about Edward like that," Bella interrupted.

"Well, see now how I feel," Edward chuckled.

"That is different I am- "

"How about we both just stop with the self-deification for tonight, let's just- chat about something nice."

"Yeah, that would be good," Bella sighed and laid herself down upon the shiny new treadmill belt. She still had so much to say to him though. She wanted to tell him about Jake ( , ) and how upset she was with him over betraying her trust. But, she also wanted to just talk to him. She missed him.

"So, what's nice?" Edward asked hoping to let her take the lead here.

"Oh, I don't know- what do they say sugar and spice right? Or is it puppy dog tails and dirt?"

"You are such a dork."

"Ok than smart ass, you tell me what is nice to talk about?" Bella snorted

"Well, I think my sister is falling for Jasper."

"No shit. That was clear from day one, but wow I am surprised you think THAT is nice."

"Yeah I am... growing I guess. It is still hard to see her as a- well you know-woman, but Jasper is a good guy. He will be good for her."

"Speaking of the little fairy, I wonder where she is- it is never this quite in our house."

"Oh, well Jasper sort of sent her to bed. So, if she knows what is good for her, she should be asleep." Edward left out the part that Alice was utterly exhausted because of Bella. Or, that he had overheard Jasper warning her that if she did not start taking care of Alice first and foremost, then he would take care of her bottom for her. That last bit of information was to hard for Edward to digest at the moment.

"WHAT! Now this I have to see," Bella laughed, as she tip toed towards Alice's room. Sure enough, she found Alice's tiny frame crawled up in a ball on top of her bed, hugging her cellphone tightly to her ear.

"Awww, I think she fell asleep talking to Jasper," Bella sighed.

"Well, you know I don't think that is a bad idea for you either. Why don't you go get in bed, and we can continue talking about only nice things again..."

It didn't take long for Bella to fall asleep. Edward stayed on the phone just listening to her breathing, until it was time for him to go to work.


	11. Chapter 10 On the 12th day of Christmas

On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me a massive coronary.

"Seriously mom four Christmas trees, why don't we just all move out into the forest instead, it would be easier," Emmett grumbled, as he set yet another huge Douglas fur in place. This one was to stand right in the great hall of the house, so it was naturally the tallest and heaviest of them all, which is why Esme had saved it especially for her youngest son.

"Emmett Cullen you only just got here and you are already complaining to your mother?" Rose sighed, playfully smacking the back of Emmett's massive skull. She was doing the job she had always been most suited for, supervising. Yet, somehow this did not irritate Edward like it always use to. After having gained a little more insight into the relationship of his brother and Rose, he had found a new respect for the seemingly snobby bombshell. And besides that, there really was not much that could put Edward into a bad mood these days because Edward was in love.

Big goofy butterflies in your stomach, nothing can go wrong love. For the past two weeks, Edward had been walking around sporting the most un-Edward like smiles. He didn't mind when his father made snide remarks to him about the competence level of his current trainee. Nor did he even flinch when Jasper officially told him of his intentions for his baby sister, saying he planned on "making her mine when she came home for the holidays." Who was he to stand in the way of real love? Besides, if anyone ever tried to stand in between him and his Bella, anyone but Bella herself that is, he knew he would innialiate them in an instant. No, there was truly nothing in the world that could upset Edward right now. Not with his best 'buddy' AKA the love of his life currently in route to visit him for the holidays.

She would be there in just a few short hours. Ever since the day he had sent her the treadmill, Edward had felt like he had stepped into some fairy tale land. He couldn't say that he was actually Bella's boyfriend; he could barely say he was her friend just yet, but Bella had let him back into her life. They had shared daily calls, and almost hourly texts, partaking in what felt like one long never ending conversation. He made sure to keep the topics light between them and that seemed to work very well, allowing him to really get to see the fun witty and un-guarded side of Bella Swan. Though, he knew eventually hard stuff would come their way again, Edward was willing to do as his mother would say and 'put a pin in it' for the time being.

Though, right now Edward was having a hard time putting a pin in anything. He was so anxious and excited for Bella's arrival that he could hardly keep still.

"Listen to your women Emmett, we want to make sure everything is perfect this year," Edward gawked as he checked is phone for the fourth time in a row. "Unless you want to earn yourself a spanking..." He added in quite mockery.

"Hey now EDDIE... I would watch yourself, I am all for helping you find love.. but keep messing with me and I may just embarrasses you by showing everyone how much stronger then you your little brother is."

"Boys... would you please act your age," Esme chided, though her flushed face still held a gleaming smile. Never having been one to deal with separation well, she was elated to have her entire family back under one roof. "Dad should be home with the girls any second now."

Edward couldn't help but smile at how his mother was already including Bella into the family, so long as he had his mom on his side he knew his father would not be a problem.

"So, why didn't Prince charming over here go pick them up anyways," Emmett grumbled. "Dad would have been more helpful here as opposed to Mr. Antsy..."

"Darling, would you cut the man a break... or are you saying that I never made you pace back and forth in anticipation before," Rose asked as she coped an eyebrow his way.

"I wish I had gone... but mom needed me," Edward lied. He had wanted to go pick up the girls, but his father had insisted on going to get his little Ally, and Edward was nowhere near ready for a two hour car ride alone with his father. Though, now he was starting to rethink his choice.

"They really should have been back a while ago..." Edward worried out-loud, checking his phone yet again. He was slightly disappointed Bella had not texted him at all today.

"Honey I am sure they are fine," Esme tried to reassure her son. She always felt guilty that Edward had seemed to have inherited her tendency to worry over nothing.

"Why don't you just give them a call, I am so very interested to meet this girl of yours," Rose smiled. She was acting oddly warm towards Edward, but he wasn't about to question it.

"yeah... alright… maybe I'll give Alice a ring…"

** D****ING DING DING DING, **Edward's phone chime interrupted.

"Seriously dude, you set Bella's ring to bell chimes? What happened to you? I use to think you were tough," Emmett chuckled.

This time even Rose and Esme had to laugh along too, but Edward did not care. His Bella had just texted him.

_**"Please tell me your whole family is not like these two? I have been stuck in Christmas m**__**usic hell for the past two hour, a**__**nd I thought I was a Christmas freak ;P"- B.**_

__ **"**_**Sorry scrooge you are entering Cullen territ**__**ory. I tried to prepare you...**__**How close are you guys? I can't wait to see you."- E.**_

_** "Well, let's see… we just passed our fourth reindeer, so that means we should be about 3 blocks away from the north pole AKA Cullen Crest? Haha how am I supposed to know how far away we are, dork?"- B.**_

_** "Fair enough, I am just excited. We are here waiting for your big arrival. We left two Christmas trees for us to decorate together."-E.**_

Edward sent off the text full of hope and excitement. He was not prepared for the reply that came back.

_** "Hey dumb-ass I know you are talking to Bella and whatever you just said to her made her look like she wants to puke. You do have some kind of brain in that head right? The poor girl is so nervous already…I have been waiting for her to pass out on."- Alice**_

_** "Fuck. Are you serious?"-E.**_

__Of course she was nervous to be coming up here. She had never wanted to come in the first place, and now he had her thinking she was about to walk into a fire squad of Cullen's. Edward chastised himself, and quickly sent off another text with the hopes of easing her mind a little. _**"Don't worry we don't bite- though we have been known to force feed cookies at times"- E.**_

__Bella did not answer. She did not even look at the text. She was lost somewhere in the back seat of Carlisle Mercedes, locked deeply in a battle with her own panicked body. From the moment she had woken up this morning, she could feel the panic wanting to take over. It started as a simple tingling in her head, and a slightly elevated heart rate. She had hoped she could just ward it off with shear will, but Edward's words made everything that much more real. Bella was now stuck in a strange state with a family much too good for her to be around. Her stomach churned and as her hands began to sweat the world around her started to dim slightly. Her vision was always so unfocused when she got like this.

_Stop this now Bella,_She thought to herself. _You have to make it through, just make it through this one week without showing every__one how much of a freak you are. After that__,__ you don't ever have to do this again. Please just make it through..._

But Bella's body was not listening, and her phone would not stop vibrating. She could also hear Alice and Carlisle having some type of muted conversation up front. A conversation that was most likely about her and how crazy she was. All she could do now was clutch onto her own humming phone and try to concentrate on her breathing.

"_**Bella?"- E.**_

_** "Have I scared you off already?"-E**_

_** "Alice what is going on in that car?!"-E**_

_** "I don't know Edward. What the hell did you say to her? Dad thinks she is fighting a panic attack back there. She won't even respond to him. God damn Edward It is only day one!"-Alice.**_

__Edward knew all about panic attacks. It was a pretty common emergency call up in Seattle. People who had no idea what was going on often thought they dying when one hit. As quickly as he could, Edward called his father.

"How bad is it on a scale of one to ten Dad?"

Carlisle looked in his mirror at the horror struck girl. She was pasty white, her jaw clenched shut tightly as she stared at some unknown spot on the back of Alice's head rest. He could almost hear her heart trying to burst out of her chest.

"Six or seven."

"How close are you?"

"Almost home."

"Ok. Let me take care of this. It is best for her if she thinks you don't even notice. It is going to make it worse if she feels everyone knows," Edward whispered, abusing his poor hair as if it was the cause of all this trouble.

Carlisle hummed in though before saying "Clearly you are right. But I hope you have a plan… if not I will step in."

"Of course you will dad. I will be waiting outside." Edward clipped before hanging up and grabbing his coat.

The yard was oddly angelic and calm all covered in a blanket of untouched white snow. Of course, Edward paid no notice to the serenity of it all. He only paced back and forth while he waited, his large feet crunching down on the crusty walkway. This was not how he had envisioned this day going. He only prayed he could somehow salvage it and make Isabella have a comfortable holiday.

As soon as Carlisle's car turned onto the long driveway Edward began to jog to meet them. He couldn't see Bella through the dark tinted windows his father insisted on. But, he could see Alice and his Carlisle through the windshield, and they both looked stressed. Alice was sporting a big false nervous smile, while Carlisle was pinching the bridge of his, a trait Edward was well acquainted with.

Both Alice and Carlisle got out of the car rather quickly, but Bella made no movement.

"You have 10 minutes son. If you can't calm her down by then I am stepping in," Carlisle stated. Though, this time his tone held no accusation, only concern. It seems Carlisle had a soft spot of Bella too.

"You got that right he is," Alice added quite annoyed. She hurried into the house to search for Jasper.

"Ok Dad. Stay close I will call you if needed... and Dad thanks."

Carlisle nodded and watched as his son hurried to enter the back of his car. He was very intrigued and quite impressed by the hold this woman seemed to have over his son. He was also concerned for both of them. Bella was clearly a beautiful soul just like Esme, but she was seriously damaged. He wasn't sure if this was something his son could Handel, or even something he wanted his son to have to deal with. It was hard sometimes to remember that Edward was quite capable of making his own life choices now.

But, Edward had already made his choice a long time ago. And, right now his choice was sitting stone still clutching onto the Mercedes black leather seats for dear life.

"Bella, love. Open your eyes. I have waited so very long to see those beautiful brown eyes again, and now you have them closed off to me." Edward brought his nose to the tip of hers. She was cold, much colder then she should have been inside this toasty car.

"No one else is here now. Alice is quite busy hunting for Jasper, and I told my father I was in some desperate need of alone time with you. Bella, you are safe so open your eyes for me." Edward allowed his voice to become somewhat stern now. He needed to force her out of the fog and coddling was not going to do it.

"Isabella Marie Swan open your eyes," He commanded quite harshly.

The tone worked like magic. She heard him from somewhere deep inside her own head. She wanted to listen to him. That voice was one that simply had to be followed. Every part of her wanted to please that voice, and she could not understand why. She opened her eyes.

"Well hey there silly girl," Edward smiled. He could see she was still scared and slightly disorientated. But she held his gaze intently.

"Ed... Edward, I am sorry… I don't think I can do this. It was a bad, a stupid idea," she stuttered as her teeth chattered.

"Shhh, shhh shhs I don't want to hear sorry. And, you don't have to do anything you don't want to." Edward began to tentatively rub his hands up and down the length of her shivering arms. She was so very cold even with the heat still on full blast.

"I... am... such... a freak," Bella gasped as she tried to suck in as much air as possible.

"Enough. That is crap- Isabella you are exquisite. What is happening to you happens to people all the time. Believe me, I know and I can help you. Just trust me. I will never do anything that is not in your best interest. Don't you believe that love?"

Bella nodded vigorously. Even though she could not yet talk fluently she did believe him. The second she had felt his presence in the car she had started to feel better.

Gently, Edward lifted Bella up into his lap, causing her head to almost scrape against the car roof. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his own head in the crook of her neck. She even smelled of musky fear. Not that it was an unpleasant smell, though. Even in this less than perfect situation Edward could not help but revel in the closeness they were sharing.

"Ok sweet girl, we are just going to slow your breathing down. Just concentrate on my breath. You can feel my chest right? So just follow along with me..."

Slowly, Edward breathed in and out as Bella silently struggled to follow along with him. It was not a fast process, and at one point Edward's father came to check on them, but eventually Bella's body began to mold itself into Edward's. Her breathing slowed and her shaking subsided. Edward was just what Bella needed.

But, with the primal fear fully pushed away, Bella's mind was once again able to think and feel. And, what it felt was plain old embarrassed. She couldn't even really remember what exactly had set her into full-fledged panic mode. Sure, she had been incredibly apprehensive about spending the weekend with all of the Cullen's, but she was usually able to fight off her insanity. Weakness was not something she ever wanted to show to people.

"Edward...thanks," Bella sighed. "I am feeling much better... but... but.."

"It's ok love, we are in no hurry," Edward soothed.

"I really don't know if I can do this... I don't think I can go in there. I am sorry... I am just not normal."

Her voice sounded so utterly defeated. It broke Edward's heart, but not his determination. "Well, who cares? Let's get out of here then. No one knows what just happened, but they all know how badly I wanted to see you. I shall just tell them I have decided to sweep you away for the day. It could just be you and I until whenever you are ready to…well, um meet the folks."

"They will be angry will us. I don't want to mess up your family's holiday... I can just go back to the airport..."

"None sense... Christmas is not for a few more days, and only Alice will be grumpy with me not you. But, I can handle Alice." Edward could see Bella's mood changing right before his eyes. He was winning her over. Never in his life had he thought a panic attack would be a stroke of great luck to him. The idea of getting actual real alone time with Bella, however short it may be, was the best Christmas gift he could ever receive.

"And, where exactly are we going," Bella asked as bits and pieces of her witty self started to slowly return.

"Oh don't worry about that... I have lots of tricks up my sleeve. I grew up in this town sweetheart, it may be small, but I know all the best hiding places."

"Edward Cullen I think you may not have the most holy of intentions with me? I thought we were just friends there buddy?" Her mouth was pulled into a stern smile but her eyes held nothing but charm and good humor.

"Come now love, it is clear to me that I have already won you over. Let's go have a nice relaxing day... and if you are still not ready for a Cullen family Christmas afterward... well then we will just cross that bridge when we get there. And, I promise I will be on my best behavior, " Edward smiled and wiggled his eyebrows at Bella.

She was no match for his dazzling charm. All she could think, though she would never admit it to him, is that she hoped he would not be on his best behavior. Isabella Marie Swan was in love with Edward Cullen and it scared the hell out of her.

"Ok then, if you are sure no one will be angry or think I am crazy... let's get out of here."


	12. Chapter 11 heart in a box

Thanks again to my amazing pre-reader. I somehow missed sending her the last chapter, but this one should be back up to her higher standard! Thanks to everyone for their support. The emails and reviews have been wonderful.

Heart in a box

It wasn't quite an escape from Alcatraz to get away from Cullen Castle, but it sure was no walk in the park either. As soon as Bella consented to leaving, Edward crept back into the house to gather up some clothes and money for their getaway. He did not want to run into anyone from his family just yet, though steering clear of all of them would be utterly impossible. Cullen's had a knack for turning up when they were not wanted. A trait that Rosalie Hale seemed to have adopted as well.

"It looks to me like you are about to commit a kidnapping offense... one I do not think little Miss Alice will be too happy about." Rose was sitting on the private steps that lead from the kitchen up into Edward's large studio room.

"What are you doing here Rose- I am in a rather large hurry."

"Well, if you don't want my help..."

"You are going to help me… alright then let's have it."

"I just thought someone should tell you about the gift I had made for Em... a jeep for him to play with when we are home. I had it custom tailored and modified for off roading and enhanced performance. I could have done all the mods by hand myself... but it was hard to do that and keep it a surprise. You see, my character on the Soap, Bree, is a chop shop owner. I had to learn all about cars, and well I really love it... I'm kind of great at it actually...

"That's great Rose...so. Very. Helpful. Now if you will excuse me," Edward grumbled as he tried to slide past her. For such a skinny woman she sure was taking up a lot of space.

"And, well Em really, really loves it... he is busy showing it off to everyone right now in the garage."

Edward stopped in his tracks and turned to look at Rose's knowing smile. She was warning him, he was not going to able to sneak his car out. He was going to have to take the Mercedes. Carlisle's beloved Mercedes.

Edward leaned down and kissed Rose on the cheek, "Thanks for the advice beautiful... I think you may have just signed my death warrant, but... thank you."

Rose laughed at this, "Well, if Carlisle decides to report his baby as stolen I will give you a heads up. But, Edward... get your ass back here before tomorrow or I will kick pound it. You know how important Christmas is to your mother…and be sure to wrap that snake of yours up tight," She winked.

"Jesus woman, you are something else." Edward shook his head and continued on his way; he was really starting to like Rose. It was shameful how long it had taken him to warm up to her.

While Edward was gone, Bella kept refugee in Carlisle's car. She was once again nervous, but this time they were nerves of excitement and thrill, rather than irrational fear. All her life Bella had tried to do what she thought would make others happy, what was expected of her. Just for this one time she would do what she wanted.

Looking around the yard, Bella was mystified by the sites that met her. It looked like heaven with everything covered in sparkling white snow. The dark stone of the Cullen house rose out of the snow, as if it were floating on top of a cushion of clouds. It was so massive of a building that it could hardly be called a house, yet it did not feel intimidating now that Bella was truly looking at it. It was warm, and welcoming. Bella felt even more foolish for her unfounded fears. Though, she wasn't quite ready to give up her impromptu date escape with Edward, she had made a decision, Bella was going to give all the Cullen's a chance.

She watched in amusement at the sight of Edward sneaking past the garage, as if he was involved in some secret military operation. He was wearing a small backpack and carrying a large thermos with him. He was beautiful, too beautiful for words.

"I think someone plays entirely too many video games," Bella joked as Edward plopped down into the driver seat, releasing a gushing sigh of relief.

_There is my Bella. _Edward thought to himself. "Real funny Swan, real runny... now let's go shall we, before Alice finds us and hurls her body onto the car." Though, it was not really Alice Edward envisioned risking bodily harm to stop them from leaving. He shuddered at the thought of how his father would react to his car being taken. No one was allowed to drive Carlisle's car.

Bella climbed up from the backseat rather awkwardly, knocking her elbow into the side of Edward's head. He could not help but laugh as her blush blossomed into life once again.

"Alright spider monkey, buckle up."

And, with that the two of them sped out of the driveway, feeling slightly like Bonnie and Clyde. Out of the rear view mirror Edward could see the small frantic frame of an inky haired Alice chasing after them. Within seconds his cell phone was beeping away and Bella's brow was starting to furrow, but Edward just quickly switched it to silent and sped up.

"Drink this… it is hot chocolate. You need some sugar and calories in your system."

"You mean after my massive freak out," Bella laughed. She was attempting to smooth out the awkwardness she imagined he must be feeling. But, the hot chocolate smelled wonderful to her exhausted body. _Of course, a Cullen hot chocolate had to be magically doctored_, Bella chuckled to herself.

"What's so funny over there?"

"Nothing... just... wondering if you Cullen's are even human. You seem a little too perfect for this species. What is this Mexican hot chocolate... did you just have this laying around the house?"

Edward watched in awed amusement at how Bella's nose crinkled when she laughed. But, he did not miss the solemn undercurrent to her joke, "Isabella you do not see yourself clearly, because it is you that I often wonder about...if maybe you are an angel, or I don't know a siren or something... you are perfection."

Bella snorted hot chocolate at the absurdity of his words, but didn't bother to refute them. She was starting to think that perhaps dear Alice had adopted her persistence from Edward himself. So instead of arguing, Bella rested her head back and allowed her heavy eye lids to close at last. She had no idea where she was going but she felt completely safe going there with Edward.

Edward drove north as fast as he thought was safe. If it had just been him in the car, he could have made it to Seattle in less than 2.5 hours. With such precious sleeping cargo, Edward made the drive in the normal 3 hours. It was going to be tough to find a nice hotel without any reservation this time a year. Edward was willing to pay anything though, he just wanted to show Bella a good time. To give her chances, to let her guard down and perhaps forget some of her troubles. Just for now.

When the bleak Seattle skyline began to peak above the white Mountain tops, Edward woke Bella.

"Hey sleepy head… we are almost there," His velvet voice soothed as he rubbed the back of his knuckles up and down her forearm. The feeling was electric to Bella, pulling her out of her deep sleep almost instantly, yet without alarm. Through her bleary eyes, she could see the light of day had faded away. They must have been diving for quite some time.

"I'm sorry I slept for so long," She yawned, taking in her surroundings. "I thought you were going to show me around 'your town'… looks to me like you have swept me away to Seattle."

Edward leaned in to whisper cockily into Bella's ear, "well, you know love, I know a little something about the big city too. I did use to live here for quite some time."

"oh, that's right. Saving lives and all that..." she joked in mock awe.

They were entering into the city limits, drawing ever nearer to the Andra hotel. Now it was Edward's stomach that was tied up in knots. He was not sure if taking Bella to the nicest hotel in Seattle, or any hotel at all for that matter, was the right thing to do. _Is she going to take this the wrong way, will she freak out? _He worried, but Bella seemed perfectly happy; though slightly awed, as they pulled up towards the crisply dressed valet.

"It is getting late, so I thought we would check in, than we can go get dinner and, if you are not to tired, hit the town a bit... I will be sure to, um, get two beds," Edward added in a concerned whisper.

Bella blushed and nodded in appreciation. She really hadn't even thought about that aspect of their getaway. Now that it was on her mind though, she found the thought of sleeping next to Edward, even in the same bed as him, to be anything but scary. _What's wrong with you? You have to just stay friends. For the love of God Bella, since when do you lust after things? I guess since you met an actual Greek God in the flesh..._

"Isabella look at me." Edward's stern voice interrupted her silent babble.

"Whenever anything makes you uncomfortable you must tell me. Do you understand? If you want we can get two roo-"

"NO, NO I am fine... I was just... distracted. Two beds would be great. _One would be better._"

Edward studied her face for sincerity, and could find no traces of anything but. He wondered if perhaps he was dreaming all of this. Where had the Bella who resisted him at every turn gone off to?

The hotel room was unlike anything Bella had ever seen before. Larger than her entire loft in San Francisco and covered in marble, the room shined and shimmered in the fading sun of twilight.

"Edward, this is like a fairy tale." She smiled before allowing a disturbing thought to enter her head. _And it must have cost a fortune. _"Let me know how much it costs... I… I want to pay for my half."

Edward scowled at this. "Bella, Bella, Bella you worry too much. It is nothing to me; please just let me take care of you for this one night."

"But Edw-"

"No Bella, I am sure you can tell that our family is, well a bit more then well off. And, I am not so much like Alice. I don't often spend money-"

"But you are now... for me," Bella said shamefully.

"No, for me," Edward countered with a wide smile. "Bella, I have never been so happy... you trusting me. I feel so honored."

"I do trust you Edward, I really do."

"Good. Now, I think we need to go ice skating," Edward smiled mischievously. "You can wear Alice's coat- her luggage was still in the trunk."

"Oh dear God! Alice is going to murder me," Bella shrieked.

"Don't worry, she is small I think you can take her." He winked before guiding her out of the room by the small of her back, and towards the car again.

* * *

"You know, I'm not exactly coordinated." Bella bit down on her lip as she pondered stepping onto the outdoor ice skating rink. Children who couldn't have been more than 10, were racing by at obnoxious speeds, twirling and swirling as if it took no effort at all.

"Don't worry love, I won't let you fall." Edward smiled down as he was skated onto the ice backwards, keeping the full extent of his smoldering eyes locked onto her nervous ones. He reached his hand out carefully urging her towards him. Of course, she could not resist.

Stepping onto a slick, frozen surface went against every ounce of good sense Bella had. Edward felt as strong and sturdy as a burly bear. His hand quickly wrapped around her back, grabbing onto her far elbow. "Just follow me," His soft voice sung as he kicked off the slick surface.

At first Bella did little talking, or little moving for that matter. She just held on tightly to Edward, and allowed him to pull her across the ice. It was impossible not to allow the magic of the moment invade her. There was Christmas music playing from somewhere off in the distance, and the smell of fireplaces and fried dough laced the air. Edward was perfectly at home on the ice; his face flushed from the cold looked vibrant and full of life.

Bella was happy. She tugged on his sleeve, urging him to stop. "Ok I want to try this on my own," She smiled.

"As you wish," Edward smiled. He guided her over towards the wall and placed her hand firmly upon it. "Come to me," He smirked before skating a few feet away backwards.

It took less force then Bella had expected to propel her small body across the slick ice. With just the slightest twitch of her leg, she shot out faster than her hands could react to grab onto the wall.

"Ahhh!" Bella screamed as she flailed franticly towards Edward's awaiting open arms. He was already beside himself with laughter at her doe eyed shocked face. It took no effort on his part at all to stop her progression.

"Not bad Swan, try again," He smirked and pushed away from her once more.

Again, and again, Bella stumbled and fumbled her way towards Edward's ever increasing cackle; a cold sweat formed along the back of her neck and dripping down between her shoulder blades. The children whizzing by made it all look so simple, so easy, and Bella could feel the pangs of anger and desperation building up deep within her gut. She was tired of being so feeble, so weak, even if it did seem to be the highlight of Edward's day.

"You are thinking about this too much," Edward grunted as he wobbled to support Bella's shaky legs. "Just don't be afraid, don't think, feel the..."

Bella pushed off from Edward with a great force of frustration, swinging around abruptly and skating away from him as quickly as she could. She was far from graceful, holding her body much too stiffly, but she was steady and determined. Edward watched once again impressed by this beautiful stubborn woman, who seemed to be off on some personal mission. He fought the urge to chase after her, knowing how important feeling as if she could do things on her own was to her.

Bella did not even notice that she was now skating against the flow of the rink, causing people all around to dodge and weave out of her way. The air wiped through her long hair sending chills through her body as it dried off her beads of sweat. It felt oddly nice. Faster, and faster she pushed herself through the crowd, feeling Edward's eyes burning into her back. She awkwardly turned the corner and saw his golden hair from across the rink. He was still sporting a gigantic smile, but the smugness of it had now disappeared.

_I'll show him_, Bella thought as she held her hand out against the rough wood of the wall. The railing was crusted in old frozen over snow, which Bella collected deeply into her gloved hand. It was numbingly cold, just perfect for what she had planned for it.

Edward was waiting for her as she approached, arms open wide ready to catch her. What he was not ready for, was the face full of snow that Bella chucked at him. She then stuck her tongue out and skated away. It took Edward no time at all to catch up to his little mischievous Bella, grabbing her from behind and whipping her around to once again face the correct direction.

"You are in trouble now," He grunted, his eyes wild with passion. "Don't let go," he added in a warm whisper before taking off at top Edward speed. A speed that took Bella's breathe away and made all the other skaters turn into a fuzzy blur of light.

"Edward! Stop," Bella shrieked, digging her nails into Edward's forearm. But, Edward just looked down at her and winked, skating away even faster. _How the hell is he going so…so.. .fast. _Bella closed her eyes before the nausea could set in. _He would have to stop at some point, _she thought; _just don't move your legs Bella. And don't let him see you are afraid..._

Yet, before Bella could finish her thought, she suddenly felt her legs slip out from underneath herself. Setting her muscles tightly Bella awaited the inevitable ice impact. It never came. Edward hadn't let her fall, he had picked her up.

"Wha... what are you doing, you are crazy," Bella gasped as Edward skated the both of them towards the rink exit.

"I am taking my naughty Isabella home," Edward laughed, as he rubbed his wet nose against Bella's face.

It was a sentence that should have brought forth all kinds of alarm bells inside Bella's head; instead it set forth a whole other fire upon her body. Being in Edwards arms just felt to right, too perfect. So, Bella let her instincts take over and rested her head into the crook of Edward's neck, placing one soft, yet not tentative kiss, just under his ear lobe. "Ok, let's go home."

The two did not say another word to each other the whole way back. Edward carried her to the bench and helped take off the intricate skate laces, before tentatively taking her hand and walking her back to the car. Inside, his head was working overtime trying to assess the situation. He wanted Bella, more than ever before. However, she had made it clear she was nowhere near ready for anything other than friendship. Yet, somehow it seemed like something had changed tonight. She had kissed him; her soft warm lips had touched his neck, lingered even on his ear lobe. Even with all his years of experience, and there had been many nameless girls, that single kiss was by far the most erotic thing he had ever experienced. Bella set his body a flame and he did not even know if she had tried to do it.

All Edward did know was that he did not, could not afford to mess anything up. He would have to do something he knew girls did not really appreciate, because with her he could not ever seem to get a clear read. Edward was going to have to ask her directly what she was thinking and wanting. It was going to be one awkward dinner.

* * *

The hotel was known for its first rate Italian restaurant, La Bellisimo. The tables were secluded but not overtly romantic; the perfect atmosphere for both Bella's and Edward's strumming hearts.

"So, Isabella what would you like?"

She shrugged her shoulders, saying "how about you just order for us?"

Edward smiled and called the waitress over. "I will have the meat lasagna with the house salad, and for the lady, the mushroom ravioli and let's say... gnocchi soup."

The waitress rolled her eyes at how Edward ordered for Bella. But, Bella was entirely satisfied with his choices for her. Blushing, she softly said "that sounds delicious actually."

"Good. You need to eat up. It has been a very... busy day for you."

"Yes, that it surely has," Bella joked.

"Bella, I am going to need you to tell me what is going on in that head of yours," Edward quietly stated. "I... I know how I feel, but I also have no wish to do anything you do not want."

Bella took in a big gulp of air, and started to fidget with her napkin.

"That, that kiss tonight... Bella it was so wonderful. I felt a spark... a real spark... but I know that rushing into anything right now is not what would be best for you. Yet, unless you specifically tell me to… to go away… I just won't have the strength to stop, love."

Bella blushed at the sincerity of his words, and began to bite down on her cheeks painfully. "Edward... I felt it too, and... I don't want you to stop." At this Bella's blush exploded right in time for their meals to arrive at the table. "It um, it seems, as much as I hate it, that I am pretty much in love with you Edward Cullen," Bella said as she ran her foot up Edward's leg.

Chocking on his drink, Edward coughed out, "two boxes please," to the confused and irate waitress.


	13. Chapter 12 green light

Green light

It was only a 2 minute crowded elevator ride to their hotel suite. Two minutes of hell, that is. _She loves me, Isabella Marie Swan loves me. And... she...wants me. _Edward was screaming to himself.

In the back of his mind he was still weary of hurting this beautiful woman, but it was much harder now that she was so willingly clinging to his side, almost grinding herself against his leg. He had thought he would have to be extraordinary strong in order to just be her friend, he had not accounted for the strength that would be needed to hold a sexually frustrated Bella at bay. _She is not ready for this. Be careful, be careful_. Edward battled internally.

All the while, Bella grabbed onto him, smelling his neck, his ear, the top of his chest. When they finally entered the suite, Edward threw their take out boxes onto the counter, his hunger long since replaced by another need. Edwards's lips crashed into Bella's mouth. She tasted just as she always smelled, of lavender and vanilla with traces of her earlier hot chocolate still lingering in the smooth lining of her cheeks. Edward moaned from somewhere deep down inside of himself. The sound was muffled by Bella's mouth and came out sounding like feral growl, which sent shivers down Bella's spine, pushing her body into overdrive.

When Edward unconsciously rubbed a large hand up Bella's body, coming to rest lightly on top of her throat, Bella lost it completely. This Edward, this real Edward, was way better than all the fantasy Edwards put together. He tasted of salt and spice, and Bella could feel the strength radiating off of him. Wrapping her leg around his waist, Bella began to coo quietly inside her throat.

"Please Edward... please, I need you."

They were the sweetest words Edward had ever heard, and his entire body agreed with them; Edward needed Bella too. But, still he had to fight it, he had to take care of her first...

"Bella, Bella Bella my love," Edward broke away from the deep kiss, opting for small sweet kisses all over Bella's face instead. "Bella, what does this mean," He asked, kissing her tightly closed eyelids. Grabbing her, he pulled them both down to the freshly made bed, sitting her comfortably in his lap.

Bella ignored his question, choosing to push him down on the bed and pick up where he left off. She placed frantic kisses all down his neck murmmering,"mmmm Edward... so good... you smell... you taste... sooo good."

"Oh, love you have no idea what you are doing to me," Edward groaned. He had to take control of the situation before things really got out of hand. With a restrained force, Edward flipped Bella onto her back, pinning her under him. He didn't kiss her though, and she protested this wildly.

"Shhh, shhh shhh sweet girl," Edward cooed, as he ran the back of his hand down her cheek. "We have all the time in the world Bella; I promise I am not going anywhere love." Edward could feel his member straining hard against the rough material of his jeans. _This woman really will be the death of me_.

"I.. I want you. Oh God do I want you," Edward emphasized his words by pressing himself into her soft belly, showing her just how badly she made him throb. "But, I want to do this right Bella. There are things, so many things, we keep avoiding... I don't want..."

Bella's eyes fell down as if she had been overcome with a wave of shame. It was exactly what Edward did not want to see come across her beautiful face.

"No love, look at me," He nudged her chin up with his nose. "I need to know what changed your mind. I need to know you are sure... we don't have to do anything you are not ready for." Edward spoke the words with such earnest passion, showing that his need for doing this right far out weighted any sexual desires.

Bella took a deep breath while she studied Edwards's sincere expression. With some of her raw need slightly dulled now, her mind could understand where Edward was coming from. _ Always the worrier__,_she thought. Though, deep down she knew he was right. Bella desperately wanted to just forget everything and fall into a deep pit of lust with the smoldering hot caring man she had so quickly fell in love with. But, doing so would probably cause more damage than good. _Fuck you reality, fuck you rational thought!_

"Nothing has changed Edward," Bella quietly whispered. "Nothing has changed at all, I.. I have felt this way about you from the very first day we met. I don't think I can fight it anymore. I am breaking all my rules now, and it is very scary."

Her voice quivered from what sounded like shame to Edward. Yet, her body was still urgently pushing up against him. "Isabella, if you are mine I will never ever hurt you, don't ever doubt that."

"I'm already yours... but you... deserve so much mo-"

There was no way Edward was going to let her finish that sentence. Instead, he crashed his lips down heavily before she could get the words out.

The kiss was deep. It was mind erasing deep. And, as he felt Bella's body come to life nestled underneath him, Edward knew there would be no going back now. "I am so happy love, Bella my Bella I never knew what I was missing until the day I met you."

"Please Edward... please..." she begged not even really knowing what she was begging for. Her hands were shaking as she raised them up desperately trying to work Edward's long green sweater off of his head.

"Yes my love, I will give you anything you need." Edward laughed slightly as he helped to shed himself of the constraining material. Bella's hands immediately found their place upon his naked chest, stopping tentatively to brush her thumbs along his nipple.

"Fuck Bella, just that beautiful hand of yours can send me right over the edge. Let me see your gorgeous chest..." He reached his head down, nudging it underneath her shirt. The material stretched taught as he kissed just above her belly button. Bella's skin here was even softer then on her face. It felt like pure velvet.

But, Edward could not ignore the sudden stiffness when he moved her shirt up higher and higher. The rest of her body was still so eager, so responsive to his touch that he could even smell her desire now, yet every time he got close to her breast, Bella would freeze. Something was terribly wrong.

"Isabella, do you want me to stop?"

"No, no I really don't. It's just that..."

"What love, you can tell me anything."

"Can we just leave... leave my bra on this time?"

She didn't need to say anymore, the look on her face spoke volumes more than her words ever could. _James. That scum._

"We should stop love, we don't have to do-"

"No, no please Edward. Please I need this."

Edward watched his beautiful woman teetering on the edge of breaking down. He did not know what the right thing to was. If he said no she would clearly feel rejected, but if he went on to do what he wanted to do, and ended up hurting her more...

Edward's mind traveled back to something he read when going through the papers his little brother had sent him. _Safewords, _he thought. It was in a section of Rose's contract that talked of the use of these. They were especially used during what Emmett had called a sexual scene, rather than a true punishment, though even during a punishment Rose was expected to use her stop safeword in any emergency. _That really is a complicated relationship, _Edward pondered. But, for now it would have to do.

"Ok love, listen to me. I am going to give you three words," he watched her closely as her longing eyes began to focus once again on him. "Kind of like what we did before. I want you to repeat them after me please. Green. Yellow. Red."

Bella's eyes widened in surprise and excitement, but not confusion, "Green. Yellow. Red," she slowly cooed out.

"Good girl. Just like a stop light, ok? Green means good and keep going. Yellow means slow down and change course, and red means stop. Bella love, I need you to use these words if we are going to be intimate, can I trust you to do that for me? I couldn't live with myself if hurt you."

Bella nodded, "Greeeeennn, yellow, red" she repeated. The words seem to only ignite her desire even more, causing her legs to tremble with need. Edward suspected that Bella knew quite a lot about this world his brother had opened his eyes to. The world he was so deeply drawn to, yet also so terrible frightened of.

"That's right sweet girl, now what color are you?" He asked warmly.

"Oh, Edward I am green... so very green.. sir," she added in a whisper. The word, once again, sent a shock through his system. Hearing those words come out of her mouth just felt right.

"Good, now stand up for me beautiful," he commanded, as he rolled off of her. "I want you to undress yourself for me, let me see that beautiful body I have been dreaming of. Take off only what you are comfortable with, but take it off nice and slow."

"Oh, I see Mr. Cullen you want me to strip for you. Shall I dance for you as well," Bella smirked.

_God I love this woman_. "I don't think you should be talking so cheekily to me Isabella, you were already quite naughty tonight." _Who- what the hell did I just say! What is wrong with you Cullen._

"Sorry... sir," Bella smiled, casting her dark eyes down.

_Well, damn maybe there is nothing wrong with you.._

She closed her eyes and began to move naturally; swaying as if there was some soft sensual background music only she could hear. Running her hands down her own body, Bella made her way to her dirty old sneakers. The sexiest dirty old sneakers Edward had ever seen. One by one they came off and flew across the room. Bella had to stifle her own laughter at the sound of the clunky soles smashing into the glossy red walls. She really did not fit in at this hotel.

Bella moved to her socks next, flinging these at Edward's head. This time it was him holding in the laughs. But no one was laughing when Bella pulled her shirt up over her head, and slid her skinny jeans down, revealing her matching navy blue panty set.

_Jesus Christ she is an angel. _Edward awed at her milky white skin. It was covered in a fine sheen of sweat that glimmered and sparkled in the soft lighting of the room. Edward watched as Bella's movements become more tentative when her thumbs slipped into the hem of her silky underwear. A deep blush blossomed on her cheeks, creeping all the way down her long slim neck.

"Isabella tell me your color beautiful girl, and look me in the eye when you do."

Bella looked up, her eyes full of need but also doubt. "Green sir, green."

Edward kept his eyes locked onto hers as she pulled her panties down. And then, after silently asking for permission, Edward looked down at his dream come true.

_Perfect. Absolutely perfect,_He thought as he moved to kiss her belly button. But a pair of tiny cold hands upon his face stopped him immediately. Bella guided his head up and up until his forehead brushed against something plush and soft. Bella's breast. Bella's bare breasts.

Each one the size of his large hand, perfectly shaped and pert with two small beaded nipples standing at attention. Edward loved them instantly, just like he loved every part of his Bella. He loved them despite the angry pink scars etched into them just above the nipples. _Jame's property__,_the bumpy lines clearly spelled out.

When the reality of what that meant hit him, Edward froze for only a second, allowing the rage and sadness to consume him, but only for a second.

_ "_Ed Edward... what is your color," Bella shakily asked, looking anywhere around the room but down at him.

_ "_Green Isabella... so fucking green you perfect girl."

And, with that Edward lowered his lips to one nipple, and then the other, kissing and licking each one until he felt the Goosebumps rise all over her body as her wetness started to drip down onto his leg. He would not make love to this woman tonight, but he sure as hell was going to make her feel like the Goddess she was.


	14. Chapter 13 cullen castle take 2

**Castle Cullen**

* * *

"Well, now I see where you get your eating skills from woman," Bella whispered into Alice's ear. She had always wondered if the little pixy had some sort of tape worm, due to the fact that Alice often packed away more food than she seemed to actually weigh. Five hours into a Cullen Christmas dinner, and Bella now knew that compared to the rest of her clan, Alice was a light weight.

"Hardy har har har Bells. How's about you try eating some of the food my mother slaved away all day making for you," Alice giggled back, gesturing to the mountain of mashed potatoes Bella had been pushing around her plate for the past 30 minutes.

Bella had eaten until she was full, and then she eaten some more. She ate until she feared her stomach may have actually been on the verge of bursting. There had been turkey and beef wellington, squash and risotto. Hell, there was even lasagna and pizza. This was not just a Christmas dinner; this was as if the Cullen's were trying to sustain themselves for an entire year with just one meal.

**Ding.**

"Oh, that must be the pies. Bella dear I hope you like pumpkin it is Edward's favorite, though we do have pecan, apple, cherry, and key lime. Oh, and of course the cheesecakes too," Esme chirped, before fluttering off towards the kitchen. She had been nothing but a flurry of energy the entire evening, darting off to the beckon call of various dings and buzzers. She was most definitely Alice's mother.

Bella wondered if perhaps the Cullen's were not actual humans. Maybe they were government created cyborgs. That would explain the endless energy, unquenchable hungers, and boundless kindness these people seemed to possess.

Yet oddly enough, even amongst all the chaos and chatter of the Cullen's, Bella felt at ease. In any other place as hectic as this she would of undoubtedly been hit with one panic attack after another. It was impossible to feel anything but welcomed with these people, be them human or not.

"Wow that all sounds... just wonderful…really, thank you so much for... everything."

"Isabella love, don't feel obligated to eat more then you want to," Edward smiled, taking in the now greenish ting of Bella's skin. "You will not offend anyone here.. trust me."

"Yeah Belly..." Emmett mumbled between gulps of food, "We love left-overs in this house."

"Um, I can't imagine left-overs last very long here," Bella snarked back to Emmett. She had taken right to him after the initial shock of his massive frame had worn off.

Edward was relived with how the night had progressed. In fact, Edward was downright shocked with how smoothly things have gone. Bella had not once appeared uncomfortable. She had not even touched the bracelet he had given her. And, what was even more astonishing to him was the welcoming his family gave him upon his return.

Edward had expected his father to rain down fire and brimstone upon him the second he walked in the door. Taking the Benz was as good as committing suicide in the Cullen household. When Carlisle quietly whispered in Edward's ears, asking "How is she," Edward had automatically assumed the 'she' he was asking about was the car. "I know, I am sorry Dad, She is totally fine I promise. I garaged parked her, I checked the oil. No eating inside..." When Edward saw his father's eyes cloud in confusion he wasn't sure what to expect.

"Don't be daft son, not the car. Isabella. How is your Bella. Why the hell would I give a damn about a piece of moving metal?"

Edward had been chewing his father's words over and over again the entire night. He was finding he really did not know the man as well as he thought he did. Or, perhaps, Isabella had somehow worked her magic on him as well.

"Yoohoo there dreamer," Jasper interrupted Edward's ponder. "You know you sure ain't a guest in this house, you could always... oh I don't know maybe go help your poor over-worked mother and put your girlfriends mind at ease."

He always knew what to say. "Right. Of course, Christ I'm a mess tonight dude," Edward jumped up, sending one lingering glance towards Bella. She was still happily bantering away with the Ogre and his Medusa bride. "I'll go lend Mom a hand," Edward announced to the table. He was promptly ignored by all, expect for Bella whose face broke out in a heartwarming smile.

In the kitchen, Esme was pulling pie after pie out of the four large ovens that lined the side wall. This kitchen really was better than even most commercial grade ones.

"Mommy let me help you," Edward smiled.

"Mommy?" snorted Esme, "Since when am I Mommy again? Not that I am complaining, but son you really are a new man aren't you?"

"Well, I just, I just wanted to thank you mom. You know, for smoothing things over with the old man. It could have been much worse."

Esme pursed her lips together, and rolled her eyes at her son. "You know you are way off the ball here little one. Your father is all bark and no bite. And, by the way, I did not say a single word to him. Nor did I ever hear him utter a word other than how much he hoped you and Isabella were safe and sound."

Edward hung his head slightly at his mother's warm chastisement. Mama bear was hardly ever one to yell. She would rather lecture with love just as she was doing right now. Her words were soft but the meaning was clear. She was tired of how Edward saw his father, and she was right.

"I'm sorry mom. I real am... pleasantly surprised by him. By, everyone really, and how well Bella is fitting in."

Esme snorted slightly, "Dear, the woman did not even have to try. I see our little family growing by two very soon if you ask me," She sighed in contentment, "This truly has been a glorious Christmas."

Together, the two of them moved each pie onto a long shiny red and silver platter. Edward topped the apple and cherry with ice cream while Esme pulled out the cold ones from the fridge. It was silent and peaceful, but that usually was the way things went with Esme.

After the finishing touches were made, and the coffee try gathered, Edward turned to make his way back to dining room.

"Son," Esme quietly called, stopping him before he could leave. "I... I know she has been hurt. Be careful with her, yes. But, don't be afraid to be yourself either... it's you that she needs not some watered down version of it, trust me I know what I am talking about."

The tone in her voice and clouded expression of her green eyes told Edward there were some stories about his mother that he did not know. Tales, he probably never wished to find out. He also had a strange feeling that Esme was not just talking of pure and innocent things. She was alluding to his dominant side. It seemed that his entire family knew of things about himself that even he had not realized. Edward wondered if he had somehow awoken in another dimension.

"Mom, are you talking about what I think..."

"Edward, dear, maybe you should just talk to your father, or if you can't muster that one, call your uncle. I was wondering if you would ever come to us with this... " She smiled slightly at this continuing on, " I was surprised that Emmett and Alice came around first." She was talking more to herself at this point then to Edward. "We had always said we would wait until you kids, IF you kids came to us with questions...'let them discover who they are for themselves' Carlisle would say. But with you, I just worried so much because... well I knew who you are and I see you fighting it for some reason."

Edward's head was spinning. Life had been rather boring and unsatisfying up until Thanksgiving, but now it was confusing as hell. Exciting but confusing.

"Mom, I... wait, what?"

Esme smiled that know it all smile moms have, shook her own head clear, and kissed her son on the cheek. "Don't worry about it. Just, you know maybe talk to my brother... I know Emmett has the number." And, with that, Esme left Edward standing mouth agape. He could hear her making some crack about how Edward's help only made her take that much longer- warning Bella to keep him out of her kitchen.

It took a few minutes for him to pull himself together and rejoin the group.

Only Bella seemed to notice that Edward was not in quite the same jolly mood as he had been before. Sure, he still talked and joked in tune with his fast mouthed family, but his eyes were telling a different story. There was something heavy weighing on him, something that caused little worry lines to appear above his bronze brows. Bella hoped and prayed that it had nothing to do with her. She didn't notice it, but she started roll her thumb over the beaded bracelet Edward had given her. The

* * *

Another four hours later and Bella was having hard time keeping her eyes open. The massive dining room table was now covered with remains of a slew of board games, all of which either Emmett or Edward had won. To say these two suffered from a severe case of sibling rivalry would be a massive understatement. They had now moved on to more manly competitions, and were currently engaged in a cut throat battle of guitar hero. Carlisle had excused himself after only one game, but Esme was still knitting in the corner, occasionally mock scolding her boys. Rose had gotten herself a front row seat for the action, insisting on beating the pants off of who ever won the battle. Alice and Jasper had vanished off together, no doubt looking for a dark corner to steal some kisses in.

It was all so overwhelmingly normal, exactly the kind of warm and fuzzy family holiday Bella had always imagined having, the opposite of a normal Swan Christmas. Feeling sedated by both food and happiness,Bella allowed the soothing thumping of the boys game to lull her off to sleep. That is until she felt two soft cold hands rubbing on her arms.

"Bella dear," It was the soft sound of Esme's voice. "Will you be sleeping in Edwards's room tonight, or should I make up one of the guest rooms?" She asked the question so nonchalantly, as if it matter not at all to her which answer she heard.

But Bella's eye immediately flew open. She had no idea how to answer that question, and it seemed that Edward hadn't heard it asked at all. He was still strumming away on his plastic guitar, a big goofy grin plastered on his face.

"I, um, well Mrs. Cullen..."

"Esme," She corrected

"Esme, whatever is easiest for you I am fine with."

"Silly girl, there is no trouble either way. How about this, I will make up the first door on the right up those stairs over there. But, if you don't set foot into it tonight... well you won't be breaking my heart." Esme patted Bell's arm and made her way up the stairs, calling out "Remember boys, no matter how old your sister is... she is still going to wake us up at the butt crack of dawn to get her presents."

"Damn pixie," Rose muttered. "Alright boys, I need my beauty sleep.. Em? I'll see you shortly right?"

Without taking his eyes off the screen he answered, "Of course baby doll, don't forget your journal."

Bella wondered what he was talking about. But, her mind was much to occupied with its own worries to linger on Emmett's encrypt message. Where was she going to sleep tonight?

"yeah, yeah, you should talk, but I won't forget. Love you. Night Eddie... " She laughed. "Good luck trying to beat this doofis here."

"Good night Rosie... and um thanks for before," Edward shyly stated. He had never really called Rose Rosie before. It did not go unnoticed. "Oh and, could you show Bella to bed. Either to my apartment, or to the guest room." He turned to look at Bella's big questioning eyes. "Go where you feel the most comfortable love, I will come kiss you goodnight either way... though I do have my own personal preference," he winked.

Edward wanted her in his bed desperately. Yet, he needed her to make the choice without any pressure from him, so he willed his eyes back onto the tv and picked back up into the game.

"Um, Rose," Bella's small voice spoke up..." lead the way to the apartment please."


	15. Chapter 14 naughty or nice

**Thank you to all the readers and to my lovely prereader for keeping me semi-motivated with this story. Love you all. **

**Naughty or Nice?**

"I had a very interesting conversation with our mother this evening," Edward announced dryly, while still strumming his guitar. He was taking this opportunity of having his brother alone to get some more information. Edward's head had been spinning ever since his strange talk with his mother.

Emmett chuckled, sucking his teeth in a knowing way. "About blows your damn mind doesn't it?"

And, there it was. The finial conformation of what Edward already knew. There was a lot going on in his family of which he hadn't been prevue to. The thought irritated the hell out of him. "Well, shit I don't know Em because she did not really say much. She told me to call Uncle Aro. Now, why would I want to do that?"

Emmett's chuckle was fast growing into a full on laughing fit, he paused the game and sat down on top of the living room table. "Well, she is being sneaky isn't she? Ok, bro, I'm tired of pussy footing around with my _OLDER _brother, who cannot seem to see what is so clearly right in front of his face."

A growl like noise passed through Edward's throat, but he fought to control himself. He needed answers and fighting with his much larger brother was not going to get him any.

"Well you know Aro is writer, right? He published a bunch of little shit, short stories and even some self-help books."

Of course, Edward knew that. Aro was the pride and joy of his grandparents, while his mother not so much. It was just another thing that kindred Edward with his mother.

"But," Emmett continued, "Aro is a lot more famous of a writer then you think. He is plain old legendary... only under a different name. Aro has a, what the hell do you call it… a pen-name. He also writes under. It's... Doctor Dom."

Emmett paused here to allow the name to sink into Edward's head, and sink it did, like a freaking freight train caught in a sand pit. _Dom as in dominant? As in BDSM, contracts, spankings, __submissive, and all that_. "And, And, mom knows about this... ALICE knows about this?"

A long drawn out release of air escaped Emmett's throat. "Believe me, it took me almost a year to look mama bear in the eye again, and well, when Alie came to me... or was rather sent to me by mama bear herself... phew... let's just say I'm mighty glad my big brother is now in the loop, for more reasons then just he so obviously is one."

"Dad!?" Edward asked in astonishment.

Emmett's answer was a simple nod and shrug of his shoulders. "Well, sort of, from what I can gather."

"Start at the top and don't leave a damn thing out this time." Edward was not to happy with how his brother had conveniently left out so much stuff the first time he had talked to him about anything of this nature.

"Dude, fine but keep your trap shut till I am done," Emmett warned, his voice telling him that he was no longer playing around. He fell back off of the table, plopping loudly into the sofa, and began talking in a quite serious tone.

"When I was 16 mom walked in on Rosie and me. I know everyone heard that she caught us going at it like rabbits... but that wasn't really the truth. She found Rosie pants down, bare- ass, over my lap. It was the first spanking I had ever given my girl too. I am glad she caught us though, as I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. I could have hurt her, or done something that she was not ready for..." his talking was growing even lower by the second, and Edward had to strain to hear his brother.

"I don't even know how we got to that point. I mean, we were just playing around and her- being my Rosie- said something highly insulting and dirty. I think... I think... it was something like 'why bother doing it when you're just going to finish in two seconds anyway,' " Emmett laughed. "Well, anyway, one thing led to another and I found myself telling her she was being much too naughty and needed a spanking."

"Wow, and little Rosie went for that?" Edward blurted out without thinking.

"Dude… what the hell did I say?"

"Ok, ok I sorry, please continue."

Emmett cleared his throat and shook his head, but he did carry on talking. "I know right though, I wouldn't believe it either if I had not been there, but Rose she sorta just fell into a whole different mode. She was actually the one who placed herself over my lap. I would, of course, later learn that Miss. Rosie is no ordinary Sub- even preferring to switch at times- but I think that's a story for another time."

Edward shuddered, silently agreeing and hoping that other time never came.

"So, we were terribly loud I would imagine, and even in this giant ass house, as soon as mom came home, she heard us. She knew exactly what she was going to find too because I heard her yell from the other side of the door 'Emmett you better not be spanking that girl, or so help me God-"

"Of course, she said that only half a second before swinging my door open and getting a front row seat to Rosie's very rosy round ass." Emmett squeezed his eyes shut tightly, his face flushing slightly from the memory of the embarrassment. "She sent Rose home straight away and carted me off to Dad's study to wait for them. I thought they would hate me, Eddie. I thought for sure they would think I was some kind of monster. Shit, I thought I was some kind of monster."

Edward felt real empathy for his brother at that moment, he knew just what it felt like to feel surprised and terrified of his own self.

"Yet, when they came in…mom was so composed, and Dad… well Dad looked down right sorry for me. Mom told me she thought for sure if any of her children would have to have this talk it would have been you. But, as it were, she was actually relieved to have a practice run on me…ya know the more easy going of the bunch?" Emmett joked, cocking his eye at Edward.

As much as Edward wanted to retort the statement, they were getting to the meat of the story now, so he only squinted in displeasure and nodded for his brother to go on.

"Well, then they just spilled the beans, gave me the whole birds and the bees talk, only their version was more like the birds, bees, and bondage. Mom told me not to be ashamed, that she herself was a submissive. Of course, I had no idea what that shit meant, but I just sat there in stupidified silence and let them go through their whole speal. Mom joked about how vanilla dad was, and how she converted him…saying she figured most of her kids would take after him." Emmett stopped to laugh loudly at that, Esme was clearly very wrong with that assessment.

After the awkward laughter died down, Emmett started up yet again. "Ok, well then she handed me some of Uncle Aro's books. She told me to read them all, to write down all my questions, and to ask either herself or Aro anything I wanted. Then she smacked me in the back of the head and told me I was much too young to be doing anything anyway. I was on strict orders to research only for the time being. Do you remember that spring break? I visited Uncle Aro. I actually toured the club he co-owns, while it was closed of course, and he put me in touch with his most trusted friend. I just, well I just couldn't see my-self asking family any really involved questions."

"Wait. So, you're telling me... that you have been a Dom since you were 16 years old? That you're like some kinda master Dom?"

"Not quite big bro, not quite. I mean, believe it or not, I actually followed Mama's orders, and I researched till I was a big boy. And, as for master Dom? Nah, not even close. I actually wouldn't call myself a Dom… It evolved into really just sexy fun for me a Rosie. Sure, we have the contracts…but it is not serious with us, and like I said, we like to switch it up. Trust me though, read his books, take your time. Two newbies going into it can be dangerous, but you are sort of a natural..." Emmett's voice trailed off at that, only to come back full force with a warning, "Just don't read 'training your vanilla Dom', or "how to be tied up when family ties your up', unless you want a detailed account of our parents sex life."

"What!?"

"You don't want to know bro, just learn from my own mistakes," Emmett laughed, while Edward silently thanked his brother. Though, he was still sort of raw from the idea of being so clueless.

"Well, what about Alice?" Edward forced himself to ask. "How... did..."

"Mama Bear again. She actually talked to her after you took her to task," Emmett snickered.

"What!, she thinks that what I did... was, was.. sexua..."

"Calm down there! Jesus no! And besides, if you are true Dom, which you are...believe me you are, then it is not always about sex. But anyway, she talked to her not because of what you did, but over concerns about what she did. In the woods… submitting to the will of... how many men where there?" Emmett groaned, clenching his fist tightly. "There are to many cases of true submissive woman getting in awful situations because they just don't understand why they feel the way they do."

His words hung heavy in the air. Both Emmett and Edward couldn't even fathom anything happening to their baby sister. It was a good place to stop the draining conversation, and Emmett was starting to really miss his Rosie. Standing up, he patted Edward's shoulder telling him not to forget about the books. Though, in all honestly, Emmett was sure his mother would have them wrapped up and ready to give to Edward in the morning.

Edward took a moment to decompress and wipe some of the disturbing mental images from his head. He was nowhere near ready to talk to Bella about all he had discovered, and wanted to go to her with a fresh demeanor. But, he also did not want to take too long, it had been ages since he had some alone time with his girl, and he needed to see how she truly fared against this abrasive family, mentally that it.

She was but a bump in his bed when he arrived to his room, contorted into an impossibly small ball underneath his covers, sound asleep. Both relief and regret filled Edward at the sight of her. She looked peaceful and badly needed her rest. Yet, he so desperately wanted to hear her sweet voice. He settled for joining her in peaceful slumber, wanting nothing more than to engulf her in his arms.

Getting into his obnoxiously large bed, his knee knocked onto something rather hard, is sketch book, Or, rather, Isabelle's journal. She must have found it on his desk, and picked up where she had left off. The writing was crammed and cramped as there was not much space left. Edward wondered if he should be privy to these personal thoughts of his love. After all, she had not given him permission to read this entry. But, something inside of Edward just did not care. He needed to know what she was thinking; he needed to every advantage he could gain in taking care of her. Perhaps this was that Dom in him that everyone kept alluding to…Or, maybe he as just a nosy inconsiderate bastard. Either way, Edward did not care as he gingerly picked up the book to spy.

_They are the family I have always wanted and could never have. I really did not think this sort of thing even existed outside my mind. This has been the most fulfilling Christmas I have ever had, and it is not yet even Christmas morni__ng. I know that soon__ things will come crashing down, __but for now, for just this one time, I want to soak in all that I can. Today was perfect. There was hardly any awkward moments. I only pray that everyone liked me, or could at least tolerate me. I would h__ate to have unknowingly ruined anyone holiday. I have my suspicions on that though. When Edward went to help his mother__, he came back…__ well different. I bet Mrs. Cullen told him how awful I am. It is only a matter of time before he throws me away now. But e__ven so, I am thankful for this night._

Edward tossed the book onto the floor. He would have to talk with his worrisome angel first thing in the morning. She was completely off key and he was not going to stand for that. For now, Edward was content to cozy up and melt away into his happy place: Bella.

* * *

Two warm strong arms clung onto Bella tightly; they were draped over her shoulder and down her chest. They smelled of cider and soap. Edward. Isabella was in Edward's bed, being spooned by Edward. On Christmas morning. _This must be what taking drugs feels like_ she mused to herself, concentrating on the relaxed and peaceful feeling of her body.

One of Edward's hands was cupping her left breast, while his other hand lay softly on the bottom of her Belly. His third hand strummed ever so lightly on the top of her forehead.

_ Third hand? _Bella thought alarmingly, popping her eyes open in a panic.

She was met with two large excited green eyes, held inches from her face. Alice laid wiggling in Edward's bed, attempting to wake Bella up in the nicest way possible. It was only 7 am, but she had been bobbing about in anticipation for nearly an hour now, and it was starting to eat her alive.

"Good morning Belly boo! Santa came," she whined "but everyone else seems to care more about the sandman's visit then jolly old St. Nick!"

Bella looked at the clock and groaned, she could not imagine how the Cullen's dealt with Alice when she was a child. Visions of a 3 am Christmas were quickly coming to her head. "Lady you are totally crazy, you that right?"

"Yes, yes, I know…that's why I woke you up first. So you can wake my brute of a brother up. He would never get mad at you." Alice jumped up and down slightly singing, "Now come on, come on, come on it is present time!"

"ooooooh, how about we make it coffee time and maybe breakfast time first? Than we when we wake them, we will at least have peace offerings to present?"

"Blah... you sound just like Jazzy. He is already in the kitchen executing your little plan too. Let's go help him I guess." Alice sulked.

"Wow, that boy really likes you Al. He is already up and over here?" Bella whispered, generally surprised by that.

Alice smirked and shrugged. "Yes, he did not even have time to change his clothes before rushing _ba__ck_ over here."

Bella laughed at her friend's coy smile and slight blush. Jasper had most definitely spent the night in Alice's bed. In Bella's mind that was one brave cowboys. There were far too many grumpy over protective men in Alice's life.

"Wow, it's his funeral then, eh?" Bella joked, slipping out of Edward's tight grip. He moaned slightly in protest but was soon fast asleep once again. "Let's go help the man prepare his last meal."

As the two girls tip toed closer to the kitchen, their ears were met with the sounds of "Mama got run over by a reindeer" strewing from one very goofy country man. Bella tried to hold in her snicker, but once she had the sight to go along with the silly sound, she found herself in a fit of full on laughter. Jasper stood at the stove, wearing a pink apron and brown cowboy hat singing along with the radio.

"Morning lady folk," He joked, unashamed of his ridiculous attire. "I thought we could go with some southern comfort food this morning. We are making Shrimp and grits, Sausage biscuits and gravy, and good old fashioned sweet potato pancakes," He winked adding, "Now this here ain't easy cookin though so, um, Bella you better come help me."

"Hey what about me Jazzy," Alice pouted.

"Well, how about you make the coffee first," Jasper joked.

"You better watch yourself there cowboy... I will make the coffee, but then I am making my specialty breakfast that will blow away all of your fancy crap." Alice stomped, going to the fridge and rummaging through it until she found her coveted chocolate croissant dough. "Made by the finest chefs in town- real chefs- not smart mouthed cowboys."

Jasper chuckled and mumbled something that sounded like "little vixen testing me already..." Bella wasn't sure she wanted to know the entirety of what he said though, so she set about cleaning the shrimp. For about an hour the three of them puttered about the kitchen, Bella and Jasper in a cooking frenzy, while Alice, for the most part, provided simple entertainment. When the aromas of the feast started to make their way throughout the house, Bella started to hear the tell-tale sounds of a sleepy family waking up.

Before anyone else made their way down to the kitchen, Bella decided to sneak away and make her dutiful call home to her family. She found her phone plugged in, by some magical Cullen no doubt, sitting on top of the marble counter top. And, as quickly as she could, Bella slipped out into the snow covered back yard. It was freezing. Immediately, Bella regretted venturing out there in only her pjs and slippers. But, at least the cold would keep her sharp as she spoke with her parents, and encourage her to wrap up the unpleasant conversation quickly.

Back in his big, and now incredibility barren bed, Edward was awoken by both the loss of Bella's warmth and the enticing smell of sausage. _I really need to stop waking up this way... _Edward groaned, wishing he would be the one to wake up before Bella. He had wanted to talk to her about her journal entry before heading down to the party. But it was now after 8 in the morning and there was no way in hell Alice was not up pacing the halls by now. In fact, he could not believe his little sister had not charged into his room to drag him out of bed hours ago. Of course, Edward would bet Bella had something to do with his Christmas reprieve.

And, at that thought if his lady, off somewhere in his warm house, it was Edward who became the excited kid charging down the stairs on Christmas morning.

"Good morning my Isabella!" Edward boasted as he flopped down the stairs from his apartment towards the kitchen.

"Jesus it sounds like herd of elephants just escaped the zoo," Alice complained to him, while Jasper offered up a cup of steaming hot coffee.

"Where is she?" He asked, surprised to see Jasper this early.

He was even more amazed when he realized that Jasper had not ever left. Taking in the situation, he saw that both Emmett and his father were awake and sitting at the counter already. Neither men looked too terribly happy about Jasper's presence either, yet it appeared that no one had said much about it. Esme, on the other hand, look downright ecstatic about the whole situation. In her eyes Jasper was a far cry better than any of the other men her darling daughter had toiled around with. It seemed that every one of her children now had their chance at real happiness.

"Funny seeing you here," Edward grunted, purposely appeasing Jasper's attire.

"Don't worry buddy, I can assure you I was the perfect gentleman. Alice and I just talked ourselves sleepy last night. Jasper joked, leaving out the part about the hours of kissing and groping. He was sure that was information Edward, Carlise, and Emmett did not wish to hear.

"umm hmmm" Emmett answered for Edward, "You are lucky you can cook."

Alice quickly choose to diffuse the situation, sighing loudly and asking "when is the super star going to grace us with her presence, I would like to open some gifts before new years!"

"yeah, yeah, chill out. I'll go get her. But you still gotta get the newbie to come in from the cold too, ya know." Emmett added, looking directly at Edward as he spoke.

Finally someone had answered the question Edward truly cared about. Bella was _Outside!_ Edward's eyes shot to the coat rack, which still held all the ladies jackets. He was beyond furious at the thought of her being shunned without a coat even.

"Well what the hell is she doing out there. And why would you let her leave without a coat on!" Edward barked, his voice taking on a malicious accusing tone. A tone directed towards any and everyone who knew of Bella's whereabouts. Edward did not care who was talking to, be it his parents, or his sister.

"That is some tone you are using their son." Carlise commented, though his face held the slightest of a smile at his sons protectiveness.

"She is on the deck, dear, but she is one the phone. And, well it seemed like a private conversation. I did not want to-"

Edward was on his way to Bella before his mother could even finish her sentence, coat and coffee in hand.

He found Bella hopping around on the deck, her fuzzy slippers sloshing in the snowy path she had worn down from her pacing. Her teeth were chattering at she stammered on to whomever she was speaking with.

"I... I.. I.. knowwww I wa wa wa will seeeend ma ma more soon dad. Jussst pa pa pa please use it for the how how house this first this timmme."

Edward set the coffees down and wrapped the coat around Bella's shivering body. He then picked her up, noticing her cheeks felts wet from tears, and carried her back into the house. Sitting them both down by the den's fireplace, Edward silently wrapped them up in a thick wool blanket.

"And does Seth like the gifts I sent him?" Bella continued on, resting her head back against Edwards chest. "Well, that is great Dad... he is already sleeping off his morning then," she laughed. "I bet he was up all night huh? Edward could hear Bell's father giving strange slurred responses to her questions, but he could not make out anything that made much sense. "Ok, well. Give mom a kiss for me and I will call everyone later tonight. And, don't worry I will send a check first thing Monday morning. I la love you daddy."

Bella ended the call and took a huge sigh of relief. She was still shivering but Edward's warmth and quiet support was quickly mending her cold broken heart. Her father was even more wasted then usual, but of course, it was a holiday and holidays were hard.

"Good morning," Bella whispered in a soft shame-filled voice. "Sorry you had to hear the end of that. My father.. is not well."

Edward leaned forward smelling into Bella's hair deeply. "Good morning to you too love. And don't ever apologies to me for someone else. But I am none too pleased with you being outside with no coat. I need you to keep my Bella safe and healthy always."

"I'm sor-"

"No, no I don't want an apology love." Edward smiled, turning Bella sideways in his lap. "And, I need to quickly tell you something- quickly because I knew for a fact that Alice's head is about to explode." He added with a shake of his head. "I don't care about any baggage you have, I want to help carry it all. And, Bella my family loves you, especially my mother. Yesterday, I was in a funk after talking to her because she told me some stuff- that has nothing to do with you. Stuff I will tell you about later though so don't worry. But, I just need you to know that, when it comes to us: nothing is going to come crashing down."

Edward let his words sink over Bella. He watched as her face went from shock to awe and then understanding. "You read it" she stated simply.

"I did." Edward nodded. "Is that ok?"

And, oddly it was ok. Even though Bella had not written that one especially for him, she did not mind the idea of him reading her inner most thoughts. In fact, she was honored that he even cared to know.

"Yes, Edward it is fine." She smiled, kissing his nose with her frozen lips.

"Alright bitches" Emmett's cheesy voice rang out as he entered the living room. "Let's see whose been naughty and whose been nice this year!"

"Finally freakingly!" Alice squealed while at the same time Bella heard Esme scream "Children, language!"

And just like that, all the stress and worry was once again washed away from Bella.


End file.
